your terrible ideas

A day in the life film where life is narrated to the tune of Playa Hater by Biggie, describing everything that person does in that sing song voice

A twitter account for being mean about art and people in the art world, called Angry Juan Gris.

start a long thread on twitter explaining that epidemiologists are finding out many earlier cases of covid-19 from january or even earlier have been identified outside china and there’s a country still under reporting that was likely the real source of the virus: russia

then get all of the people who are obsessed with claiming everything in the usa is a symptom of russian interference on board with calling it the “russian virus”

write an 800-page intellectual history of rockism in the style of late twentieth century poststructuralist french philosophy

I might read that

a sequel to ‘yesterday’ in which jack shoots to stardom on the wings back catalogue

And then an alternate universe spinoff where he records Shaved Fish and Double Fantasy

A guitar effects pedal - when you push down the switch, the signal from your guitar is cut off and the pedal automatically generates widdly-widdly fills and solos until you release the switch again.

also a Zoom version where you hold down the spacebar and it fills in corporate waffle for you

The Philip K Dolls - a Pussycat Dolls tribute act where each member is styled after a particular PKD novel.

Homes Under The Hammer but instead of grimy two-up two-downs in northern Britain they send Dion Dublin to look at fixer-uppers in Sydney and Melbourne.

Homes Down Under The Hammer

How is that not already a thing?

make MC Hammer the new host

Homes Down Under The Hammer Time

with Cyndi Lauper co-hosting:

Homes Down Under The Hammer Time After Time

Denny's Homes Down Under the Hammer

World’s Most Evil Kittens

If Aretha had lived long enough, I would've liked to propose she sing an updated version of 'Who's Zoomin' Who' to advertise...well, you know.

would that she had

http://cnn.com/2020/07/01/us/hampton-inn-black-family-pool-trnd/index.html?fbclid=IwAR0CUbvh5VLn_mb82ryMJk-DxZuvN9ttz0_nOdDVz6Kpe8ZA9A_RoHEv0og

I kind of want to write a short story about a black family who has the police called on them like this while staying in a hotel, and to try to make up for it, corporate gives them multiple free hotel stays. Only then, in each of the multiple free hotel stays, they again have the police called on them. So they just exponentially grow vacations but continue to get harassed each time.

Sounds like Hilbert's Hotel, but with racism

I could see it as a Jordan Peele film, although it's kind of a flimsy premise for a feature

screwball mob comedy called "It's a Made, Made, Made, Made World"

Cocteau Twang, a compilation album of popular country acts offering up rootin', tootin', boot scootin' reinterpretations of your favorite Cocteau Twins numbers.

Two chocolate bars that combine the top and bottom halves of a Snickers and a Double Decker. 'Dickers' = the peanuts & caramel top of the Snickers combined with the biscuit-crispy bottom of the Double Decker. So called because that's what you'll say when inevitably bits of it get stuck in/between your teeth/filling. 'Milky Why?' = the nougat half of both bars.

I saw one of those dumb “life is good” shirts the other day that I’d forgotten existed and now want to make versions that say “life was good” with images of people missing mundane activities like going to the movies or not dying of covid

All Blue Lives Matter, a movement for LGBTQ cops

a new competitor for google search that relies on real life people using google to search for the thing that users ask for and find the best result. like if you search for "tabletop games magazine" then some guy will take a few seconds to sift through the google search results and then pick the best ones for you. could be a real game changer for older people who take 45 minutes to google for an IRS form because they're so damn slow

^ this supports my contention that computers are just a drastically worse experience for everyone than the existence of administrative/secretarial staff

xp -- I had a very similar idea a while back, basically a search "hotline" for old people uncomfortable with computers (you'd call and they'd do the search for you)

the true force behind parents' cliched pining for grandchildren revealed

idea for much improved movie sequel formatting: instead of, say, "BORAT 2", you call the sequel "2 BORATS" and it's basically the same as the first movie but now there are two Borats, or whichever such person or thing, in every scene. works for anything: "2 PAULS BLART MALL COP" "2 POLICE ACADEMIES" "2 SHAPES OF WATERS"

2 Look Who's Talkings

2 Fasts, 2 Furiouses

Wraths of Khan

8 Weddings and 2 Funerals

221 Grams

2 Terminators

o wait

...actually how the ill-fated sequel to “girl with a cup” got produced.

104 Pickup

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

So you know the radio/dealership stunt “hands on a hard body” where you get some contestants to put their hands on a pickup truck and whoever holds out the longest wins the truck?

Well allow me to introduce you to Hands in the Hamburger

Where you put two tons of burger meat in a parking lot and get people to put their hands inside it, whoever holds out the longest wins the hamburger

their body heat collectively cooks the raw ground beef, which is then made into meatloaf for needy children

2 Weekends At Bernie's

Yachtzee: a game where you have five sailboats and you set them adrift during a hurricane and see which ones do best.

How about 2 Weekends at 2 Bernie's, an extremely convoluted plot in which two different sets of insurance agents discover two different overlapping frauds and murder plots and each tries to pretend their respective dead boss is still alive to the other, not realizing that the other is doing the same thing. I can't even really work out the details of this, which is why it's a good terrible idea.

new idea: short-lived food-scented incense.

pho, lasagna, thanksgiving turkey for starters

I had friends who lived next to a burger king that was constantly billowing smoke no matter how not busy they appeared and we theorized part of their branding is to burn a flame broiled whopper incense stick the size of a 2x4 on the roof all day

The Peruvian rotissierie chicken places in my neighborhood definitely follow that model. When the wind is right I stand on my porch and find myself craving Peruvian chicken, without quite knowing why.

So here's a follow-up idea to my idea that somehow got stolen and became Too Many Cooks: an NPR podcast that is all credits, with each individual having one of those fantastic or improbable sounding NPR staff names. Title: This Hyphenated Wife

infinite recursion reaction videos -- reaction videos to those music reaction videos, and then other people doing reaction videos to those reaction videos, etc.