Real England

i can only imagine with a shudder of gratitude for being elsewhere

U aim for the box, u best not miss

There was once this really unpleasant character who used to often hog the local phone box for hours (this was in the pre-mobile phone era) and often make innapeopriately sexual comments to any children in the area. So My partner's nephew and neice decided to leave him a present in the phone box, they shat in a ferrerero Roche box and left it on the shelf for him. He definitely wasn't impressed when he opened it!

So many questions.

Like one big shit or loads of little ones, one for each chocolate?

Lmao. 'Yo dawg we heard you're being a shit in a box, so we put a shit in a box in the box you're a shit in'

You ask that and not whether it was wrapped in gold foil?

I can't remember which one shat in it but they were 12 and 13 years old at the time if that helps!

Clearly the trick is to drop a massive tartare-induced deuce then to carefully sculpt it into a dozen chocolatey pebbles before wrapping them, Midas-like, in foils of gold.

Probably advisable for the 13 year old to play the Ambassador, bit more gravitas.

Stage one: open the box

Nothing was wrapped, so God knows why this fule even picked the box up, but he did!

I like eat a Ferrero Rocher box, shit it out and then spread the resulting paste between two intact Ferrero Rocher boxes

I think the phone box guy was addicted to sex chatlines. I'm not joking he would be in there for hours, possibly on speed, he'd even bring his bathroom rug in there with him some days!

Classic Real England, they don't make 'em like that any more

I was walking along the Regent's Canal once (up near St Pancras old church) and saw the most beautiful, ornate box floating along by the side. Looking back I should have known better, but I fished it out - all finely folded thick white card on a light wooden plinth, replete with a bow - and opened it up. Inside, lovingly inlaid, was a perfectly formed human shite. I fully expected Lisa Riley or someone to jump out with a camera but nothing.

itt: posts with beautiful vivid imagery

Classic Real England, they don't make 'em like that any more

― tired of waiting for icu (Matt #2), Friday, 26 June 2020 14:33 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

RIP phone boxes

https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/18561160.angry-mods-descend-brighton-battle-madeira-drive/

So tempted to hit the spoons and then go and laugh at the angry mods in the miserable pissy rain

“Heaven,” said Bert Lockley, a regular, sipping his first pint of draught Guinness for three months. “I’ve missed this more than my missus when she left,” Lockley said.

Here are the bar staff at The Alliance Inn @MENnewsdesk pic.twitter.com/1lRB2kscTk

— Rebecca Day (@RebeccaDayMEN) July 4, 2020

I admire their enthusiasm but each of those blow up sex dolls will have been through enough hands by 11pm to qualify as a superspreader event in their own right.

Spreading what though?

thatcherism https://t.co/9vlKfWzZ0A

— friends of pudding (@friend2pudding) July 13, 2020

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EdtlIseXsAEGRex?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

couldn't get a proper pic because i feel like a creep taking pics of local posh tory houses even though I'm quite inclined to be very nosy about what these ppl are like and wtf makes them tick! But this house has a nameplate: "Aslan's How" with a homemade laminated rona rainbow pic in the window : "God is in control"

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EdyKRkyXgAI9p1F?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

just sighted my first old-school horse and cart "real" scrapper in ages, huge rigger boots on as well - scrapper to the core this dude was.

still come round regular round here, there's an area of Hull called Gipsyville from back in ye olden days

I guess what they say is true, England *is* turning into Romania.

xp

Anglia, pământ românesc.

some tatters used to leave their pony tied out on a grass verge not far from my house, used to feed him Polos on the way to work in the morning

I wonder how much the Rona has decimated the industrial metals markets, in the noughties all the huge Chinese infrastructure spending was pushing copper to be the new gold. I can remember when copper was that cheap if a cable drum was broken people would throw it in the skip and grab another!

got a birthday card in the post from the UK, one of those ones that is either the innocent smoothies aesthetic applied to drinking or an alcoholism joke (never clear which). a uniquely british form of humour afaict.

Did it have the word "cheeky" in it

I only deal with appropriately respectful alcoholics ftr!

Baboons at Knowsley Safari Park have been found carrying weapons, it has been claimed.

Keepers at the safari park, in Merseyside, said they suspect visitors have been giving the animals knives, screwdrivers and even a chainsaw "for a laugh", The Mirror reports.

I had no idea that such flawless gammon specimens were even possible:

https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/edward-leigh-on-calais-and-migrants-1-6790211

perfidious albion keeps delivering

pic.twitter.com/11nQYi2Kby

— good90s (@good90s) September 23, 2019

Let's ask the HERO'S WIDOW if Utd should play in the Cup.

it's so staggering you think it has to be a fake but i'm guessing it's not a fake

crying out for a poll of the interviewees

At that point THE FILM STAR had played 500 football matches and acted in 1 film.

even Barry Norman getting in there! I can remember that mirror cover it's 100% real and my late father-in-law saying it's a bloody disgrace, best cup competition in the world etc...

hi Lisa Potts sorry you were severely injured during a terrifying machete attack what do you think about United pulling out of the FA Cup tho?

Yep, I remember it at the time. I wonder how many of their phones Morgan was hacking.

as a lottery winner, i think it's a bleedin' disgrace

yeah I think questions need to be asked wtf you'd be asking the widow of a headmaster that got stabbed to death outside his school to comment an FA cup controversy, it's bizarre really.

they were obv all on a lot of different drugs back then.

that page represents some kind of moment in the tabloids's imperial era, a moments where all of the stylistic tics and voice of the people shtick curdle into this gross, decadent, debauched rongness that later generations can only look back on and gasp/gag