dirt bag style

I get all nervous when people come into my room. It's like the tell-tale heart.

we ain't got nothing on those guys

this man never cleaned his flat

"after the first three years it doesn't get any dirtier"

not exactly that dirty, but:
my roommate was throwing up after a long night, and i was trying to get to bed, but couldn't because i had to pee very badly. from the sounds escaping from the bathroom, it seemed like it was going to be a long, drawn out vomit. so i opened my window, cut a hole in the screen, and relieved myself that way. dirtbag or clever?

dude yr my new hero!

i'll tell the story later

i've also not washed my car for three years and have thrown up while driving TWICE (both times on jersey turnpike.)

sorry,,, i just had to confess!

WAAAAAAAAAY past my limit.

i started swimming in but there was a rip current and i ended up fighting the current for what seemed like an hour (probably more like 20 minutes) and eventually i stopped paying attention to what i was doing and when i finally ended up in the surf i was so exhausted that i got pounded and swallowed a ton of saltwater.

i walked off the beach and climbed into my car. it was a really hot day and i just sat there in the leather seats of my burgundy cressida, soaking up the warmth and burping a bit.

then i started the car and drove to the end of the street, turned on the coast hwy and drove for about five minutes. at the end of my street i pulled up on a traffic light and a sherriff rolled up next to my. i looked over at him, smiled, turned back to the wheel and puked a gallon of dirty saltwater all over my chest and lap and steering wheel.

the light turned green and i got home (he didn't follow me)

yeah, but y'know, you're not a true westcoaster until you've barfed sea water. bonus points for it coming out your nose.
(ripcurrents are freakin scary.)

^ skooled

this was a hobby of mine, for a little while. even worse: once i was with dan se1zer in a cab and totally had to vomit and then kind of did vomit but didn't let it out and sat there feeling gross and panicked. he kept saying, "are you okay" and i'd go, "nngh." when we pulled up in front of his apt, i ran out and went "bleeurrgh" all over the pavement.

I am however, fastidious about washing clothes and keeping things clean. Jeans get no more than two wears between washing - I don't even know how you can live with more than that.

don't own a suit or any kind of dress clothes
-"-

Jeans get no more than two wears between washing - I don't even know how you can live with more than that.

my ex-flatmate owned 1 pair of jeans that she wore all the time and washed once a month

davina q in sleeping with joanna newsom shocker

thrown up:
- in friend's kitchen sink
- in friend's garden
- in cousin's hotel room bathroom sink (on christmas morning; I was catatonic on waterbed during family lunch)
- at major train station, on scarf (which was later dumped on way home out of shaaaame)

this wonderful woman lives with me now.

1. torn down rusted out ancient swingset
2. what used to be a perfectly fine love seat until we put it out there
3. table, same circumstances
4. gas grill which hasn't worked since 1997, which has a...
5. small charcoal grill sitting on top of it
6. upturned tub (once used to house keg, now houses colony of spiders)
7. variety of balls neighbor kids throw over fence, never to be seen again
8. partially collapsed deck (one corner sagging)
9. stairs made of cinder blocks
10.once-descent red brick patio demolished by weeds
11.rusty metal shed (3 different colors sheet metal) containing:
* 3 mowers, 1 working, 1 ancient push-powered variety
* 2 bags of mulch, ripped and spilling
* 1 red-flyer wagon whose wheels will never turn again (rust)
* 1 saw (rusted)
* 1 rake (rusted, missing 4 teeth)
* white chest-of-drawers, possibly housing family of chipmunks

My fence is collapsed in one of the far corners, is held up currently by a series of cinder blocks + rope + coat hangers + duct tape.

DIRTBAG HOMEOWNER YALL