Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

Vile scum on the N91 ranting at the top of his voice about how he "fucking hates queers" whilst punching the glass divide because three seats in front of him one man had the audacity to kiss another. 0/10.

Teenage girl on the upper deck of the N41 who sat so close to me that she was practically on my knee, then proceeded to yell "stop rubbing up against me you perve" at the top of her voice when I tried to move my legs. 0/10.

Guy sat behind me on the N18 whispering directly into my ear "if you don't get off the bus right fucking now I am going to kill you". 0/10 (but fair enough, as I had just been sick everywhere).

stop rubbing against teenagers you perve

valuable new posters

Dear girl in fake hemp leaf headband and boyfriend wearing "I <3 boobies" t-shirt,

It's rude enough to leave your empty beer can on the bus, but playing your stupid music on cheap crappy speakers and chanting "hempfest!" while making joint motions with your fingers is just dumb. And incredibly annoying to the rest of the over-packed bus, especially me, standing in front of you and just tryin to listen to my iPod like a polite member of the transit riding public.

2/10.

Elderly overweight lady with bum-bag sat next to me on the W7 who smelled of wee so much that it made me gag: 0/10

Don't know if train station bathrooms count as public "transportation".

Normal looking guy at the urinal next to me in Union Station who walked up and flushed the toilet, then - while peeing - picked his nose with the same hand he flushed the toilet with, then flushed again with the same hand, following up with a cursory two-second handwash on the way out the door: 7/10 for chutzpah.

10/10 for demonstrating why I never touch anything in public restrooms.

my top two all-time...

youngish homeless dude who sat next to me on the Folsom lightrail, who laughed at everyone who made eye contact with him 5/10 (I had to deduct 5 for the smell. I am not averse to the smell of cigarettes but he smelled like a wet overflowing ashtray on a hot day...I could hardly breathe) But the laughing was awesome.

the screaming man on the East Brunswick tram 10 years ago. He got on at my stop every morning, and he always sat at the front of the tram. He would be very quiet, and then he would start to make this gulping noise, and then suddenly he would scream at the top of his lungs. If someone across from him stared at him, he would scream more often...but mostly it seemed pretty involuntary. Loudest, most blood curdling scream you ever heard. It always made me want to cry. 0/10.

The one sitting across from my blabbering really loudly for 1,5 hrs: SUB ZERO. Christ, SHUT UP ALREADY, YOU ARE NOT AS CUTE WHEN YOU ARE CACKLING

Crazy Slavic dude who has been on this one particular bus every time I've had reason to take said bus, and who preaches aloud to himself and sounds exactly like the Count would if he were a crazy religious fanatic: 11/10

Dude on the night-bus at 1.30 am the other night who heard my iPod Shuffle and tapped me on the shoulder, showing me his own iPod which had Boards Of Canada's 'An Eagle In Your Mind' playing, then telling me repeatedly as I removed my earphones that he'd know that break anywhere, before going onto explain to me how Geogaddi is the album of the decade, and how as an aspiring music-critic he was writing the album up on his blog, telling me the name of his blog, and engaging in some idle chatter, largely concerning Warp Records, you can have 6/10 because the song was actually 'Sunshine Recorder' off your beloved Geogaddi. Sorry, dude.

Person who farted up the train: goddamn - change your fucking diet.

Person who sprayed enough cologne or perfume or whatever to cover up the fart smell that liquid drops appeared on the screen of my phone and therefore probably all over me: Fuck you too.

Two foot tall African infant at Camberwell bus stop, doing impressively dead-on Michael Jackson dance moves while singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with babytalk gibberish replacing the actual words: 10/10

Awesome.

I was really disappointed that his bus came so quickly

driver of the midnight 202 from catford to lee who put his foot down and got me there in 5 minutes, and who when i became the only person left on the bus gave me a wave, struck up conversation, and left me his name to add on facebook, you can have 8/10 because the name you gave doesn't seem to exist

Person who farted up the train: goddamn - change your fucking diet.

Person who sprayed enough cologne or perfume or whatever to cover up the fart smell that liquid drops appeared on the screen of my phone and therefore probably all over me: Fuck you too.

― Kylie is a vacant Phifer (kingkongvsgodzilla), Friday, January 22, 2010 6:32 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

God, I realized today that this is because some of the train cars have toilets in them. For some reason, the fans from the toilet are connected to the air system for the rest of the car. I do think it's the same person stinking it up however and goddamn I just can't imagine what they eat everyday for their guts to be so rotten.

Oyster ticket checker who tried to stop a guy getting off a bendy bus saying "EXCUSE ME SIR, CAN I CHECK YOUR TICKET PL-" only for it to drive off: 3/10

Guy who obviously hadn't paid and shot a smug look at the stranded ticket guy as the bus drove off: 8/10

London bus drivers: Level 18, Chaotic Neutral

The 12?

yeah

last week, waiting for a 286 to take me to cricket practice, there was an enormously obese man waiting for a bus with his fairly attractive girlfriend and a couple of suitcases. as he waited for the bus he kept leaning on his suitcase and doing some sort of ego-affirming dance. he was wearing massive red pyjama bottoms (or cargo pants or whatever huge ppl wear) and of course he was wearing that 6-piece baseball cap thing that most obese people who idealise themselves as being street seem to tote. then the bus came and i got on. sat at the back. he got on. his girlfriend scanned her oyster card. he started ostentatiously fishing around in his pockets. he did not have a card. he looked for some money. he did not have money. he had to get his girlfriend to find two quid. by the time he'd paid, about 2 or 3 minutes had elapsed. the bus set off. then we approached my stop. at a quiet moment, halted at traffic lights, i pressed the bus-stopping button. about ten seconds later, he pressed it as well. for me, this is a black mark against any character. dude just couldn't give a fuck about the world around him. anyway we stopped, and i got off. as i got off i noticed this dude begin to harangue the driver about something. i walked into the university site where the sports hall was, turning round on occasion. the bus was still stationary. it took two minutes for the argument to be resolved, and the bus to pull away, by which time i could barely see it. that guy gets 1/10.

6-piece baseball cap thing

?

it might just be a standard baseball cap, but it's got the flat front brim and the six triangular pieces of leather curved up to meet at a button on top - the cap is not hemispherical but choad-shaped - it tend to attenuate their massy head girth. by 'obese people' i mean 'obese men', really.

btw the bus driver mentioned upthread also stopped literally outside my house to let me off, might bump up to 9/10

Dudes who got on the front of the N21 absolutely bladdered, one stumbling to the top of the stairs, then another one proceeding to write the words 'FUCK OFF' in the condensation, draw a picture of a penis, and then sign his work (with an underline), then jump on his two friends sitting in the seats across the aisle and submerge them in a mock-fistfight, pretending to stab and batter them, all while calling the two women already sitting behind them 'good guys' and promising to beat his friend up if he touched them, 9/10 for entertaining and mildly terrifying me

Also on the 12, there was a guy who started screaming at the driver to hurry up and drive, even though the bus had visibly just run somebody over. At the next stop after the bus had moved on, he screamed at the driver not to stop for a woman with a pushchair who was trying to get on. At the stop after that he got off and sprinted down the road.

Not gonna rate that one tbh.

The bus had run somebody over!?

Wait yeah wtf?!? It kept going after running someone over? Where do you live, Zombieland?

young lady on the 341 talking incessantly in high, keening voice on her mobile, having the temerity to annoy me while I had a hangover 2/10

It seemed to have hit somebody as it went past, she wasn't mangled under the wreckage or anything, but the Police were already there and they spoke to the driver for a bit before he moved on.

Sometimes you just don't want the driver to be hanging around tho

Annoying English family with out of control child that ran up and down the carriage to stare at me before the train even moved: 0/10, worst savages alive imho

sitting behind me on the 414 from Fulham this evening: vile couple in their 50s, at least one of whom was wankered in that slurry umc way. They seemed to utterly despise each other, with him telling her that she'd destroyed every relationship he'd ever had before repeatedly calling her a "stupid fucking bitch".

depressing end to the weekend and I wish my ipod had waited until they'd gone before running out of juice.

0/10 btw

ah man

fuck it, everyone gets a 10

hny

How was your New Year's Eve, Louis?

Glasgow to London train, guy sat down opposite me, thought he was Krakow for a moment, and he wasn't, so 0/10.

Feller who got on the tram, scuffled all the way through it saying 'excuse me, please excuse me, I'm on DFP (or something, may have misheard this), sorry, excuse me, thank you, thank you', approached a seat at the end, said 'that's my seat, sorry, that's my seat, thank you, thank you', sat, rocked violently, yelled 'FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF!!!' at the air and switched to yelling in another language: 8/10, for having the ability and the grace to be as courteous as he possibly could.

dude on subway is sitting there solving a rubies cube with one hand, nbd

Sad bitch who, when I stood aside so people could get off the tram, fucking barged in front of me (and who I subsequently whacked very hard with my bag): 0.00000002

Seemingly normal looking woman who took the seat next to me on the bus, but then proceeded to practically climb onto my lap such was her keenness to use me as some kind of leaning post, and who had about eight bags with her meaning I had to clamber over them to get off when my stop arrived: 0/10 and I know what you look like so whenever you get on again I will just give you the fucking seat, here, you can have it all to yourself, no really I insist.

300 year old guy with egg-sized tumor on face. .02 but if you sat on the other side just once so I didn't have to stare at that thing, 1.5.

Community college student who looks like Maynard G. Krebs and sings loudly and tunelessly and has conversations with imaginary people while iPod bangin' Harry Potter audiobooks (I looked over your shoulder), 5. Without the sunglasses 2.

Group of highly nerdy pre-teens who looked uncannily like The IT Crowd (one even had a Moss haircut ffs) and talked about computers for 20 mins: 8.5/10 for being accidentally wonderful

Rangy looking guy a week or so ago on the Tube desperately trying to convince everybody that he was from another time and needed to get back, he was on the Met Line so I guess that's a start. 8/10 (-2 for being stinky)

2x suitcase-carrying student girls queuing for train at Euston

Student girl 1: Ohmigod this guy just like, totally cut me up, and like, totally didn't even say sorry? I was like, you are *sochatwat*?

Student girl 2: Ohmigod, that would like, never happen in Hertfordshire.

1/10

d bitch who, when I stood aside so people could get off the tram, fucking barged in front of me (and who I subsequently whacked very hard with my bag): 0.00000002

I would post this on the trivial shit that ruins your life every single day thread if I was the kind of guy who posted on that thread

people who take the aisle seat + put their bags on the window seat when the train is clearly going to be packed and only grudgingly move them when you stand over them:

a universal 8.4

businessman in pinstriped-suit eating mcdonalds sitting in the middle of a 3-seat lane on the train. Wouldn't budge up a single inch to let my gf sit down properly (even though there was plenty of room next to him) and insisted on slurping on his fingers all the way through the journey.

you suck
0.5/10

loud girl who screeched "He fookin said he doesn't shittin. How gay is that? Naaaaaaa!" etc right behind me for 10 minutes
i don't even ...
0.1

he doesn't what??