OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

i don't think this fits the thread perfectly but we need to talk about this

https://www.businessinsider.com/electric-guest-tour-north-america-mercedes-benz-sprinter-van-2020-3

How an LA band completed a tour around North America in a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van

...

This means the duo — and the two other musicians who play with them while on tour — need to share the three-passenger row Sprinter while on the road.

While they're on the road, Taccone takes the back passenger row while Compton gets the middle. The two additional touring members get the front row directly behind the driver and passenger seats.

how in the hell is that not marked as sponsored content

"SEE ALSO: This $150,000 off-roading camper van built on a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter can stay off the grid for 7 days"

Business Insider, posting an ad thinly-disguised as an article? What is this world coming to?

the band has a member of lonely island

but what kind of IPA do they drink?

xpost his brother is in the Lonely Island ... not that that changes your point, I don't imagine

unless i don't know something ... which is entirely possible.

i am only paying attn to twitter a little bit right now (work at a hospital and day job is, uh, very busy) but i couldn't quite tell if ppl were clowning the publication or the band. or both?

if it's not marked as ad content that's pretty silly.

the whole thing is silly.

but there are a lot of old punks on the timeline touting their '94 tour in a brokedown econoline and acting like they wouldn't have jumped through fire at a chance to tour in that van!

asa has written some of the lonely island’s music. he also co-wrote that big song by portugal the douchenozzle

the band too ephemeral to be a real nemesis

I think it was the timing more than anything, just with everything going on it seems even more vacuous and stupid

I mean, it's Business Insider

A colleague sent me a Business Insider link today, and it’s a “BI Prime” story (behind paywall) – which means he must actually subscribe(!?)

lol

I mean, it's Business Insider

paid content articles are going to be a rich vein for literary analysis in about three years

Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande teamed up for "Rain On Me," an upbeat dance track where each singer takes a turn with a verse. They also sing together on some of the choruses. https://t.co/eap8R2kl0p

— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) May 23, 2020

(the tweet, dunno about the article)

"Both wear eye makeup."

reminds me of NAME RELEVANT SONG FROM ANTI THAT MATCHES DESCRIPTION

Ladies and gentlemen, I rarely post articles in this thread. But today I found a piece of work that I feel is truly, truly exceptional. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

https://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/mark-words-lets-rock-way-extinction-2578080?fbclid=IwAR0JEbEYNsElq4MpZYShemmOw6LLkiDsOTTNI7EWf7We8i4tgYcALV5F08w

Made it to this point, couldn't go any further:

The fact is, whatever you think of their music, Coldplay put on one of the most spectacular, un-beige, bed-shitting live shows on the planet, a tornado of colour and excitement that makes a Beyonce show look like Milkfloat Karaoke.

Assuming it goes on in this manner and is confirmed to be parody by the end.

even without a pandemic going on i don't know if i'd attend a bed-shitting live show

Holy shit, this article

Does the bedshitting provide natural, renewable electricity to power the instruments

"un-beige bed shitting" suggests the blueberries went bad

And if our efforts to save the planet fail? I’d rather spend my last few decades of habitable planet rocking out to retina-exploding 5D live shows, thank you very much. At least I’ll end up saluting my desert mutant warlord with a whole bunch of euphoric nights behind me and a wrist full of flashing neon bracelets.

"At least I'll have my memories of Coldplay concerts when the environmental apocalypse comes" is one hell of a thesis statement

xp: lol I may have had similar posting motivation there

it's strange to me that he invokes maroon 5 as the sort of cultural decay that would justify complete nuclear annihilation, and yet for some reason coldplay is the band whose shows must go on even if the price is total environmental catastrophe. like, if you just squint hard enough

5. Bring on the day, says I, when all human culture is obliterated by ecological apocalypse and rebuilt by the brave few who were intelligent enough to keep their Strokes records off-Cloud and live up a hill.

I guarantee (and counting myself among them) no one who owns a physical copy of a Strokes album is going to survive the apocalypse.

sure but even so that’s probably the nicest conceivable way you could criticize that horrible sentence

When you go to Bartertown, the Strokes cds are the first thing they will confiscate

at first they came for the maroon 5 CDs, and i said nothing

Oh it's Mark Beaumont, I should've guessed - he was always a terrible writer.

Also just want to point out that the column is called "Mark My Words"

Xxxpost budo - you don't see "says I" dropped into a sentence everyday

A Moment With Beaumont

xp says you

Sez who?

Also just want to point out that the column is called "Mark My Words"

It's actually "Mark, My Words" which is even more 😱

"Heavens! I kill you know ;-)"

omg that thread

"Heavens! Bring on the day, says I, when all human culture is obliterated by ecological apocalypse and rebuilt by the brave few who were intelligent enough to keep their Strokes records off-Cloud and live up a hill. ;-)"

haha sorry! the comma really makes it next level

Mark, my Spotify playlists, let me show you them

"At least I'll have my memories of Coldplay concerts when the environmental apocalypse comes" is one hell of a thesis statement

Apologies if this is mentioned in the article (I'm not reading it), but I'm reminded that Chris Martin said the following in 2005:

”I think Radiohead are better than us,” says Martin of his group, which includes guitarist Jonny Buckland, bassist Guy Berryman, and drummer Will Champion. ”They’ve pushed themselves further. Them and U2 are tough to catch up with. But my mission is to beat those bands out of town. When the world ends in 200 years, it’d be nice to have it be ‘Oh, yeah, and the best band was Coldplay.’”

(I'm not reading the article because my brain apparently retains 15-year-old EW blurbs, and so I need to be very careful what I put into it.)

Don't deny yourself

Read it!!

I feel swindled. That piece was partially tongue-in-cheek and just too predictable to rise to the inverted heights of 'Neil Young's Lonely Quest to Save Music'.