Real England

I don't mind Greggs for the odd steak bake or tuna sandwich, cheap and shit is how I roll!

beautiful sentiment calz, makes me feel patriotic

The sausage rolls I make were a reductions swoop on sausage meat and puff pastry and cost roughly £1.50 for 12! Look out, Jack Monroe!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ESRzRL5XYAAE-GW?format=jpg&name=large

burnt out stub of a candle symbolises that this knight of the road has been grieving his late princess for a long time.

Brexit #Sevenoaks style pic.twitter.com/0Lzw3IMTeS

— lindenkk (@Linden_Kemkaran) January 31, 2020

for some context it isn't an ironic post, she's a tory and this is all good!

Seven oaks, twenty gammons

lindenkkk

I have been to Sevenoaks once and that checks out

I’m on the floor of a train that’s full of Home Counties types that either look like mike gapes or Tom blenkindip and like 80% of them gave England flags as an item of clothing

Fiver if you shout "come on Tim!"

I’m not that drunk lad

At least three en are wearing no tops and England flags as capes. Fascinatingly there’s a woman with a hirl and helmet in front of me and I want to ask her whee she plays but I also don’t want to out myself in front of someone with a visible poppy tattoo

ahh rugby fans

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/08/burning-calories-pig-starts-farm-fire-by-excreting-pedometer

BBC News website with the wacky comedy headline on the front page as usual: Pedometer-eating pig's poo starts farm blaze

...then they go for the double with the headline on the article page: Bacon saved after pedometer-eating pig's poo starts farm fire

I’ve been repeatedly travelling the length of the country for the past two years and just realised I’ve hundreds of bleak photos from train/bus windows. Thread: pic.twitter.com/vFf4KKCf58

— Darran Anderson (@Oniropolis) January 3, 2020

https://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/webimg/QVNIMTE0MDQ0NDUz.jpg?&width=640

Bridlington's Chapmans Funland has filled mechanical grabber arcade games with toilet rolls after seeing the item fly off the shelves over the public's fears they may need to self-isolate.

One man from Pontefract who did get lucky and bagged himself a toilet roll on the machine, said: "I'm chuffed to bits. It were worth driving 68 miles and spending £30 to win that."

xp the third one, Victoria, is my view at least half the week & that whole run-up is bleak af

The last sentence has finished me pic.twitter.com/q6U1wFNZzS

— Andy Ha (@AndyHa_) March 11, 2020

And a bag of Doritos. Sounds like it was worth getting sent home for!

Never change Rochdale. pic.twitter.com/1IE0YRFcYJ

— Elliot Eastwick (@Faycebuk) March 12, 2020

"scare"!

Oh mate. pic.twitter.com/P4wK1OtcEo

— Angry People in Local Newspapers (@angrypiln) March 14, 2020

Coronavirus: What happened on a day without football?

I'm sure someone who's more familiar with football can make a tres funny joke about how Southampton can't even occupy the centre in a game of Noughts & Crosses where they get to go first.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ES_pzJDWAAAwWjW?format=jpg&name=medium
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ETK9FPeXYAQDcei?format=jpg&name=medium

the local Rector Revd Debbie Nash has decided there won't be any jitterbugs being spread under her watch.

Greengrocer's' apostrophes in full swing, on the other hand

needless ordinal superscript also (worse imo, if not i suppose incorrect)

Rector vs vector

lol, top work

It's a beautiful old building with a medieval section that must be at least 700 years old. Never dared enter it though. It's quite intimidating when it is full of middle aged middle class white folk, who although quite harmless looking have murderous stares of death like something out of Tales of the Unexpected. Rector Revd Debbie always nods or says hello when I pass through with the dog and seems a really wholesomely nice person though. I think she appreciates I don't let him piss on the graves!

Coronavirus: Man proposes in Iceland store
A nurse proposed to his girlfriend in a branch of Iceland after a romantic trip to the country of the same name was cancelled due to the coronavirus.

Ledge

GET IN

This guy was fucking flying round Morrisons like it was Rainbow Road, he nearly ran me over in front of the fish counter, I had to jump out the way and he didn't acknowledge me at all. When he left all he had bought was bottled water and scratchcards. pic.twitter.com/gzshh3hlgK

— Baby Etrigan (@aboynamedposh) March 28, 2020

What’ve I just seen . pic.twitter.com/wZl7xEUBRM

— Owen Hallworth (@HallworthOwen) April 5, 2020

thinking about thos beans!

jesus god

no wonder there were no tins of beans & sausages in Aldi last time i went

Pictured behind the toast: customer's detachable lower jaw.

Brilliant Message from Derbyshire police on Normanton Rd last night that’s the language people speak & understand round here Its a Rap, stay safe & STAY @ HOME, PC Mcginley your an absolute legend 👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/EZ47tzIqps

— Ajit Singh Atwal (@AtwalAjit) April 5, 2020

driven inside by the cringe

i can't click that video it will kill me

just looking at those beans again, there's 8 sausages in a tin so that's more than one tin on the plate, wtf is wrong with people?

bloke just called 5live and genuinely said the army should be on the streets and should shoot people "not kill them, just shoot them in the hand or foot" for a variety of offences incl "disrespecting the Queen", "running around sunbathing" and my favourite, "being outrageous".

— the Devil has many bollocks, my friend (@LeonardEctric1) April 6, 2020

fuck, those are my three favourite things

Bad news for Showbiz Kids

just looking at those beans again, there's 8 sausages in a tin so that's more than one tin on the plate, wtf is wrong with people?

― Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Monday, April 6, 2020 1:50 PM (seven hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I reckon it's two tins with sausages and two without, I take no pleasure in reporting this.

irl lool bg