disproportionate childhood disappointment

love this thread

I remember crying for a long time when I found out shrinking potions weren't real, meaning I would never be able to pilot my Lego spaceships. tbh this is still a little heartbreaking

now and later candies were not, in fact, a candy that got better if you saved them for later despite my stockpiling

omg, hi estela!

children in nz were timidly obsessed with the grim dangers of quicksand which lead to disappointing false reports at picnics, school outings etc

this was for some reason also a thing in my small market town in a very un-quicksand-filled area of the UK - too many wild west cartoons, I guess

also I had a very cartoon-influenced idea of what a "swamp" was - something like a big excitingly dangerous expanse of bright green quicksand which was also full of snakes and alligators and maybe spooky monsters or some singing cartoon frogs or something - and was very disappointed when my dad told me not to go near a "swamp" in Dartmoor which just appeared to be a wet marshy corner of a field

I was similarly obsessed by the Grimpen Mire in Hound of The Baskervilles. Anyone want to start a sludge metal band called Grimpen Mire?

absolutely baffled currently who A in the OP, mother of 7-yr-old fireball M, also in the OP, might have been

(i guess M is now 25, blimey)

when I was in 1st grade we had a band come in to play "Achy Breaky Heart" and I 100% believed it was actually Billy Ray Cyrus

a few years later my Uncle Dan told us a story about how he was actually the "Danny Boy" referenced in the Chumbawumba song, he'd met the lady in an airport and they dated for a few months or whatever. for whatever reason I believed it and told everyone at school. only to realize a couple years later that he was clearly yanking our chains

Anyone want to start a sludge metal band called Grimpen Mire?

sounds cool, I don't play any instruments but should you need a fat middle-aged woman to wander round the stage wearing a spooky hound mask I'm in

god bless dog latin and the sad story of the lenticular spectacles - may ILX live another seventeen years for it to be told again

Sometime when I was 5 or 6, I saw some Yosemite Sam cartoon where an ordinary-looking rock was split open to reveal a gleaming gold nugget. We didn't have a very rocky yard, but there was one about the size of a football out on the patio. I don't know where it came from, but being the only big rock in our yard, I did like it a lot and it often figured in my outdoor playtime. However, once the thoughts of gold got hold of my brain, I was instantly willing to sacrifice it.

I asked my dad if we could break it open and see if there was gold in it. He said that he could, but he cautioned me that there was probably not any gold lurking in the yard rocks outside of our Maryland home. I couldn't wait to maniacally shout "I'm rich! I'm rich!" and proceed immediately to the Toys 'R' Us to complete my Starriors collection or whatever.

Dad grabbed a sledge hammer and some safety glasses and we went out to the patio where he smashed the rock into a million pieces. Of rock.

finding out lemony snicket was actually a man named daniel handler and he was not as slender and mysterious as i had made him up to be in my mind. i wept.

As a child of possibly 6 or 7 years old, at my urgent request I was allowed by my parents to use a hammer, nails, and some mill ends of wood from other projects to 'build something'. Saws or other sharp tools were ruled out. My father first demonstrated how to 'start' a nail with lighter taps, then drive it home with stronger blows. It looked pretty easy.

I rummaged the odds and ends of wood, thinking of what to build and soon conceived of building a replica of a battleship I would the use as a bath toy, having amazing amounts of fun. In my mind's eye it would be a simple design, but of great beauty. Mainly a chunk of 2x4 with a smaller chunk of wood affixed to the top as a conning tower, after which I would elaborate further as time, imagination and other available bits of wood allowed. I figured that was realistic.

It took a lot longer to get the conning tower in place than I bargained for, because I kept bending the nails and having to remove them, or splitting the wood and having to find a replacement. It was annoying and dispiriting, but I adjusted my sights lower and persevered.

At last I managed to get a clumsy, bent-nail-studded 'boat' that I could live with. I was so excited about it that I had to pour a bath right away to watch it float. I was allowed to fill the claw-footed old bathtub full of water, eagerly placed the ship in the water, and it instantly capsized, floating top-down with the 'conning tower' underneath it. I turned it over and let go. Capsized. Turned it over. Capsized.

It's hard to express how disappointing this was, from my inability to pound a nail to my utter failure as a ship designer, from the euphoria of my first conception to the stark reality of an ugly, useless chunk of wood that floated wrong way up. It's been stuck in my brain like a bur for nearly sixty years now.

When I was very small, I remember my dad identifying to me all the types of trees that grew around our house. Poplars, Beech, Maple, Ironwood, but I was most intrigued when he told me some were Fur trees. I accepted that knowledge. Whenever I was outside, my tiny self would peer up at them, they seemed very tall - and I deduced that the fur must only grow up there, at the tippy tops where I couldn’t quite see it (or could I?). This went on probably for at least a year, but then the truth let me down.

two great posts, thank you

Yeah, seconded.

Aimless’s story reminds me of one of mine, but the disappointment might not have been disproportionate so not going to tell it here.

when I was like 7 I thought that color was something that was "invented" in the 1970s, due to the old stuff I'd see on Nick at Nite

for some reason it bummed me out to find out that cameras were just crappy back then

70s polaroid integral cameras were and still are awesome, they create images that seem like paintings to me

^ this. Those of you who grew up in the digital photography era can't imagine how magical it was in the '70s/80s to see a photo you just shot pop out of the camera and slowly develop before your eyes, changing from a grey square to a painting-like photo in about 30 seconds. My uncle had one of the original SX-70 Polaroids and it just looked so elegant, all leather and stainless steel that folded up into something sized like a paperback. One of the coolest gadgets ever.

When I was 11, I was convinced Nike Pump sneakers made you jump higher, and I wanted them so that I could dunk a basketball and then girls would finally like me.

Mom got me "Regulators" instead, and after pumping them up, jumped just as lamely as I did before.

Oh man the conning tower story really gets me

one of my friends growing up ran around the elementary school screaming "THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK ARE COMING" and freaking out. finally, her teacher heard her and asked her politely wtf she was talking about.

friend happily produces a calendar of events that was just passed out to each student and pointed at a date.

teacher takes one look and says "that says KIDS ON THE BLOCK. it's a puppet show".

When I was in preschool, age 3, early in the year I spotted a Planters* pretzel can. I waited and wondered when we were going to eat the pretzels. I thought about them when I was at home because we never had those pretzels. When would the teacher reveal that today was the day we ate the pretzels? Maybe even just one to tempt us and get us psyched for that magical day when we get to eat all those pretzels. I would stare at it regularly and sometimes notice myself in the large mirror that was right by the shelf holding the pretzels.

Late in the year, when I was there waiting for my mom to pick me up long after school was over (she usually picked me up a couple of hours after school was officially over), I was the only kid there and I worked up the courage to ask the woman who was watching me when we would be able to try the pretzels. School was almost over and we hadn't even talked about the pretzels. I thought for sure the day was coming soon.
It was a can of busted crayons. My disappointment lasted years.

* Planters is a brand of snack with a peanut in a top hat as its mascot

Also the mirror was a one-way window where our parents could watch us and I know someone's parents saw me staring at that can longingly.

lol that's so great

Seconded

aw <3