love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

wah wah I'm the victim

Someone is practicing the saxophone

i was going to put only my youngest extended family members at risk! it was fine!

Doesn't Peter Brotzmann live in London these days?

That noise is making me pine for Cafe Oto

It’s a lovely Dominic Cummings press statement in the rose garden, and you are a horrible goose

— m cox (@mmdotcox) May 25, 2020

Trying to bore us to death here.

I had to leave so that I didn't leave my wife at home alone (when I should have been isolating with them)

jesus, feel like I should be getting paid to listen to this

marco Rubio-esque drink of water there

What is this, his fucking livejournal?

so yeah i was wrong but for reasons i didn't expect

Did anyone else laugh at this shit about the hospital distance

What a boring little cunt.

MY EYESIGHT

My eyesight is fucked.

Wife: let's go for a drive??

I thought this dweeb would come out swinging at least!

This is gloriously pathetic

swinging means you respect your opponents. this is clear derision

They drove 250+ miles without a piss?

LOL the story about how he was spotted in Barnard Castle is such bullshit.

Driving 30 miles to test his eyesight omfg

if this wasn't real life this would be hilarious

did he just contradict his own mum about his movements after his uncle carked it

Who the fuck was threatening him in London?

working remotely doesn’t exist in cuntworld

NEITHER OF US REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION

He and Boris were so ill they couldn't remember a conversation they had! LOL!

here come the warm jets from reporters

No apology.

Laura k ‘do you understand’, playing the softest possible throw there

He is not looking forward to answering these questions!

Lol Kuenssberg first

those terrible rude people who shout at him outside were threatening him. So the new line is "momentum drove him from the city even when he was poorly, what a hero he is"

Lol he doesn’t regret it

why couldn’t his sister come to visit him

Non, je ne regrette rien

oh my god the staging of this – he's got an Amazon basics desk

the media the media the media the media the media

People are angry because of the media.

no pies thrown yet?

what benefit did he get by travelling 250 miles? did he even get the childcare from his nieces in the end? I didn't hear that in the statement

Not this fucking dick.

he's either never had a minute's media training or this is deliberate and I can't decide. He definitely isn't even going near admitting regret

pesto ffs you useless fuck

pesto's cats are deid

Lollll

did Pesto kill his cats are did he have Jolyon round?

Stop asking three part questions!

SHUT UP PESTO