ITT pitch your concepts for horrible '70s album titles/covers in the style of I've Got My Own Album To Do

Band members' faces on the coins ought to do it! Possibly being slammed down onto the counter of a record store by either a) some denim-clad rocker type, or b) a fishnets-and-miniskirt model type. Record store clerk is handing them a Loose/Spare Change LP with his mouth hanging open - maybe a vest-and-moustache type with stogie protruding from the corner of said mouth.

I like it. There could also be a poster for the 9-11 conspiracy film Loose Change displayed prominently in the shop.

Neil Young & Crazy Horse: Horses For Courses (each guy is photographed doing a different activity at a different race track)

― "...And the Gods Socially Distanced" (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, May 12, 2020 1:07 AM (eight hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

How about a band called Horse, and the record is "A Horse Off Course" with the band on horseback wandering off the racetrack.

Roni Size - Size Isn't Everything.
Front: Cartoon-style illustration. A (more) miniature Roni is standing in the palm of a giant, leering record exec-type as the city spreads out beneath them. What the exec can't see is that Roni's holding a syringe (almost as tall as he is), and is about to plunge it into his palm.
Back: Exec is sprawled out over a row of buildings with birdies tweeting around his head. Roni's standing atop his voluminous belly, arm-in-arm with a couple of fashion models, with a voice bubble coming out of his mouth saying the album title.

Justin Thyme's 1971 semi-self-titled debut, "(Got Here) Justin Thyme", is a lost underground classic of the country-rock genre. The cover shows Thyme in cowboy attire in the doorway of a saloon, arms resting on the doors swung inward, pit-stained and still dusty from the trail, ready to draw the guitar off his back like a six-gun.

Robert Zimmerman - Who's Bob Dylan? (1972), is a bizarre one-off soft-rock album recorded at a low point of Dylan's career when he had tired of using his famous pseudonym. Cover here.

lol. that would also work equally well for a different artist also named Robert Zimmerman

also lolling @ "Size Isn't Everything"

https://i.imgflip.com/414xa8.jpg

https://i.imgflip.com/42kiwa.jpg

https://imgflip.com/i/42knok

http://i.imgflip.com/42knok.jpg

Recorded almost 10 years after nearly dying in London, Jimi Hendrix' "Experiences . . . I've Had a Few" is an attempt at a back to basics record in the vein of Let It Be, but like that record, betrays a lack of inspiration.

“I’ve Had a Few”, you say?
Here, these are your materials - wouldn’t know how to do it myself:

https://static.ticketbar.eu/amsterdam/classificaties/combi-tickets/rondvaartenheinekenexperience/rondvaartenheinekenexperience_grid-1515498095.jpg

https://thisgirlabroad.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/img_2742.jpg?w=672&h=372&crop=1

(there’s your font)

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/XUlTeiFJCS1eyIfCBdsI4rHBFmcBe_o5nguc95gdl8VEePtNZ244748H2lKAsQQgoY3LZQhLbmKUCBm7Ypsbgpgnmg

https://www.multiple-box.de/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/artikelbild-161.jpeg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e9/50/6c/e9506cd936288804a91cf7e66ac26d5a.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/77/37/92/773792b3395528026055c6fdb6c2d40a.jpg

Optional: work something in with “let it beer” or “let it... burp”, or even “burple haze”, you get the drift.

Martin Handy - Keep One Handy

I can't decide if the cover should be said Martin waving a handkerchief coquettishly, or a cartoon giant hand proffering a hanky with Martin in it, or Martin's face printed on a condom.

That's what gatefold sleeves are for, you can have them all!

How about a band called Horse, and the record is "A Horse Off Course" with the band on horseback wandering off the racetrack.

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive)

there was a band called horse, this is their album

https://www.youtu.be.com/watch?v=OWgzkLTHbkA

it's pretty good

i am also reminded of diana marcovitz's 1974 singer-songwriter record "a horse of a different feather"

https://www.discogs.com/Diana-Marcovitz-Horse-Of-A-Different-Feather/release/4165951

15 for sale from $3.26!

i do have a friend whose last name is handy. his first name is not "martin" though because he's american. he's never released an album with a pun-based title that i'm aware of, though.

Martin's face printed on a condom

Shades of...

https://img.discogs.com/NfW6H3hg7_F-V7O30CVznHfA_Bo=/fit-in/600x604/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2581883-1363315105-3321.jpeg.jpg

Now I'm envisioning a bass-feature record called "Back to Bassics" where the artist has actually never released anything other than stream of basic bass-feature records.

Sadly the only record of that title on Discogs seems to be some minimal techno thing.

Martin Handy - Keep One Handy

i'd honestly prefer the title "comes in handy" and the cover art is just the artist fucking his clone with a strap-on, that way it can be on two threads

Oh god. Definitely the follow-up.

Hit the Pavement

Malkmus, Spiral Stairs, and crew are lying on the road, having been severely beat up. Possibly by their clones

Bill Callahan returns to the Smog moniker with "They Oughta Do Something About The Smog" -- cover is Bill coughing in a polluted urban streetscape

The Doors "Those Swinging Doors" etc

IMHO The Doors definitely missed a trick by not by having more opening/closing puns in the titles of their six LPs.

The first post-Morrison album should've been: "One Door Closes...Another One Opens!" With a cover pic of Manzarek et al walking out of a funeral chapel arm-in-arm and laughing. Back cover: an urn.

"A Byrd in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush!"

Folk duo Flaherty and Burke stand shrugging in front of a sign saying Tree Fellers Wanted

Clearly there needs to be an album titled "Hot Takes" where the cover involves a studio reel-to-reel machine in some way.

I am sort of torn between having the reel-to-reel in flames vs having the artist doing that gesture where you put your finger on something and pretend it's really hot and make a cheeky face

The first post-Morrison album should've been: "One Door Closes...Another One Opens!" With a cover pic of Manzarek et al walking out of a funeral chapel arm-in-arm and laughing. Back cover: an urn.

― some infected evening (Matt #2), Thursday, May 28, 2020 7:05 AM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahaha ok yes

Tiny Gets Waxed

front cover: Tiny Tim is stretched out on a chaise longue in the middle of an old-timey recording studio; only the upper half of his body is visible. the horn of a wax cylinder phonograph is positioned a few inches from his face, and a sound engineer is standing by to oversee the recording process. Tiny is presumably singing into the horn, though you'd swear by his gaping mouth and furrowed brow that he was yelping in pain.

the scene continues onto the back cover, where we see that Tiny is naked from the waist down. his dick is exactly as big as you'd expect it to be. a beautician is peeling a strip of orange-pube-encrusted wax off of Tiny's pasty crotch.

(the record itself is a collection of bawdy ballads dating back to the 1890s and 1900s. it's one of the rarest and least sought-after LPs in existence)

Clearly there needs to be an album titled "Hot Takes" where the cover involves a studio reel-to-reel machine in some way.

I am sort of torn between having the reel-to-reel in flames vs having the artist doing that gesture where you put your finger on something and pretend it's really hot and make a cheeky face

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, June 1, 2020 4:11 AM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Needles slammed up into the red on the VU meters and the cartoon smoke from the cover of Loaded coming off the machine.

Metallica The Black Album Revisited (2032)

An old man's hand (wrinkled, liver spots etc) opens a black leather photo album with various sepia-tinted pictures of the Metallica members, each dressed in black.

Six month's later, Chad Kroger's "Look at this Photograph" is also released, featuring old chad kroger holding an infinite recurision of the younger chad kroger meme

Max Boyce - Boyce Keep Swinging

Welsh language close harmony David Bowie covers album, on the front is Max as Ziggy on a swing in a playground, on the back cover is a parody of the Heroes picture with a giant leek between his hands.

It feels like a wasted opportunity that when The Sweet were reduced to a trio in 1979, they never managed to release an album called Three Piece Sweet

Album cover would've been three jigsaw puzzle pieces, with candies on them.

Derrick New - Out With the Old...

Cover is a very elderly man walking through a door marked “OUT” and the artist walking through one marked “IN”

James Archibald - Self Driving Car

cover is a selfie of the artist driving a car

Had an idea for an updated version of this concept. Record is called “Guitarists HATE Him”

Aging UK DJ puts out record called "Bangers 'n' Mashups" - cover is bangers and mash plated on a vinyl record

actually that one would be perfect for DJ Food

https://i.imgur.com/uMfLH0S.jpg

well done

Winner

Robin Zander solo record - '...with this one weird trick'

lol @ Robert Culp

an extra horrible one came to me tonight -- the cover is a paycheck resting on a scale that is going down a playground slide, and the title is "Pay on a Sliding Scale"

hahaha

Cover shot is Crosby wandering through the desert, a soft mallet in either hand.

Earl Klugh Trio - Klughless

Cover is just the other two members of the trio. So are the tracks.

what about an album of David Crosby covers played on xylophones etc entitled 'If I Could Only Marimba My Name'

― o shit the sheriff (NickB), Tuesday, March 29, 2022 12:47 PM (one month ago) bookmarkflaglink

I missed this the first time around. Underrated.

https://i.imgflip.com/6t1k19.jpg

A covers record, obv

brilliant

Ages ago I imagined a parallel universe John McLaughlin stooping not quite to 'McLaughin' (not even possible in parallel worlds) but rather to 'Aughlin a Laugh'.

McLivlin, McLaughlin, McLovlin

Band is called E.V.O.O.

Album is “Extra Virgin Killer” - bottle of olive oil on black background.

A Flair for the Dramatic

The cover is a hot alt model who is wearing a fake beard and mustache, to resemble William Shakespeare. But rather than Elizabethan garb, she's in a TGI Fridays-style waitress uniform with lots of buttons (a la Jennifer Aniston in Office Space).

Lester and Jack Eyvil - The Lester of Two Eyvils

The Ombudsmen - Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

He should make a record called Losing Bonamassa. Cover is him getting calcium pills from a doctor.

― walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, February 20, 2015 3:51 PM (seven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

The Doors - Don't Let Us Hit You in the Ass

Lol. Aging Jim Morrison would have been a goldmine for these I bet.

The spoken-word album that discusses and evaluates a certain Louvin Brothers record, by the singer of "Kiss From A Rose."

Ratin' Is Seal

I’m pleased to announce my forthcoming acoustic flatpicking record “Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Strings”

A Robert Plant album with the title Industry Plant in block red letters across the top. In the center of the frame is a huge fern, with a mic stand & guitar propped in front it. The fern is surrounded by several figures, all costumed in exaggerated style, and whose sight-lines lead to where the fern's "eyes" would be: (a) to the left, a sleazy label type (portrayed by Plant himself), chomping on a cigar and thrusting out a contract & pen; (b) to the right, a "dealer" with a huge baggie of white powder in one hand and an oversized spoon in the other; and (c) crouching lower in the frame, a "groupie" type, gazing up lovingly.

Was just thinking that a truly abysmal name for a record would be “Countdown to Poundtown”

(The front cover) The artist (with an expectant expression and prominent wristwatch) being led by the hand by a hot lady…(on the back cover) to an animal shelter with cute pets in cages; artist looks chagrined.

Cover photo: inside of a mud hut. Pith helmet-clad artist is sitting opposite an African woman dressed in traditional wedding garb. Scattered around him are various communication devices - semaphore flags, pad and pencil, Morse code machine. In his hand is a loudhailer. His companion is giving him a bemused, uncomprehending look.

Album title: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me

xp: gatefold is a fake £1 note with the artist's face in place of the queen's head.

(The front cover) The artist (with an expectant expression and prominent wristwatch) being led by the hand by a hot lady…(on the back cover) to an animal shelter with cute pets in cages; artist looks chagrined.

― Expansion to Mackerel (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 20 December 2023 03:53 (eight hours ago) link

lol yes

Julian Clary makes early 90s album of duets, cover art of him climbing out of a giant trifle bowl, titled The Poof Is In The Pudding (produced by Bob Stanley & Pete Wiggs)

Bluesmen Walter Washington & Walter Trout sit under a bridge, looking forlorn.

Title: "Bridge Over Troubled Walters"

Moe Bandy - This Is Actually My https://i.imgur.com/0Q4F3R6.jpeg Rodeo!!! (1976)

the cover art would look something like this, but with a trio of cowboys standing around laughing at an indignant Bandy

https://i.imgur.com/N5vDcgJ.jpeg