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sarahell is being mordant there

Steppin' RZA (sic), Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:16 (three years ago) link

it's kinda a mindfuck the way this place has changed -- like idk Branwell has dealt with it much more intensively than I -- and there is a psychological thing where, when you are used to being attacked all the time (regardless of whether you were the instigator or not -- I don't want to cast myself as a victim), you end up getting defensive and assuming you are being attacked even when you aren't, so things become battles when they don't have to be

sarahell, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:16 (three years ago) link

Maybe I would have more sympathy with the poster involved if they hadn't decided to throw what I thought was our friendship in a raging fire by sending me a viciously abusive message, for having the absolute temerity to warn them that they might be repeatedly misgendering someone.

emil.y, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:21 (three years ago) link

sadly some people have a horrible history of being personally very nasty to people and they never apologise for it and that leads to them never getting the benefit of the doubt.

Oor Neechy, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:26 (three years ago) link

Maybe I would have more sympathy with the poster involved if they hadn't decided to throw what I thought was our friendship in a raging fire by sending me a viciously abusive message, for having the absolute temerity to warn them that they might be repeatedly misgendering someone.

― emil.y, Wednesday, July 29, 2020 3:21 PM (twenty minutes ago)

shocked, shocked etc

all cats are beautiful (silby), Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:43 (three years ago) link

no I won't be glib, that's exactly the kind of behavior one learns to expect from this kind of person if you hang around them long enough.

all cats are beautiful (silby), Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:44 (three years ago) link

i'm also super wary of pile-ons which is what this is starting to feel like, because I remember having that happen to me at one point --

but also, as a corollary to the "being used to being attacked thing" re ilx, for folx who are regularly attacked IRL because of their identity, where ilx is a safe(r) space for them, a well-intentioned post that seems similar to the IRL grossness is also likely to provoke that defensive response -- and if we want to be decent people, we should be sensitive to that.

sarahell, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:51 (three years ago) link

needs to be both ways, sara

Oor Neechy, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:57 (three years ago) link

If you treat someone like shit they will treat you back the same way

Oor Neechy, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:58 (three years ago) link

and that's not aimed at any person.

Oor Neechy, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 22:59 (three years ago) link

that was meant in Brad's defense ... so idk what you are referring to?

sarahell, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 23:01 (three years ago) link

also re DJP being weirded out about all the black metal threads being bumped

sarahell, Wednesday, 29 July 2020 23:01 (three years ago) link

sadly some people have a horrible history of being personally very nasty to people and they never apologise for it and that leads to them never getting the benefit of the doubt.


Some people call that learning from experience.

let them microwave their rice (gyac), Wednesday, 29 July 2020 23:06 (three years ago) link

Some people do actually suck, and are bad people to have around your clubhouse

all cats are beautiful (silby), Wednesday, 29 July 2020 23:07 (three years ago) link

No AFAB or AMAB on here please, just ACAB.

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 31 July 2020 20:55 (three years ago) link

I do not like ice cream

solo scampito (mh), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:01 (three years ago) link

Ice cream is good.

pomenitul, Friday, 31 July 2020 21:02 (three years ago) link

assigned cantaloupe at birth

contorted filbert (harbl), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:03 (three years ago) link

I do not like ice cream


Blatant challop, fped

let them microwave their rice (gyac), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:04 (three years ago) link

xp

solo scampito (mh), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:04 (three years ago) link

I like to think mh was posting in bad faith.

pomenitul, Friday, 31 July 2020 21:08 (three years ago) link

if it wasn't for bad faith we'd have no faith at all

— quarantine idle (@smk73) July 31, 2020

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:10 (three years ago) link

I like to think mh was posting in bad faith.


can confirm

let them microwave their rice (gyac), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:13 (three years ago) link

are there people that are Assigned COPS at Birth??

sarahell, Friday, 31 July 2020 21:29 (three years ago) link

Good old NAR

all cats are beautiful (silby), Friday, 31 July 2020 21:33 (three years ago) link

the haagen dazs with whiskey flavor -- is really fucking delicious

sarahell, Friday, 31 July 2020 22:05 (three years ago) link

Extraaz is amazing, had it for the first time the other day.

pomenitul, Friday, 31 July 2020 22:06 (three years ago) link

really sad that three twins went out of business -- their cardamom was my fave

sarahell, Friday, 31 July 2020 22:08 (three years ago) link

really fucked up but lol jfc

XVI Pedicabo eam (Neanderthal), Friday, 31 July 2020 22:40 (three years ago) link

are you laughing at the discontinuation of my favorite ice cream, Florida Man????

sarahell, Friday, 31 July 2020 22:52 (three years ago) link

Wow it’s so surprising to me that so many cis men post on ilx

all cats are beautiful (silby), Sunday, 2 August 2020 02:41 (three years ago) link

we are your fathers and brothers, your neighbors, your fellow citizens, silby. we are many, but we are various. we contain multitudes.

the unappreciated charisma of cows (Aimless), Sunday, 2 August 2020 02:48 (three years ago) link

I would suggest refraining from doing the “not all men” thing

brimstead, Sunday, 2 August 2020 02:51 (three years ago) link

struggling to figure out which thread this belongs to.

XVI Pedicabo eam (Neanderthal), Sunday, 2 August 2020 02:58 (three years ago) link

Unfortunately not literally.

let them microwave their rice (gyac), Tuesday, 4 August 2020 10:09 (three years ago) link

Really glad I didn’t post anything flippant about noted author Adolf Hitler’s suicide now

Rishi don’t lose my voucher (wins), Thursday, 6 August 2020 17:44 (three years ago) link

i hate having crushes tbh

sarahell, Thursday, 6 August 2020 17:55 (three years ago) link

crushes suck. i am stating this as a fact.

Kate (rushomancy), Thursday, 6 August 2020 17:59 (three years ago) link

It is not at all apparent whether there is or is not an intentional conversation taking place here.

Basil Ker-ching (Noel Emits), Thursday, 6 August 2020 18:07 (three years ago) link

i miss the hypothetical possibility of a crush tbh

The Scampos of Young Werther (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 6 August 2020 18:36 (three years ago) link

same

the quar on drugs (Simon H.), Thursday, 6 August 2020 18:59 (three years ago) link

Aching Desire For One True Love Separated By Fate Still No Match For A Good Porkin’ https://t.co/utsSI90si9 pic.twitter.com/X03fFw72wy

— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 6, 2020

singular wolf erotica producer (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 6 August 2020 19:02 (three years ago) link

The experience of a real crush in the moment is often, maybe even mainly, negative but I can’t help but rep for something so thoroughly unproductive

Rishi don’t lose my voucher (wins), Thursday, 6 August 2020 19:04 (three years ago) link

you know, it genuinely did not occur to me before, like, just now, how often the phrase "dysphoria" occurs in "infinite jest". i haven't revisited it since that one indeterminate year in the late 1990s i spent plowing through it while waiting for the bus.

in one sense it's not surprising that the concept of gender dysphoria comes up in infinite jest - goddamn near _everything_ comes up in infinite jest. it is a Novel About Everything. in another sense... it wasn't a concept i commonly came across in the 1990s. dfw talked about lots of things i had no idea about, like tennis, often through confusing and unexplained references, and in any case i had already decided definitively that i was Definitely Not Trans so whatever the hell he was talking about had no bearing on me whatsoever.

i wonder what i might find were i to choose to reread that book.

most of my memory of dfw, these days, comes from my much more recent (shortly after it came out) reading of "the pale king", which i found striking in how thoroughly and completely dfw failed to understand boredom, the topic he was allegedly writing a novel about. i mean, on par with black sabbath writing a song about clinical depression and calling it "paranoid", that level of complete misunderstanding.

Kate (rushomancy), Thursday, 6 August 2020 20:38 (three years ago) link

I am overdue for a break for the internet but

Jeez is that all you guys think about

chasing rimbauds (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 6 August 2020 21:12 (three years ago) link

Really glad I didn’t post anything flippant about noted author Adolf Hitler’s suicide now

― Rishi don’t lose my voucher (wins), Thursday, August 6, 2020 1:44 PM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Been thinking about this a lot tbh

There's a difference between "a suicidal episode" and "persistent suicidal ideation", there's a difference between "a period of depression" and "chronic ongoing struggles with depression". I'd experienced the former of both examples here-and-there in my life, but the latter of both examples really started to set in hard-core about four years ago, escalating to become, rather awfully, a defining feature of my personality. (It goes without saying that there's a huge difference between killing oneself in a bunker after committing a genocide and losing a war, and succumbing to a long battle with suicidal depression, as dfw did.)

Considering that, after cancer, suicide is the #2 most prevalent death-by-illness in adults age 18-55 (North America and Europe), considering the stigma and lack of understanding about "what persistent ideation is like" amongst people who are either psychonormative or mentally-ill-in-other-ways, it feels like an impossible struggle to be understood or to receive the care one needs. Just now I had lunch with a friend and made a plan to go to the island this coming week, and despite the fact that it was made good-naturedly, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a social favour-- this is how ideation colours your every moment.

Considering that "cancer jokes" are somewhat taboo, reserved for the most odious individuals who are afflicted with it (Rush Limbaugh)-- and the #1 cause of death in this same demographic is "accidents" (car crashes), and I don't think I've ever heard a good joke about a car crash-- it is disheartening to see people speak about suicidality in flippant ways, to not afford the same gravity and care to the affliction as they do other similarly dangerous afflictions. (Remembering, too, that many people with persistent suicidal ideation do live, to die of other causes, either because they are able to recover and/or they just struggle with it until death finds another way.)

A living god of a musician who struggles very, very hard with mental illness once surprised me with a request that she might reach out to me when she was in distress. "It's not the disorder that kills you," she said, "it's the loneliness." This entire statement is not an admonishment so much as a plea for understanding-- to understand that ideating individuals already feel so, so isolated, like a burden to everyone, and that flippant comments about those who've succumbed to this illness can exacerbate this feeling of isolating. (rushomancy's comment was very tame and I don't think anyone was pressed about it but it was nice that they addressed it, thank you rushomancy!)

flamboyant goon tie included, Saturday, 8 August 2020 18:49 (three years ago) link

I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a social favour-- this is how ideation colours your every moment.

otm ... this is my life tbh ... and why I spend so much of it doing things for other people, because I feel like I have no innate self-worth or appealing traits, thus, acting in a helpful, useful manner is what will "earn" me these social favors.

sarahell, Saturday, 8 August 2020 19:54 (three years ago) link


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