love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

it's almost as if the police are dicks who will always interpret any power given to them in the most authoritarian way possible

I was out on the tops in the dark last night and was actually getting nervous when I saw the copper chopper!

thinking twice about incorporating a booze and baccy run into my government mandated exercise brought to you in association with Sports Direct today

being an arsehole rozzer
√not essential

The new regulations are out https://t.co/UXv9SKKXqj

— Daniel Sandford (@BBCDanielS) March 26, 2020

Basically everything not selling food, medicine, petrol, etc ordered to close.

well surprise, surprise, the cops are just making up their own rules now. i thought the point of the government measures was to achieve social distancing, and not about inflicting misery on all and sundry just cos

― ymo sumac (NickB), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:37 (one hour ago)

I suppose the problems emerge if you get in an accident on the way or your walk? In general though if you're going to do your exercise surely it's better to do it miles away from anyone else rather than in the streets/a crowded park?

― Matt DC, Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:40 (one hour ago)

I called my mother today and she was complaining that the head of Dorset & Devon Police (?) had been on the local news telling people they shouldn't get in the car and drive to somewhere secluded to exercise, which I had thought was totally within the rules?

seems dumb for my self-isolating parents to be constantly walking up and down a series of residential streets and the nearby reasonably well-trodden Scenic Path when they could drive for 2 miles and be somewhere with nobody for miles around (like, for nearly 2 miles, perhaps)

I understand that the announcement may have actually meant "don't drive to the beach or some other obvious tourist suntrap you numbskulls" but that's a bit different

(xp, thanks SV)

"for children to travel between separated parents"

I guess it's good that this is an exception but it's actually bad for my family, as my cousin's ex makes her drive literally hundreds of miles across the country after work every Friday to drop the kid off for the weekend, and she lives in the same village as my/our gran and her parent/my uncle+aunt, who do a bit of childcare for their grandkids and also (used to) drop in on my 90+ gran often - which used to be a very nice arrangement, but now those two family tasks are a bit incompatible, especially if the kid is picking up germs from halfway across the country every week

so I was really hoping she'd stopped doing that, and could point at all the govt guidance to say why not, but if it's a spelt-out exemption then her ex will probably insist

I suppose there are almost certainly more cases where this is a good rule than where it's a bad rule

+Dry Cleaners, Post Offices, Banks, Pet Shops, Vets.

Wondered what the story was on heel bars as being seen as essential.
Hoping that they have been properly categorised, like.
& cobblers since I like having my boots done properly.

heel bars are where you get keys cut also

need keys for locking up my huge stockpiles of toilet rolls, rice and lager ffs!

tell me more tell me more

One thing I think many British people may not understand is that the 'government will cover 80% of your salary if you can't work because of coronavirus' scheme is actually very similar to how regular unemployment benefit works in a lot of Europe

— Jon Stone (@joncstone) March 26, 2020

i for one welcome comrade covid-19’s efforts to ensure the uk’s regulatory alignment with the eu

it's all these British mugs deserve for voting for tory cunts for over 40 years, they are so full of class-ridden masochistic self hatred they'd chod on prince Charles' toxic Covid 19 addled cock if he commanded them to by royal decree.

ilx’s lawyers have asked me to step in and make it clear that any and all previous allegations linking prince charles to forced oral sex remain unproven

lol! when he talks about monstrous carbuncles to his servants he doesn't mean modern architecture!

Grim lol about the fact that, after 15 years of rampant demonisation, most of the country will be on benefits from next month.

yeah but it’s different when I’M on benefits, not like THOSE dole-bludging scum

the nu disease era curtain twitchers with benefits are looking out for people who have more than one walk/supermarket delivery/garden wank a week!

sorry for gratuitous crudeness, got a big booze-pile in today - started supping mid-aft.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUDVlBIWoAAU-tr?format=png&name=900x900

he's done it again!

who's the hideous mutant on the far side of the stairs!!? we're not in kansas any more!!

BREAKING: Chancellor @RishiSunak announces HUGE support for self-employed - taxable grant worth 80% average monthly profits over last three years, up to max £2,500 a month.

— Pippa Crerar (@PippaCrerar) March 26, 2020

cool to see pesto during the sunak press conference repeatedly describing this and other measures as a ‘bailout’ for taxpayers as opposed to, y’know, how a decent functioning society should always operate

lots of precariat/low-paid self-employed twitter are saying these measures are still inadequate/punitive to the poorest. Why am i not even slightly fucking surprised.

If big Johnny Mac was doing this, Bobby P’d be openly wondering if Princes Charles and Philip were well enough to rise from their respective sick and deathbeds to lead a coup.

will they do it off this year's tax return if I submit it in april? otherwise I'm going to get a completely inadequate amount. and I'm not really sure why? why needlessly punish people who have complicated work situations or are recently self employed?

— joe (@cillanoir) March 26, 2020

The looming collision with the middle classes and Universal Credit is going to be painful for the middle-classes and potentially also for the goverment: https://t.co/U4ePEYjkB1

— Stephen Bush (@stephenkb) March 26, 2020

The first is that that it doesn’t provide any support for people who became self-employed since April 2019, who are going to be funnelled towards universal credit and many of those who are receiving salary protection (both salaried and self-employed) likely will end up having to claim as a bridging measure.

The self-employed are generally proud people. Many will struggle with the thought of having to sign on for universal credit if they don't qualify / need help faster.

— Paul Brand (@PaulBrandITV) March 26, 2020

unlike those fucking feckless benefits scum eh? cunt!

that is really something.

My ex MP Paula Sheriff liked that comment as well! The fucked up dualities of some of these performatively *nice* Labour melts.

Surely all these chickens coming home to roost must be a potential new rona vector?

Actual lol

Definitely laughed at Ed Davey tweeting a story about himself with the default share text

UK politician chides PM Johnson for spurning EU ventilator programme https://t.co/wsA4Jyv3GS

— Ed Davey MP 🔶🇪🇺 #StayHomeSaveLives #ProtectNHS (@EdwardJDavey) March 26, 2020

lol when you have to do your own social media

I actually clicked to see who it was, assumed it was Moran or someone.

Looks like the UK is joining the EU ventilator scheme after all.

Wow they have a brain cell between them after all

BREXIT MEANS BREXIT

They're claiming they never saw the correspondence, when it seems more likely they buried it because they thought it would be politically embarrassing.

I VOTED TO SUFFOCATE

Very reassured that “we are too incompetent to read email” is the best excuse they could come up with

so my entire neighbourhood appears to be applauding the nhs rn

jolly good show

anybody applauding the NHS who didn't vote Labour last election should be strung up

Yeah I just looked out the window and nearly cringed my colon clean out

anybody applauding the NHS who didn't vote Labour last election should be strung up

― Let's kill the Queen and be legends (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 26 March 2020 20:03 (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

this is precisely my own sentiment

I forgot about the NHS clap-off until I heard some noise outside and curtain-twitched in my disapproving middle-aged way

surprised people did it, thankful it was brief

Yep, two weeks behind Italy