Jake Gyllenhaal

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I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (eighteen years ago) link

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (eighteen years ago) link

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

(don't take that the wrong way, I like both actors!)

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

JAKE WHY U SHAEV ASS ALL TIME>??

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

He doesn't look THAT hairy in the non-shaved pictures, what are you all on about?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Not Robin Williams Hairy, but moderately so. (and I think he has more at 25 than 22...)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

Anyone know what his ethnic heritage is? We could deduce from that.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link

But not so unusually so that I would think he has an incredibly hairy ass or something like that, I mean unless he waxes his back and upper arms or something but not his front he seems like one of those "front hairy" guys. I've known quite a few of them!!

Obviously though, yes, he removed all of it for Jarhead, which is just weak.

xpost hahaha satyr

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link

His mom is Naomi Foner, a screenwriter (Running on Empty) ... European Jewish b.g. I believe.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (eighteen years ago) link

He does have those eyebrows.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Dad is the director Stephen Gyllenhaal (Waterland). Descendant of Swedish nobles, per Wikipedia.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:52 (eighteen years ago) link

You know who is mad-hairy -- Andy Garcia. I remember watching "Clinton and Nadine" and thinking his was the hairiest back I've ever seen. It was like a pelt.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Ugh Andy Garcia is so gross anyway, I mean what is the deal?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

This is the sort of descriptive prose missing in Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain."

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:56 (eighteen years ago) link

by the way, I'm touched that you've all exceeded my Jake lust.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:05 (eighteen years ago) link

you horny gaywads

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:06 (eighteen years ago) link

don't piss on our cornflakes just cos someone ruined ~~Malcolm in the Middle~~Lindsay Lohan for you.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:07 (eighteen years ago) link

xpost

guilty as charged! (flaps wrists)

― elmo, patron saint of celebrity homo lust (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:08 (eighteen years ago) link

JAKE IS FUCKING HOT PEOPLE OK? JUST GET OVER IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:12 (eighteen years ago) link

he's no tom selick

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:13 (eighteen years ago) link

http://images.icnetwork.co.uk/upl/m2/jul2005/1/3/0009DA50-27EB-12CA-99D70C01AC1BF814.jpg

― Dan (Val Kilmer Looks Askance At You All) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:14 (eighteen years ago) link

what the shit is that???!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:16 (eighteen years ago) link

looking at val suddenly makes me feel a little better about myself

― grown so ugly (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:17 (eighteen years ago) link

My best guess is that it's John Ritter doing a Val Kilmer impression.

― Dan (Or Maybe Beelzebub) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:17 (eighteen years ago) link

ugh god. I'm going to go GIS Eli Manning until I feel a little less vomity in my mouth.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Let's face it, without pioneering gay films such as Top Gun, we would never have Brokeback Mountain today. Thanks, Val! WE SALUTE YOU.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Dude, Dan, I was just about to say he looks like John Ritter!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah but what the hell happened to his face??

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:20 (eighteen years ago) link

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/43/4782/1024/jake-gyllenhaal-baseball14.jpg

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/43/4782/1024/jake-gyllenhaal-baseball12.jpg

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:43 (eighteen years ago) link

sir I applaud you, esp the 2nd one!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:45 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.waposdecine.com/jakegyllenhaal/jg11g.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:47 (eighteen years ago) link

http://entimg.msn.com/i/gal/Undressed_50503/KDunstJakeGyllenhaal_300x435.jpg

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:52 (eighteen years ago) link

bastard.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:53 (eighteen years ago) link

wait, are they still together?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:53 (eighteen years ago) link

they are back together after a few months apart, i believe. she initially split up with him 'cos he was too much of a stay-at-home apparently.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:55 (eighteen years ago) link

i may pay top dollar for a k. dunst/j. gyllenhaal sex tape

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:56 (eighteen years ago) link

i'm not proud of this but i'm not necessarily denying it either

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:56 (eighteen years ago) link

No, you didn't deny it at all, you did the opposite of deny.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:58 (eighteen years ago) link

the first shirtless pic is def. from Arena Homme + fashion magazine in 2002.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:58 (eighteen years ago) link

ugh @ snaggletooth dunst -- wtf jake? you can do better.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:59 (eighteen years ago) link

ally, what are you, my factchecker today?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:59 (eighteen years ago) link

yes.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:59 (eighteen years ago) link

i have had three cups of coffee today.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago) link

tho it's not like I was the person correcting your spelling of masturbation euphemisms, you should maybe think about stepping back and looking at the bigger picture of today.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I just watched a Jake interview taped a couple of months ago for the gay channel; he sounds and looks as gay as Liberace. I mean, if Dunst was his beard, I'd believe it.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Kirsten Dunst is not very cute.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago) link

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?