Top 100 Reasons You Aren't Doing That Thing You Claim to Want to Be Doing

57 your mom

56. waiting for Kendrick Lamar to return my fuckin' dominoes

55. Can't be arsed

54. Read VALIS, it’s in there

54. That Vardy lad put some treacle in my boots

53. One of the cats is sitting in my desk chair and he looks too comfortable to move.

52. Paralysing belief that my whole life is an unfolding pattern of self-saboutage

51. Everything is possible, and yet nothing is. All is permitted, and yet again, nothing. No matter which way we go, it is no better than any other. It is all the same whether you achieve something or not, have faith or not, just as it is all the same whether you cry or remain silent. There is an explanation for everything, and yet there is none. Everything is both real and unreal, normal and absurd, splendid and insipid. There is nothing worth more than anything else, nor any idea better than any other. Why grow sad from one’s sadness and delight in one’s joy? What does it matter whether our tears come from pleasure or pain? Love your unhappiness and hate your happiness, mix everything up, scramble it all! Be a snowflake dancing in the air, a flower floating downstream! Have courage when you don’t need to, and be a coward when you must be brave! Who knows? You may still be a winner! And if you lose, does it really matter? Is there anything to win in this world? All gain is a loss, and all loss is a gain. Why always expect a definite stance, clear ideas, meaningful words? I feel as if I should spout fire in response to all the questions which were ever put, or not put, to me.

50. getting out of bed is a tall order

49. the invisible hand

48. the weather

47. getting old

46. lost in thought

45. complicated, but has to do with my parents

44. can't decide if the thing I claim to myself that I want to do is 1) what I really want to do regardless of what anyone else thinks, or 2) I only want to do it to prove to people I'm not stupid.

43. you you motherfucker you

42. can't just do some of it, would have to do the whole thing, and it's not fun

41. no one visits us anymore anyway

40. Because everything I like is illegal, immoral, or--worst of all!--fattening.

39. Because I can't drink to the death of *REDACTED*, if the *REDACTED* won't die.

Because of a gazillion life obstacles. But I am managing to reconnect with things that used to bring me joy that I neglected and forgot about for years which is why I'm doing better lately.

Also not drunk enough