OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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paid content articles are going to be a rich vein for literary analysis in about three years

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 25 March 2020 19:46 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande teamed up for "Rain On Me," an upbeat dance track where each singer takes a turn with a verse. They also sing together on some of the choruses. https://t.co/eap8R2kl0p

— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) May 23, 2020

Inadequate grass (morrisp), Sunday, 24 May 2020 20:31 (four days ago) link

(the tweet, dunno about the article)

Inadequate grass (morrisp), Sunday, 24 May 2020 20:31 (four days ago) link

"Both wear eye makeup."

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 24 May 2020 23:29 (four days ago) link

reminds me of NAME RELEVANT SONG FROM ANTI THAT MATCHES DESCRIPTION

dyl, Monday, 25 May 2020 00:07 (three days ago) link

Ladies and gentlemen, I rarely post articles in this thread. But today I found a piece of work that I feel is truly, truly exceptional. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

https://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/mark-words-lets-rock-way-extinction-2578080?fbclid=IwAR0JEbEYNsElq4MpZYShemmOw6LLkiDsOTTNI7EWf7We8i4tgYcALV5F08w

Made it to this point, couldn't go any further:

The fact is, whatever you think of their music, Coldplay put on one of the most spectacular, un-beige, bed-shitting live shows on the planet, a tornado of colour and excitement that makes a Beyonce show look like Milkfloat Karaoke.

Assuming it goes on in this manner and is confirmed to be parody by the end.

soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 14:44 (two days ago) link

even without a pandemic going on i don't know if i'd attend a bed-shitting live show

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 14:47 (two days ago) link

Holy shit, this article

(so serious) (DJP), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:05 (two days ago) link

Does the bedshitting provide natural, renewable electricity to power the instruments

I am a free. I am not man. A number. (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:10 (two days ago) link

"un-beige bed shitting" suggests the blueberries went bad

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:17 (two days ago) link

And if our efforts to save the planet fail? I’d rather spend my last few decades of habitable planet rocking out to retina-exploding 5D live shows, thank you very much. At least I’ll end up saluting my desert mutant warlord with a whole bunch of euphoric nights behind me and a wrist full of flashing neon bracelets.

1) - this is sad
2) - mostly posting to prove i read the whole thing

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:20 (two days ago) link

"At least I'll have my memories of Coldplay concerts when the environmental apocalypse comes" is one hell of a thesis statement

xp: lol I may have had similar posting motivation there

(so serious) (DJP), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:22 (two days ago) link

it's strange to me that he invokes maroon 5 as the sort of cultural decay that would justify complete nuclear annihilation, and yet for some reason coldplay is the band whose shows must go on even if the price is total environmental catastrophe. like, if you just squint hard enough

budo jeru, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:25 (two days ago) link

5. Bring on the day, says I, when all human culture is obliterated by ecological apocalypse and rebuilt by the brave few who were intelligent enough to keep their Strokes records off-Cloud and live up a hill.

I guarantee (and counting myself among them) no one who owns a physical copy of a Strokes album is going to survive the apocalypse.

sure but even so that’s probably the nicest conceivable way you could criticize that horrible sentence

budo jeru, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:54 (two days ago) link

When you go to Bartertown, the Strokes cds are the first thing they will confiscate

I am a free. I am not man. A number. (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:56 (two days ago) link

at first they came for the maroon 5 CDs, and i said nothing

budo jeru, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 16:56 (two days ago) link

Oh it's Mark Beaumont, I should've guessed - he was always a terrible writer.

Gavin, Leeds, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:00 (two days ago) link

Also just want to point out that the column is called "Mark My Words"

Xxxpost budo - you don't see "says I" dropped into a sentence everyday

A Moment With Beaumont

some infected evening (Matt #2), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:20 (two days ago) link

xp says you

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:20 (two days ago) link

Sez who?

Trouble Is My Métier (James Redd and the Blecchs), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:23 (two days ago) link

Also just want to point out that the column is called "Mark My Words"

It's actually "Mark, My Words" which is even more 😱

(so serious) (DJP), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:27 (two days ago) link

omg that thread

(so serious) (DJP), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:35 (two days ago) link

"Heavens! Bring on the day, says I, when all human culture is obliterated by ecological apocalypse and rebuilt by the brave few who were intelligent enough to keep their Strokes records off-Cloud and live up a hill. ;-)"

(so serious) (DJP), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:36 (two days ago) link

haha sorry! the comma really makes it next level

Mark, my Spotify playlists, let me show you them

budo jeru, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 17:44 (two days ago) link

"At least I'll have my memories of Coldplay concerts when the environmental apocalypse comes" is one hell of a thesis statement

Apologies if this is mentioned in the article (I'm not reading it), but I'm reminded that Chris Martin said the following in 2005:

”I think Radiohead are better than us,” says Martin of his group, which includes guitarist Jonny Buckland, bassist Guy Berryman, and drummer Will Champion. ”They’ve pushed themselves further. Them and U2 are tough to catch up with. But my mission is to beat those bands out of town. When the world ends in 200 years, it’d be nice to have it be ‘Oh, yeah, and the best band was Coldplay.’”

Charging for Brewskis™ (morrisp), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 20:31 (two days ago) link

(I'm not reading the article because my brain apparently retains 15-year-old EW blurbs, and so I need to be very careful what I put into it.)

Charging for Brewskis™ (morrisp), Tuesday, 26 May 2020 20:33 (two days ago) link

Don't deny yourself

Read it!!

I feel swindled. That piece was partially tongue-in-cheek and just too predictable to rise to the inverted heights of 'Neil Young's Lonely Quest to Save Music'.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 21:24 (two days ago) link

do you guys remember when Coldplay first appeared and the hook that every writer threw their hat on was that Chris Martin did this weird thing that appealed to American Christiany types where he would talk about being a virgin?

mh, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 23:08 (two days ago) link

sorry, maybe that he was a virgin until the *omg* ripe old age of 22 and still relatively chaste, as if he was untouched by the vile rock sex cult

mh, Tuesday, 26 May 2020 23:09 (two days ago) link

vile rock sex cult

think I saw them supporting Zodiac Mindwarp back in '92

Neil S, Wednesday, 27 May 2020 12:42 (yesterday) link


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