I hear the LOLs echoing tonight but she hears only ROFLs of some quiet EXCELSIOR

lol

cosign both points

but not necessarily in that order

the universe can't experience itself subjectively in four dimensions unless it creates life, obv - you're doing the machine elves a favour by being conscripted into birth

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:02 AM (eighteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

this is canon

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:02 AM (eighteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

All is headcanon anyway tbh.

― romanesque architect (pomenitul), Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:03 AM (seventeen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

the birth canal is vagcannon iirc

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:04 AM (sixteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

people just act so offended that you don't want to produce a baby that they imagine would be cute with good hair and can do a reasonable amount of math.

― Yerac, Thursday, February 13, 2020 10:47 AM (three minutes ago)

lold irl

yes, vg

triggered tbh

some people love them, some people hate them, but we can all agree on one thing...everybody loves The Beatles

― frogbs, Thursday, February 13, 2020 2:46 PM (sixteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I did lol

not really surprising that a thread consumed with antinatalism would ultimately become about suicide

― Mordy, Thursday, 13 February 2020 22:09 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

I hope all your children disappoint and then reject you ffs

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, 13 February 2020 22:09 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

Next up: the death penalty.

― romanesque architect (pomenitul), Thursday, 13 February 2020 22:10 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

3-for-3 there imo <3 to all

everybody has to report to the cum vat once a year

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, 13 February 2020 22:31 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

and cum in it

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, 13 February 2020 22:31 (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

setting my watch

thx imago proud of my comic timing there despite being incandescent with fury at the time

ur funny even when not pissed off but it may give you an edge, ilx is a great place to get mad iirc

better place to get even imo

best place to get crazy

best place to get lucky, best place to get lucky

Daft Punk Vs. Babies: T/S

basically

Warren endorsing Klobuchar would be idiotic, what would she gain by that?

― Frederik B, Friday, February 14, 2020 8:26 AM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Klout

― bold caucasian eroticism (Simon H.), Friday, February 14, 2020 8:27 AM (one minute ago) bookmarkflaglink

"fell pregnant"

― conrad, Sunday, 16 February 2020 10:41 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Sounds like a calque from the French 'tomber enceinte'.

― romanesque architect (pomenitul), Sunday, 16 February 2020 10:44 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

that annoys the shit out of me too

― conrad, Sunday, 16 February 2020 11:14 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

You fall pregnant like you fall ill. One for the babby thread?

― romanesque architect (pomenitul), Sunday, 16 February 2020 11:19 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

pleasing echoes of plump, ripe babbies dropping to the floor like apples in autumn

― babby bitter (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 16 February 2020 11:25 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

LET THE BABBIES HIT THE FLOOR

― romanesque architect (pomenitul), Sunday, 16 February 2020 11:33 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

lol was just about to

Channelling my inner Neanderthal.

:D

Doff cap

i saw a screenshot of him standing next to wolfman or something, in that debate.
his healthcare plan was perfect
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, February 18, 2020 11:20 AM

DJP I see you have typed both the words "Pete" and "Buttigieg" today and thank you for your endorsement

― mh, Wednesday, February 19, 2020 10:31 AM

hahaha

Scary Pockets
is creating funk!

https://www.patreon.com/scarypockets

for $60 a year you get to join their message board

for $120 a year you get to remix them

for $420 a year you get two tickets to a gig, and a trading card of a band member every month

― Fantastic. Great move. Well done (sic), Wednesday, February 19, 2020 4:09 PM bookmarkflaglink

how much to murder them

― lag∞n, Wednesday, February 19, 2020 4:10 PM bookmarkflaglink

You forgot to mention that the $420 Ultimate SP Experience also gets your name in the credits of their weekly videos, PLUS the chance to remix them, PLUS message board membership! Murdering them costs 20-to-life but is probably a bargain.

― the british empire's coming back, back back! (j/k) (Matt #2), Wednesday, February 19, 2020 4:13 PM bookmarkflaglink

hmm

― lag∞n, Wednesday, February 19, 2020 4:14 PM bookmarkflaglink

vg+

and then in 2022 we're getting a supermajority and splitting california into 7 states

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Sunday, February 23, 2020 3:38 AM (fourteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

what's that, you're confused about there being a north dakota and a south dakota? good news, we're merging them into one state called sorth dakota

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Sunday, February 23, 2020 3:41 AM (fourteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

west virginia abolished altogether. individual counties have a year to either become freeholds and establish bespoke trading terms with each other, neighbouring states, and the post-Brexit UK, or to join a new supervirginia called Best Virginia. D.C. gets statehood and ex-west-virginia's old star on the flag, and is renamed Inner Virginia. DC Comics is likewise renamed, for the sake of avoiding and/or creating confusion.

― Fantastic. Great move. Well done (sic), Sunday, February 23, 2020 5:58 AM (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Last night:

Me: Got any homework?

Anna: Nah.

Me: Whatcha gonna do?

Anna: Have a map I’m working on.

Just found this on her desk. pic.twitter.com/9uulpX1Pve

— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 12, 2020

if we somehow survive the next ten years, imagine what candidates w/ typical lifelong internet histories will face

― brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, February 25, 2020 12:09 PM bookmarkflaglink

"you did WHAT on a white couch??"

― bold caucasian eroticism (Simon H.), Tuesday, February 25, 2020 12:11 PM bookmarkflaglink

Truckerhatgate

xpost lollll

At work, we have hand sanitizer dispensers on the walls, so I tend to use those instead of washing my hands after a pee, IF nobody is around. If someone else is in the bathroom I do a cursory hand wash, and then use the purell anyway. Do you know why? Touching my genitalia isn’t the dirty part. It’s touching the door handle

― El Tomboto, Tuesday, February 25, 2020 4:29 PM bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I pull the door open with my genitalia to avoid getting my hands germy

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Tuesday, February 25, 2020 4:33 PM bookmarkflaglink

i know i flush the toilet with my vagina ... dunno why people use their feet

"you did WHAT in front of a baby??"

Coming in here to seek respite from centrist hell at the debate.

― never have i been a blue calm sea (collardio gelatinous)

Centrist hell is other people

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby)

Biden and Nothingness

― never have i been a blue calm sea (collardio gelatinous)

nice

eliminating all cinema before 1960 or 1970 seems to be a thing; not cool, if it mattered

― brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Thursday, February 27, 2020 6:59 AM (six hours ago)

Whatever, my real list is above, starting with Bad Timing and ending with Domestic Violence.

― flappy bird, Thursday, February 27, 2020 12:35 PM (one hour ago)

they say he lived as he listed

― strangely hookworm but they manage ream shoegaze poetry (imago), Thursday, February 27, 2020 12:38 PM (one hour ago)

iirc you "pay your dues" by doing your politicking in dive bars, then in dinky clubs, then touring regionally in spightly better clubs. Then you ink a deal with a major political party. Suddenly you're voting in stadiums and traveling in a tour bus with your logo on the side. Then you have a nightmare descent into drugs and groupies. Then rehab, a return to form, and a comeback tour. That's paying your dues.

Only after you have done so may you properly sing the blues.

― Boot edge edgelord (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, February 27, 2020 5:53 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

....turn the page

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, February 27, 2020 5:55 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

In August 2000, Yahoo Serious tried to sue the search engine Yahoo! for trademark infringement. The case was thrown out because Serious could not prove that he sells products or services under the name "Yahoo" and therefore could not prove that he suffered harm or confusion due to the search engine.

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, February 29, 2020 10:19 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

His brother Google Serious was similarly unsuccessful with his lawsuit

― Ok bloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, February 29, 2020 11:39 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

We have a friend who told us *her* friend in Palo Alto just had to cancel dinner with friends because someone in that other family tested positive.

― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 29 February 2020 21:43 (thirteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

tough break for Kevin Bacon

― But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Saturday, 29 February 2020 21:49 (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

those are both like the best type of dad joke

those fucking river cruise ads are awful - 'come and see some of the world's most beautiful vistas on a floating disease vector with a catastrophic carbon footbprint, surrounded by awful cunts just like you'

― Generous Grant for Stepladder Creamery (bizarro gazzara), Monday, March 2, 2020 11:26 AM (twelve minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

i kinda fancy one of those holidays

― Dunty Reggae party 🎉 (Noodle Vague), Monday, March 2, 2020 11:28 AM (ten minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm not "listening" to them, I happened to be channel surfing. Nothing will ever "normalize" the Trump administration.

― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:23 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

You still have channels?

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:29 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

Cold lookin' for that hero

― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 2 March 2020 23:33 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

some editing for maximum lol effect:

How does one disinfect a shaggy dog? I honestly have no idea how to keep Teufel virally clean.
We have no yard, and he must pee. I worry more about him, and what happens with him if I get sick, than I do my 70+ yo parents.

― Save us, Covid19 (Sanpaku)

We have no yard, and he must pee

Man Ellison just isn't trying anymore.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce)

Funnier if he hasn't been dead for several years. Maybe "Rejected Ellison book titles."

dang she should've brought you in for punch-up