Your IRL Friends and Their Musical Preferences

Forgot to mention my siblings. My older sister was the single most important influence on my musical taste though she settled into musical middle age some time ago. I think my brother would say the same about me - influence that is, not musical middle age... I hope! My brother is still obsessive about music but he's veered off in different directions, he's a musician and now into prog and very technical music.

Most of them are into pop, r&b and mainstream hip-hop, many of them like to reminisce about alt-rock's heyday, some enjoy electronic music to a timid degree, some like a couple of 90s indie acts that are still more or less around, others only listen to oldies.

Yeah most of my friends would prob fall into one of these categories. My closest colleague is in a metal band but doesn’t listen to much else outside of a few fairly narrow subsets of guitar-based music. My best girlfriend is big on mainstream pop/r&b. They’re really the only two people I talk to regularly about music outside the home but neither have tastes that are really close to mine.

My brother, nine years older, was the biggest influence in terms of exposing me to lots of different types of music but our tastes have long diverged. My husband likes most of the things I listen to (other than K-pop which he merely tolerates) and is a great resource for 80s/90s punk/hardcore, but he doesn’t bother to seek out new stuff cause I pretty much do all the work for him lol.

A past circle of friends had a nice diversity: one a Dylan enthusiast who also liked Nina Simone, Miles Davis, Freddie Hubbard, Monteverdi and Lieders; one into hip-hop and Ninja Tunes; one into punk.
Another circle of friends has one into Trap music and the latest French hip hop; another into dancehall; the rest nowhere.
My wife likes dance-pop and some hip hop.
Other friends not into anything recognizable. Same for my family.

To be honest, I don't think I'd become friends with someone heavily into music collecting / into obscure or experimental music, and I've never found a way to have music conversations beyond "what do you listen to" or "what's your latest discovery", so no regrets.

Actually I do have a few friends who I met by joining bands, who generally have broad tastes in music. I can't always talk to them about Schnittke or Bongripper or Autechre, but they'll maybe know the name and at least appreciate my interest. My one friend Dan likes the same types of music I do but almost none of the same bands, and not the same albums when we do like the same bands. It's hilarious. At least it gives me someone to go to concerts with.

musical middle age

Cute turn of phrase. is it the same as "taste freeze"? Mrs. McBB stopped caring about new music sometime in the mid-1990s though I've managed to sneak a few things into her repertoire.

I am SO fucking lonely right now in my love for 80s-90s indie pop, specifically Sarah records style as well as early-mid 90s American indie (AKA stuff that borrows a more overt Sonic Youth influence than the UK stuff, generally). It's not the only thing I like, just a major pillar. But I'm on a kick because I associate the music with springtime.

Nobody I know cares! The indie fan friends I've had just can't really be bothered. To them it's just "Evan's 90s shit". They've been riding the trends; indie isn't as hot now- it's all about critically approved mainstream pop these days. But even still, old obscure indie pop to them is like forgotten veggies in the very back of the freezer. To me they're these pure gems I keep unearthing the more I dig.

So, we're very far apart and I have nobody to geek out with. It's come to me searching the internet looking for a community. I know there are some fans here but I feel like there's got to be a dedicated fan site with discussion too? Anyway, IRL friends. I don't even really have any local IRL friends. I am so jealous of all these Brooklyn people I see hanging out connecting over this stuff and forming bands etc. Here I am in NJ, having failed for 10 years to form that kind of bond with anyone... perpetual pity party!

My future husband likes current "country." For the me of 20 years ago, that basically takes the cake.

High school was definitely the period where music was most important for me in bonding with friends; not just in terms of sharing preexisting tastes and interests, but also making discoveries together with other people. That didn't seem to happen anymore starting in university. I could still go to shows with friends and talk about music sometimes, but there wasn't the feeling of joint discovery. I had to go on the internet to occasionally experience that.

With the exception of 2, my oldest friends (friends i have had the longest, 2-3 decades) stopped caring about music a long time ago and I stopped talking with them about it. They mostly think that the music of our adolescence was tops, the end.

That said, I have made a concerted (hehe) effort to befriend people IRL whose interests more closely align w mine musically and I have a lot of IRL music friends now. It's great!

...jealous

It takes effort -- it helps that I am pretty naturally friendly and afraid of no one.

I think high school was the time when I felt most alienated musically. Even when I did find people with some similar interests, the kids into hardcore would think it weird and gauche to also listen to prog rock, the kids in band didn't think noise-rock was music, etc.

Please note that in my previous post pretty modifies friendly, as in somewhat or mostly friendly. I did not intend to claim that I myself am pretty. Even though I’m alright looking I’d never say that!! Anyway. It helps to be chatty. That’s what I meant.

Oh also if we’re talking about alienation, I felt very to somewhat musically alienated for most of my adult life.

My gang of friends at school were just not into music. One listened to The Blues Brothers and Billy Joel, one I only remember ever mentioning Five Guys Named Moe, and my best friend had 0 interest in music at all, the only CD he owned was Shakin Stevens Greatest Hits, an unwanted christmas present still in its wrapper.

Then at University all of my friends were very into music, they were all in bands and worked in record shops or ran club nights and it was maybe 80% of what we talked about.

I moved to China in 2006. Almost all of the Chinese people I know have very little interest in music, the stuff they do like is background only, anything even slightly discordant or exciting is "too noisy." The non-Chinese I know from China are a mixed bag, but never met anyone there who was as obsessive about it as I am.

Since I moved back to the UK a few years back I don't seem to see anyone except my family and the colleagues in my small office - one of whom plays guitar in small gigs sometimes, another who is into landfill indie and Eminem, don't feel I can share that much with them tbh, they have already found the music they like and are not keen to find out about any more.

The only people I know IRL and can talk to about music are my uni friends, and they don't live in the same part of the country.

When I was growing up, it was always a priority to seek out like minded music nerds. But the herd really seems to be thinning out as I approach 30. Meh.

Apologies for my post above, which I have just re-read and is boring af.

no it was good!

In the case of my oldest friends, we met in junior high and bonded over music, primarily punk, indie, and Radiohead, and music continued to be the core of our bond, even as our individual tastes evolved in different directions.

All of my IRL friends I've met since I share at least *some* niche music taste with; with one friend it's old hardcore and doom metal, with another it's 90s hip-hop, etc. I'd say the person I have the least overlap with is my hippie muso friend from meditation meetup who is really into the Dead and jazz fusion, and professes to hate the Ramones.

Loving everyone’s responses so far, thanks, all!

I suppose I'm quite lucky that where I work there's, for instance, not one but two Chrome fans! Who knows there might even be more! Along with the guy I mentioned earlier in the thread, the other Chrome fan is this guy who wears Nurse With Wound t-shirts and knew Genesis P-Orridge and thought he was a dick. I'm not really into talking about music with guys though, it seems a bit juvenile. There's a woman I work with who I like talking to about music though, she's into late 60s/ early 70s music and she looks exactly like she's from 1969 and would be photographed arriving at an airport with Jimmy Page or something. Oh yes, there's also a Romanian guy who seems to be into interesting music, I was going to with him to see this 70s Romanian artist, Rodion GA, but I got the dates wrong and missed it.

knew Genesis P-Orridge and thought he was a dick

This is literally everyone that knew him.

Rodion G.A. sounds amazing, thanks for the tip! Think I might have heard about him before actually, rings a bell somehow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJ77zI1tGU

Pretty much all my friends are through the music/musician scene, although mostly on the middle-aged side so often a little entrenched in their tastes, not that I can talk. Tastes range from prog to doom to punk to classic rock to gnarly noise-rock to whatever else, but everyone has relatively eclectic taste so there's always some common ground to find.
My wife's friends (largely Japanese) aren't really into music at all, other than one who's into 'club jazz'/nu-soul, and find it fantastically exciting that I've actually played in bands. Don't think they'd be saying that after an hour or so in a tour van mind.

One of my friends loves jazz and another likes lots of similar older stuff i like and some new stuff but others seems stuck in baggy or britpop depending on their ages and the rest dont really care much

always considered myself primarily an internet-music-fan going back to usenet days, a solo operator, and had v little in common w/ friends in high school. had a period of overlap through 6th form and uni w/ friends I grew up with especially, my two oldest friends in particular, & while I was the most rabid for a while it felt like a collective obsession as we went to gigs&ATPs, swapped records, put some DIY shows on together, got to know ppl a bit and so on. around 24 I was living far away from anyone and was out of contact with most ppl but wld still meet up for gigs/clubbing/jamming occasionally, and since then I've moved to the city & met a bunch more ppl who are p into music of one kind of another, in bands, go to shows etc.

I still have my old pal I can fairly reliably call up to go to any weird/serious gig, my other half whose taste is all over the place but is heroically open&joyful & will come to basically anything even on a sunday night, one particularly loyal & gloriously high-energy clubbing companion who is the nucleus of our bopper crew, a few big time indie kids inc one who has turned into a big glossy pop/kim petras/pc music/charli xcx-ish fan and regularly sends me Rad Shit, one rnb/pop/country fan, my friend who secretly has the best taste who I can go see and just sit down and swap tunes with (into a beguiling mix of rap/northern soul/jazz/dance/outernational/crate-diggerish stuff), as well as a bunch of friends who are p open-minded and somewhere between "quite" and "seriously" into music & who say nice things when i send them tunes or playlists and sometimes reciprocate. I love & am fascinated by my friends' taste and am always interested in hearing abt what they like&why, finding overlap, enthusing, dancing, engaging in nonsense arguments and all that good stuff

Sounds like a good crew.

Rodion GA

I need to check this guy out. I asked my dad if the name rings a bell and he said 'vaguely', so he clearly missed the bandwagon when it was still around.

friends rool ok

I'm def not as into music as I used to be, and probably suffer more from the inverse. I was obsessed enough in the past that I mostly sought out the company of other music heads (I probably have Asperger's), so most of my closest enduring friendships are with music people. I've lamented having too few friends for whom music is not the main thing in their life, or who enjoy the same activities i'm into lately, but the truth is most of the time I don't want company anyhow. I have newer friendships based on other shared interests, but without the history of shared experiences. But I'm never lonely or even bored. Alone time is what I can never get enough of.

As with most others I'd imagine, there are different areas degrees of overlap with different friends, but there is no one person who is interested in all of the music that interests me or vice-versa.

The two I overlap with the most are a semi-professional record collector who is the most expansive and adventurous listener I know (fond of inviting me over for listening sessions to showcase his latest discoveries), and an electronic musician with a masters degree in music composition who is the most astute (and more inclined toward discussing music we've both listened to for decades). The music part of these two relationships are still rewarding. The latter is probably more sensitive or sympathetic to my diminished enthusiasm, and talk of my current interests is something they tolerate or endure. Conversations always seem to come back to music sooner or later, which I guess is inevitable and even desirable because it's such a huge part of their lives.

The people I know who I enjoy recommending to and receiving recommendations from, are people who still seek new things to listen to (not many do). None of them align closely with my tastes, but my taste is eclectic enough to occasionally overlap with them. I am completely fine with this. I also have a few work friends who enjoy talking about music, but are stuck in bygone eras and it's almost like reminiscing about great meals we've had. There's a guy at work who has pretty wide knowledge of a certain strain of early 90s rock who can be fun to talk to. He's a marketing guy and his only interest in modern music is for use in promotions - which is actually kind of more interesting to chat about than old overplayed rock.

When I was in my 20s, I was really annoying about music. I was full of zeal and would find something new that i loved and just cram it down everybody's throats. Once I recognized this behavior, I slowly retreated and learned how to internally appreciate music, and until I had a kid I've been . This board, for almost 20 years has really filled every need I have for having music nerd friends.

One of my dearest friends sells records and books for a living (Hiding Place Books, look it up), and we share many enthusiasms and also disagree on many things.

I have another friend who used to be on here sometimes with whom I continue to share a love of house and techno.

These first two live in Philly, so we see each other fairly often. Sometimes I get very drunk and listen to records for hours with the former.

Other friends who share some music tastes are far-flung, though mostly in California, which makes sense as I worked as a music journalist out there and was involved in alternative music communities in a much bigger way.

My partner doesn't actively seek out music the way that I do, but he has very esoteric tastes and is tolerant of my blasting weird music in the car and at home. Only rarely does he say, "this is some high-ass noise, please put it on your headphones."

But for the most part, people have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about when I talk about music.

So...what are some bands your homies or work buddies like (but you don't) but if they invited you to go to a concert with, you would - street cred be damned?

For me, it's metal. I don't go to metal shows with my music friends, but when I'm back home and someone asked me to go with them to a metal show I would.

Or, like, work friends. This one work friend asked me to see Peter Gabriel with her, which I would gladly have done. I was broke and felt so bad about it, because I was afraid she thought it was because I was too goth or that I was judging her.

Do you ever just flip the bird at your more cynical peeps because you want to be entertained?

Cynicism doesn't seem to play a part in anyone's decision making anymore. I'd be surprised if I met someone in 2022 that gave me a hard time about certain types of shows/artists not clique-approved unless it was Kid Rock or something shitty beyond taste preference.

I agree, people tend much more chill these days, but I'm middle-aged and some of my acquaintances are still a bit crabby, arthritis and aging / deceased parents and all.

In spite of those things, I meant.

I still feel bad about the Peter Gabriel thing to this day, partly because I hadn't forgiven stuff like "In Your Eyes".

if someone invited me to like, a Taylor Swiftian mega pop show, I would go. just because I don't get to see things of such spectacle often.