shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

https://ny.eater.com/2020/3/31/21200948/ardyn-doomsday-dinner-party-coronavirus-nyc

Ardyn’s menu of Japanese hamachi, wagyu ribeye steak, and heritage chicken for $150 to $165 per person with a minimum four-person order, delivered to diners while wearing bunny masks.The catch: Customers must then finishing cooking — and assemble, however artfully they can — the meals themselves in their own homes.

sure

Purge, party of four.

ITT shit that looks like an Onion article and really is:

https://local.theonion.com/man-just-buying-one-of-every-cleaning-product-in-case-t-1842493766

haha!

https://variety.com/2020/film/news/tom-hanks-coronavirus-blood-research-vaccine-1234589978/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJMEPHNjHE0

in other news, the world's last surviving "inside edition" tv show is surviving covid-19! we'll show you how, on tonight's "inside edition"

"the owner may have some tips to help other businesses"
um, suuuuuurrrre.

peep that text mode UI tho

Axl Rose and U.S. Treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin feud on Twitter

Matt Lauer: Why Ronan Farrow Is Indeed Too Good to Be True (Opinion) https://t.co/j3Hzdnhz1v

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) May 19, 2020

mmmm nah

https://pitchfork.com/news/jay-z-puts-a-fiona-apple-song-on-new-playlist/

https://www.pedestrian.tv/tech-gaming/security-robot-given-the-gift-of-intelligence-chooses-to-drown-itself/

Marvin, is that you?

https://pagesix.com/2020/04/24/eminem-donates-moms-spaghetti-to-detroit-hospital-workers

David Lynch ends daily weather report by recalling dream about being a dying German soldier on D-Day
https://news.avclub.com/david-lynch-ends-daily-weather-report-by-recalling-drea-1843952285

JK Rowling recalls 'amazing' moment she met her idol Morrissey

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/nov/27/jk-rowling-moment-met-morrissey-harry-potter-interview-robert-galbraith?CMP=share_btn_fb

music? she just liked his ideas on social values

I wish both she and her work would vanish altogether.

From the Washington Post:

https://i.imgur.com/wx3B8GL.png

tbf she's basically the onion

Alexandra Petri mostly does satire, it’s basically an onion article

https://www.metrotimes.com/city-slang/archives/2020/06/10/michigan-man-goes-viral-after-telling-rage-against-the-machines-tom-morello-he-used-to-be-a-fan-until-he-realized-the-band-was-political

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2020/06/my-little-pony-nazi-4chan-black-lives-matter/613348/

BREAKING: Devin Nunes can’t sue Twitter over statements by fake cow, judge rules https://t.co/JtMpP6NfKs

— Kate Irby (@kateirby) June 24, 2020

"Teens in quarantine are roleplaying as 'Karens' on Instagram, making fake personas dedicated to loving wine and supporting Trump"
https://www.insider.com/karen-fake-instagram-accounts-teens-quarantine-roleplaying-tiktok-2020-6

Lol I have a 45 year old stay at home mom friend who made up a fake FB account (that uses “Karen” as part of the personas surname) to infiltrate and troll a bunch of “all lives matter” fuckos

aces, can I back her patreon

A Teenager Didn’t Do Her Online Schoolwork. So a Judge Sent Her to Juvenile Detention.

this story is so heartbreaking.

And utterly infuriating. Reading this after Trump's 'more white people are killed' spiel yesterday is just too much.

It's heartbreaking and just batshit insane. Fucking America.

is there a thread for realizing, in middle age, that significant portions of your life strongly resemble an onion article

depression thread is on 77 i think

Trump’s New COVID Doctor Says Sex with Demons Makes You Sick https://t.co/NCNiIZ5SYq

— Noah Shachtman (@NoahShachtman) July 28, 2020

that's ridiculous. none of the demons i've slept with have made me sick. in fact i think we all felt more energized

they are good for stock tips too

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-race-chevron-idUSKCN24P1Y7

Chevron diversity ratio to improve as layoffs progress

Hire more women guards etc

hire :clap: more :clap: women :clap: efficiency :clap: experts

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/09/arts/television/jerry-lewis-telethon-kevin-hart.html

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ep435n/gig-economy-company-launches-uber-but-for-evicting-people

still trying to figure this one out

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/rbg-mom-joins-satanic-temple_n_5f6b3565c5b629afbe990c15

The Death Of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Pushed Me To Join The Satanic Temple

you should watch the doc Hail Satan! all about the ST

I prefer to have a personal relationship with Satan

another vote for Hail Satan?, it's great

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/sep/24/man-licorice-dies-massachusetts

Well, that's horrifying. I never liked licorice anyway!

tbf, he was eating A LOT