Kids say the darndest things

haaa

A, 4, about her nearly one year old sister: "Can we die her? Come on do it now! She's a bad baby."

This was largely in jest. Couldn't decide whether or not to tell her "it's 'kill', not 'die'".

is she a bad baby

iyo

This was entirely a case of projection.

I had a “fake-out” one of these last night... after I scooped myself a bowl of ice cream in his presence (maybe a jerk move), and told him, No, you already had a donut today, and also your after-dinner snack, he said:

“Hmm. I can’t really argue with that, but I feel like I should.”

I laughed out loud; then he revealed it’s a line from Bone (a graphic novel he’s read four times). Guess if the kid’s old enough to be quoting things, he’s getting too old to fall into the “darndest things” category.

...and yet:

“AAA Insurance? Is that some kind of battery insurance?”

K (8) has been reading and talking about historical figures a lot, and as a result E (4) now regularly refers to "Susan Big Anthony"

Hahaha

At dinner 3yr 2 mo old Opal said she had a “creepy dream where a white flower with a white jacket walked up to her and pulled stinky cheese out of its pocket and threw it at her”. She reiterated that it was not a nightmare but it was creepy. I’ve never heard her say creepy before. I also don’t totally believe her because we were just talking about stinky cheese so I think she either made up the whole thing or just embellished her dream.

She’s been seriously stalling bedtime for a few months now, either screaming fuss fights or occasionally just silly chatter and questions. Tonight she called me back into her room and said “krystoff (frozen), I have a question. Where do baby bees come from?” I said they come from their mommies and daddies. She said “but where do they come out of?” I said I think bees have eggs. She said “oh. I didn’t know that. Like there are dinosaur eggs and bird eggs and bee eggs. I didn’t know about that.” I said I think so, now get some rest so you’ll be ready for the coronation (frozen again) and she said “Maybe in the morning we can look it up.” I said yes now get some sleep Anna (guess).

My 3yr 2mo old is currently calling avocado “water-cado,” because it’s “aguacate” in Spanish (which her g’ma speaks around the house).

I miss when our daughter loved all things Frozen.

This has been blowing my mind:

“Dad, I made you a Father’s Day card. On the inside I drew you being shocked because the card is so beautiful.”

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/97977426_10163525912230304_3870902707891994624_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=4Phf1GeXHu4AX_EQtTE&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=90871b3cf97a474e8b8758fd0533419e&oe=5EEFDFD5 https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/100821885_10163525912275304_1731597235969327104_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=CjfvNXOyQ-sAX_12JVj&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=7363c35531e7bbdbb4ef9f43448fd4c5&oe=5EEFA619

luv it!

that is A++++

Legendary

haaaa

Yikes!

When is Father's Day?

You have a karate class tomorrow —

“No no no no no, conversation done. End chat, BEEP!”

These Gen Alphas, I swear.

"How big were the first computers? Were they so big that you had to, like, JUMP on the keys to type?"

(I thought this was cute)

at bedtime, the five-year-old was basically like yelling POOP! POOP! so i said, why do you like saying poop so much.
she said, it's a funny word. you know, like six is a funny word.
i said, six is a funny word?
she said, yeah, like that book that [older sibling] has
reader, this is the book she is talking about:
https://microcosmpublishing.com/previews/Sex-is-a-funny-word_lg.jpg

H: If that guy really does dig a big trench for the cable, I'm going to go out there to watch him...

ME: Yeah, I guess that could be interesting?

H: ...since I've got nothing else to watch since we've got no cable right now.

Also I got pwned by the 13-year-old pretty good, so bad that I tweeted it.

She's been on a Star Wars kick, so of course I've been all "Back in my day, there was a wolfman who frequented the cantina! No CGI like in those 2000s movies!"

She got a collectors magazine in the mail the other day.

BEEPS: They even have pictures of toys you told me about from the... 1900s?
ME: The 1970s.
BEEPS: Yeah, that's what I meant.

yesterday my 12 year old son totally seriously mentioned that he saw something old that "probably dates back to the 20th century"

"Daddy, does existence have a meaning?"

ME: You're asking me this at dinnertime on a Wednesday evening?

"Well, I saw it on a TV show..."

My 5yo made his first comic nerd pun/joke:

Him: What does that say on the wall?

Me: "Yankee go home." It means they want the Americans to leave.

Him: If the Thing from the Fantastic Four wrote it, it would say, "Yancey Go Home."

Just heard my 5yo singing 'everything is awesome! everything is falling out of a tree!'
He's only heard it a couple of times...

Legos falling out of a tree would be awesome!

My 5 year old playing with straws and water-squirting toys in the bath: Cmon, stay stable, have some momentum water!
Me: Momentum water?
Him: Momentum water, it’s like energy water.
Me: Yes, I suppose it is.

I told opal (almost 3.5) about constellations a week ago and at dinner tonight she said “daddy and I are both born in March so we’re Macy’s because there was a fish in the sky”

She can't speak yet but when our one year old sees a cat in our front garden through the window I'm pretty sure she's trying to say "omg what is it? A cat! Wow, a cat! I love it! Cat! I want to touch it! TOUCH IT! NOW! CAT! TOUCH IT! WHERE'S IT GONE?! CAT! COME BACK! CAT! CAAAAAATTTT!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

"Daddy, I have an idea – I need a knife, and a bar of soap..."

Hahahaaa

I love everything in this thread

Opal's really into stalling bedtime. When she's in a bad fussy mood it's a total nightmare but when she's in a good mood it can be really cute. Tonight she asked me to look up if Tapirs are related to Elephants. I said it wasn't clear because I saw 2 websites and only one mentioned elephants. She said "do you know a lot of websites?" and then "before you go can you tell me about...um...two websites?"

lol that is so cute

love it!

When Opal's fussy but not too fussy I often say "who's the boss? are you the boss?" and she say's "I"m the boss!" but sometimes I say "mommy's actually the boss" preserving gender norms, sorry. Early today as I tried to get her down for her nap she suddenly said "why is Mommy always the boss?" so I said "why did you say that, because I joke about that?" and she said "mommy's the boss because you make a lot of mistakes so she's the boss". I then tried to explain that actually we're a team.

opal otm

cosign opal, that kid has a bright future in HR lol

My son and I were playing a tense game of chess while he finished a snack. Then he said: "I wish I had some pretzels left... I wanted to try 'stress-eating'!"

Ha!

Opal watched a nature documentary about elephants today. While in the potty before bed she asked me “what is die?” There was a scene where elephants came to a dry watering hole and found elephant skeletons. She said “some elephants didn’t get enough water…so they died and their skeletons fell out.”

My 5 yo told me that he wants to be president so he can send secret detectives after Jeff Bezos to catch him stealing, then he would pretend to be a bad president and hire people to dress up like they were poor so he could steal from them and make Bezos trust him, then he would send his soldiers to kill Bezos and give his money to the poor

I told him the Saudis already tried it

Hahaha

Opal currently screaming at the top of her lungs from her bed “I’m too tired to fall asleep!”

Was explaining something regarding the origin of humans to my 7 year old when my 4 year old gives her theory:

"First there were dinosaurs, then there were pirates, then there were dragons, then there were doctors, then there was us"

I was unable to get any explanation for the pirates, but the doctors were there before us because "we all used to be babies and you need doctors for babies to be born"

how were the pirates born? maybe the LSAT answer to this question is "you need dinosaurs for pirates to be born"