love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

Exclusive: Tory MP attended lockdown barbecue with journalists - Spectator deputy editor, Freddy Gray, and Isabel Oakeshott - as well as Richard Tice, Brexit party chairman https://t.co/IZ9POz4tWn

— Claire Phipps (@Claire_Phipps) June 5, 2020

Q. When will UK zoos be able to reopen?

Yes, these questions from members of the public are always so salient and probing.

open the zoos, free the prisoners

... 'cos that's a jubilee

(Dave Greenfield RIP)

Hancock has been known to throw turds at the gbp occasionally and publicly prance about with a visible erection next a female of the species, wouldn't doubt his suitability to be housed there!

at Chester Zoo I meant!

lions on the street of Chester would add to the Roman ambience imo

So does Bob Seely get punished here or can they all just do what they like now?

tbh getting into a "ban every naughty MP who broke the lockdown" was always a route towards tit for tat madness

best neighbours:

https://i.ibb.co/4JCCfSb/IMG-20200605-113010.jpg

<3 <3 <3

they also might have blood on their hands from clapping so ferociously, amirite?

357 deaths today, probably more than all of Europe combined again.

WE'RE NUMBER 1 WE'RE NUMBER 1

Read 'em and weep, Europeans... errrr

The government has extended the ban on eviction hearings for renters until 23 August (it was 25 June). Good to see, as I mentioned in my show last night, it needed doing as mortgage repossessions are already barred until 31 Oct. Full info https://t.co/upojF9zVvD

— Martin Lewis (@MartinSLewis) June 5, 2020

EXCLUSIVE in tomorrow’s Daily Telegraph

Former Labour MP Frank Field set to become peer after Jeremy Corbyn's three candidates blocked https://t.co/qMJP0iTy7e

— Christopher Hope📝 (@christopherhope) June 5, 2020

quite appropriate really, living in an age of death and with a dead opposition party.

not that I'm complaining about the ring-wraiths blocking Tom Watson of course!

So he 'left' Parliament at the last general election did he? Here I was thinking that, despite holding the seat for 40 years, his massive personal vote wasn't sufficient to stop him losing the seat by 17,705 votes.

I've got a suggestion for his title, Lord Cunt.

that title could still do with being boiled down to its essence tbf, just make it a bit shorter!

tbh getting into a "ban every naughty MP who broke the lockdown" was always a route towards tit for tat madness

Fuck it, most MPs deserve to get kicked out, can't do any harm.

if you chucked a grenade into their funhouse, whichever ever side it lands in there is only a very slight chance of taking out a human!

There's some speculation right now that the R rate is now over 1 in the North West.

Aaaah!

congrats to niccy sturgeon for successfully puttin everyone who reads this off shaggin for life x pic.twitter.com/hAxFX5bk4j

— erika (@erikatkatcat) June 6, 2020

Poll needed!

I really want to see Johnson reading that list out in a sonorous voice, flanked by Whitty and Vallance.

won't brb. I'm off to join a monastery for the rest of my life!

t/s: saliva or poo

chief political correspondent from the scottish sun: “first minister, when can I lick around the anus?”

chris mustn't

I believe rimming is Phase 3 of the lockdown routemap xp

NEW @Survation Poll – UK General Election Voting Intention:
CON 41% (-4)
LAB 39% (+5)
LD 7% (-1)
GRN 4% (-)
SNP 4% (-)
BXP 1% (+1)
OTH 4% (-)
1018 respondents, fieldwork 3 June 2020. Changes w/ 22-26 May 2020.https://t.co/62TcP0gIzi pic.twitter.com/eGI4eqnYlT

— Survation. (@Survation) June 6, 2020

lol Brexit Party cunts

They'd be 20 points clear rn with a shoe throwing tankie leader in a Lenin hat..

*shakes fist at Greens*

I know the greens are bad people but theres no guarantee that that 4% would go to Labour if they disappeared. I know this, because the greens are bad people

All the people I see howling abuse about the George Floyd protestors 'risking lives' are the same people I saw furiously defending Dominic Cummings.
I see you, shameless hypocrites.

Piers Morgans latest tweet.

Nature is healing

This is the shit u see on disaster movies, this ain’t real😭 pic.twitter.com/Pl5IbHhc2S

— Capo (@vincentt_tvt) June 6, 2020

seems like that ^ happened just after this

I’m sorry what the fuck is this guy thinking pic.twitter.com/yMTpcGR9KE

— Dr. "ACAB" Strategy (@inthesedeserts) June 6, 2020

Lisa Nandy on Marr this morning - "I have no idea if Donald Trump is a racist."

ffs. say what you like about Thornberry, she wouldn't be such a fucking coward.

even pin up boy of the FBPE's, Bercow was heaping pure fucking hatred on Trump on AQ on Friday evening. Does Starmer instil such a fear of talking about politics in his shadow cabinet that they dare not even call Trump a racist?

Lonely guy just thinking baout things. Matt Hancock claiming that 'in a way' the figure of 40,000 deaths isn't as important as the story behind one death...

when Matt's brain clicks into 2nd gear and starts thinking about the immense grief caused by 40,000 whoopsy-daisy death stories, he might be better off not talking aloud or having this moment of revelation during a coronavirus briefing!

I actually wonder if there's ever been a more low-key reviled front line politician than Hancock. Obviously there have been loads who are more hated but Hancock has this particular default mode of snivelling invertebrate pissiness and condescension which is particularly ill suited to managing a pandemic response.

This was on Marr's show. People one day will look back and wonder how this complete vacuum ended up with this most important of jobs at this particular juncture in the nation's history.

He’s no better on Sky

Matt Hancock here struggling for 2 minutes to remember the number “zero”. pic.twitter.com/lS3HlHZeOm

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 7, 2020

I think he's very much in the tradition of other snivelling Tory creeps like John Selwyn Gummer and Kenneth Baker but with some additional repellent quality.

Lisa Nandy on Marr this morning - "I have no idea if Donald Trump is a racist."

I guess she means "does Donald Trump consider himself to be a racist," which is totally irrelevant - most racists are of the "I'm not racist, but" type. You're judged by your actions, not your self-identity! What a fucking dishrag. Is there another party to vote for in, er, 4.5 years' time?

A local former "progressive" Tory candidate who ran in 2017 used to be always re-tweeting everything by Hancock, and let's not forget this big beast was a leadership candidate at one point! Anyway this local "progressive" tory *friend* of mine now keeps re-tweeting everything by Jenrick, so she's definitely grown weary of this clown!