Kids say the darndest things

YES

my daughter (9) is really into Clone Wars on Disney+, I was making dinner and she ran in, saying "daddy, there's a senator who looks like he's wearing a MERINO wool sweater"

Driving through cemetery, my five year old wanted to know the dates on the gravestones. A lot were from the 1800s.

kid: They just keep these dead people buried in here forever?

me: I guess so. What else are they going to do with them?

kid: I don't know. They could dig them up and cut the bodies into pieces and feed them to dogs.

I like the way he thinks :)

CUT MY CORPSE INTO PIECES
THIS IS NOW DOGGIE FOOD

coincidently(?) just posted to a politics thread: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/feb/16/human-composting-could-be-the-future-of-deathcare

Pedigree Chum is made of people!

CUT MY CORPSE INTO PIECES
THIS IS NOW DOGGIE FOOD

Didn't immediately see the song parody in this and instead read it in Tim Robinson's voice, which works just as well

A few weeks ago Casper (2) went through a phase, during nappy changes, of slapping his genitals and yelling “touch it!”. This has now ended, thankfully.

I used to lift my shirt and say “belly” because I wanted my belly rubbed so my parents taught me I could rub my own belly so by analogy uh

Casper’s Prince phase

Do you want to hear my new song? It starts out peaceful but it ends violent.

“We’re playing office fight”

"What do you mean, 'ow'?"

After I explained that Shakespeare’s plays use fancy language and old-fashioned words that people don’t use anymore:

“You mean they call girls, ‘Doll’?”

lol

good one

heh.

"This is one of the many books I'm gonna fill up with my ideas."

One of the many, huh?

"Yes. How do you spell 'idea'?"

haaa

A, 4, about her nearly one year old sister: "Can we die her? Come on do it now! She's a bad baby."

This was largely in jest. Couldn't decide whether or not to tell her "it's 'kill', not 'die'".

is she a bad baby

iyo

This was entirely a case of projection.

I had a “fake-out” one of these last night... after I scooped myself a bowl of ice cream in his presence (maybe a jerk move), and told him, No, you already had a donut today, and also your after-dinner snack, he said:

“Hmm. I can’t really argue with that, but I feel like I should.”

I laughed out loud; then he revealed it’s a line from Bone (a graphic novel he’s read four times). Guess if the kid’s old enough to be quoting things, he’s getting too old to fall into the “darndest things” category.

...and yet:

“AAA Insurance? Is that some kind of battery insurance?”

K (8) has been reading and talking about historical figures a lot, and as a result E (4) now regularly refers to "Susan Big Anthony"

Hahaha

At dinner 3yr 2 mo old Opal said she had a “creepy dream where a white flower with a white jacket walked up to her and pulled stinky cheese out of its pocket and threw it at her”. She reiterated that it was not a nightmare but it was creepy. I’ve never heard her say creepy before. I also don’t totally believe her because we were just talking about stinky cheese so I think she either made up the whole thing or just embellished her dream.

She’s been seriously stalling bedtime for a few months now, either screaming fuss fights or occasionally just silly chatter and questions. Tonight she called me back into her room and said “krystoff (frozen), I have a question. Where do baby bees come from?” I said they come from their mommies and daddies. She said “but where do they come out of?” I said I think bees have eggs. She said “oh. I didn’t know that. Like there are dinosaur eggs and bird eggs and bee eggs. I didn’t know about that.” I said I think so, now get some rest so you’ll be ready for the coronation (frozen again) and she said “Maybe in the morning we can look it up.” I said yes now get some sleep Anna (guess).

My 3yr 2mo old is currently calling avocado “water-cado,” because it’s “aguacate” in Spanish (which her g’ma speaks around the house).

I miss when our daughter loved all things Frozen.

This has been blowing my mind:

“Dad, I made you a Father’s Day card. On the inside I drew you being shocked because the card is so beautiful.”

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/97977426_10163525912230304_3870902707891994624_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=4Phf1GeXHu4AX_EQtTE&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=90871b3cf97a474e8b8758fd0533419e&oe=5EEFDFD5 https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/100821885_10163525912275304_1731597235969327104_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=CjfvNXOyQ-sAX_12JVj&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=7363c35531e7bbdbb4ef9f43448fd4c5&oe=5EEFA619

luv it!

that is A++++

Legendary

haaaa

Yikes!

When is Father's Day?

You have a karate class tomorrow —

“No no no no no, conversation done. End chat, BEEP!”

These Gen Alphas, I swear.

"How big were the first computers? Were they so big that you had to, like, JUMP on the keys to type?"

(I thought this was cute)

at bedtime, the five-year-old was basically like yelling POOP! POOP! so i said, why do you like saying poop so much.
she said, it's a funny word. you know, like six is a funny word.
i said, six is a funny word?
she said, yeah, like that book that [older sibling] has
reader, this is the book she is talking about:
https://microcosmpublishing.com/previews/Sex-is-a-funny-word_lg.jpg

H: If that guy really does dig a big trench for the cable, I'm going to go out there to watch him...

ME: Yeah, I guess that could be interesting?

H: ...since I've got nothing else to watch since we've got no cable right now.

Also I got pwned by the 13-year-old pretty good, so bad that I tweeted it.

She's been on a Star Wars kick, so of course I've been all "Back in my day, there was a wolfman who frequented the cantina! No CGI like in those 2000s movies!"

She got a collectors magazine in the mail the other day.

BEEPS: They even have pictures of toys you told me about from the... 1900s?
ME: The 1970s.
BEEPS: Yeah, that's what I meant.

yesterday my 12 year old son totally seriously mentioned that he saw something old that "probably dates back to the 20th century"

"Daddy, does existence have a meaning?"

ME: You're asking me this at dinnertime on a Wednesday evening?

"Well, I saw it on a TV show..."

My 5yo made his first comic nerd pun/joke:

Him: What does that say on the wall?

Me: "Yankee go home." It means they want the Americans to leave.

Him: If the Thing from the Fantastic Four wrote it, it would say, "Yancey Go Home."

Just heard my 5yo singing 'everything is awesome! everything is falling out of a tree!'
He's only heard it a couple of times...

Legos falling out of a tree would be awesome!

My 5 year old playing with straws and water-squirting toys in the bath: Cmon, stay stable, have some momentum water!
Me: Momentum water?
Him: Momentum water, it’s like energy water.
Me: Yes, I suppose it is.