your terrible ideas

A gameshow like family fued, but the survey is fed into a nlp algorithm that estimates the likelihood of an answer. Goal is to give an answer that <0.1% of population would give according to the algorithm. Answers fed into algorithm in real time to prevent successful reuse of good answers.

i like that idea but i would change the successful range to something like 0.1%< x < 1.0%, because otherwise you could just answer "ten stamp ralphie cat banana face" or whatever. setting the target zone just higher would mean you'd have to answer with something that's just barely plausible and still makes some sense

so we are a team then. let's go get some investors.

the pitch meeting should start like this:

"hello group of 6 middle-aged men with shaved heads sitting behind the same side of a long table. what if we asked you one question - "what dish would you bring to a 4th of july potluck?" - but with a twist. you have to come up with an answer that between 0.1% and 1.0% of the general population agrees with? go ahead, please. try to answer that question now."

"...no, incorrect."
"....no, think a little less common, less than 1% but greater than 0.1%"
"....-n-no. no."
"...haha, no that's not right"
"...haha i'm afraid "ten stamp ralphie cat banana face" is a little too esoteric, remember you need to guess something that is greater than 0.1% as well, so it can't just be a random string of words"
"...no"

...

"well it looks like we're out of time for this episode, i mean pitch meeting. thank you for your time"

(possible back-up plan in case pitch meeting doesn't go well: in a 6th sense style twist ending, tell them that the meeting they just had WAS an episode! in fact, it was the pilot. this will buy more time for maneuvering and adjustments to the pitch, possibly leading to a second meeting)

do you not have Pointless in the US?

eminem starts rapping like it's y2k again, making novelty songs about pop culture

he'd rhyme "billie eilish" with "coronavirus" obviously

saw a twitter joke like that except it was miley cyrus instead of billie eilish

his references are a little out of date, sure

Coronalympics. All the athletes compete via YouTube.

too late, they're already sorta doing that for multiple sports!

https://kotaku.com/entire-spanish-soccer-league-including-barcelona-and-r-1842402310

After the success of a one-off game between Sevilla and Real Betis on the weekend, all 20 sides in Spain’s currently-suspended La Liga—from Barcelona to Atletico Madrid to Valencia—are getting together to play a tournament in FIFA 20.

unfortunately, your idea has also been declined because it was a good one - apparently people loved it and they're expanding the competition!

A zombie movie where 80% of the people carrying the zombie virus are asymptomatic

lol

https://i.imgur.com/Z0bMZJX.jpg

"You hear about Malkmus changing his tune? Says now that you should ALWAYS quarantine the passed."

:D

wowee

I'm gonna start a kissing booth

lol, now would be a particularly bad time to revive the lamentable “FREE HUGS” trend of the mid-00s

(Every time I saw someone with one of those signs I would think “I’ve never paid for a hug in my life you twee fuck”)

Actually, a sign that says "HUGS: $5" feels right for these times

Fines start at £30 here

a band called Ghost Train where the lead singer is a little kid dressed like papa ermeritus but with Thomas the Tank Engine face paint. They'd perform this song but w/ better guitar/harmony/etc. parts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSARStO46g4

New holiday called Vapril Fools, where everyone carries around kazoos and pretends that they’re vape pens

By “pretend that they’re vape pens” I’m taking about people not the kazoos, which are just for fun and self defense

Not a good time to be putting your mouth on people

That’s where the ”fools” part comes in

A little tiny hourglass measured out to 20 seconds that each patron using the office restroom could flip over before they washed their hands.

Do they flip it with their hands? If so, cool, belongs in this thread.

One that worked with a foot pedal might actually be a good idea

How about everybody has to flip it over after they wash their hands, starting the timer for the next person? That way it helps the sanitation problem, while also introducing a fun new time-constrained coordination exercise to public bathrooms

Would need to think about the penalty for not beating the timer, though.

a service that schedules your meeting on all available video conferencing platforms and then randomly selects one immediately before the meeting. because of this, nobody can express their favor or preference for one of the other platforms during or before the meeting. the opinion is useless. we use Webinar Herzog for meetings at this company, and we've accepted the chaotic nature of the video conferencing wilderness.

How about robotic "cuffs" that extend out and clamp on your wrists, forcing you to vigorously wash your hands for 20 second?

a carwash for your hands, like those spinning brushes that bars have to wash drinking glasses. but you stick your hands in there for 20 seconds. clean, raw hands.

truly horrible, kudos

A(nother) song reminding people to wash their hands, titled 'Wash Your Hands', sung to the tune of David Bowie's 'Watch That Man'.

You've heard about daylight saving time. What about daylight saving space? Every spring, everything gets a little bit bigger. Like a millimeter in every direction (for things at a recognizably human scale).

Then, in the fall, everything shrinks by the same amount. You'll barely notice, because it's everything, and it stays proportional.

Then we can join that concept together with daylight saving time, and thus have a true four-dimensional daylight saving spacetime.

Well I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon look smaller than everything else.

dick pic timestamps under new scrutiny

audiophiles going fucking crazy bc the frequency response of their setups shifts dramatically with the new rc time constant

Need to readjust the cpu clock. All lenses now out of focus.

"I brought my fall glasses by accident"

A German gangsta rapper called Glock'N'Spiel.

A day in the life film where life is narrated to the tune of Playa Hater by Biggie, describing everything that person does in that sing song voice

A twitter account for being mean about art and people in the art world, called Angry Juan Gris.

start a long thread on twitter explaining that epidemiologists are finding out many earlier cases of covid-19 from january or even earlier have been identified outside china and there’s a country still under reporting that was likely the real source of the virus: russia

then get all of the people who are obsessed with claiming everything in the usa is a symptom of russian interference on board with calling it the “russian virus”

write an 800-page intellectual history of rockism in the style of late twentieth century poststructuralist french philosophy

I might read that

a sequel to ‘yesterday’ in which jack shoots to stardom on the wings back catalogue

And then an alternate universe spinoff where he records Shaved Fish and Double Fantasy

A guitar effects pedal - when you push down the switch, the signal from your guitar is cut off and the pedal automatically generates widdly-widdly fills and solos until you release the switch again.

also a Zoom version where you hold down the spacebar and it fills in corporate waffle for you