ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

hey I thought having expensive taste makes you a Classy Lady

I was sort of proud of it too, and it was super cute the way they, and especially E (who's 4.5) was asking for samples of washed rind cheeses and fancy cured meats and giving her reviews of them.

Anyway, I have a feeling this is the tip of an iceberg for me and I may start to become aware of other situations in which I do/have done this.

Kids really do teach you a lot, it's not just a platitude!

Anyone have advice about handling the imminent demise of a well-loved family dog?

Turns out our 11 year old dog wasn't pissing blood due to a UTI but due to a massive cancerous tumor in her bladder. She qualified for a university vet school study (which is amazing and will save us thousands of dollars) so we find out today what type it is - meaning she's got anywhere from a few weeks to maybe 9 months, tops.

Of course the 5 year old who was indifferent to her for the first four years of his life has bonded with her recently, and a close friend died of cancer last month so he has a sense of what's coming and seems to be handling it fairly well - better than his mother and I are.

At some point her quality of life is going to go to shit and we'll have to have her put to sleep, and I'm not sure how to handle that. We haven't looked into it yet but ideally we'll have someone come to our place to euthanize her rather than dragging her, terrified, to a clinic. Is it better for him to be a part of witnessing that, or for this to happen while he's at school? If we don't want him there for the end, should it be something he's aware of that morning before it happens, or should we tell him after the fact that she's gone? I have no idea what the best option is here as I've never dealt with this myself before and don't even know how I'll handle it.

I feel like I have put so many animals to sleep in the past few years. Jesus. In our case, I have taken the animals while the kids were at school. Putting an animal down is very sad and emotional. In all of our cases, we told the kids what was happening well ahead of time, but took care of things during the day while they were at school. There was one big group bawling session that we had over one of the pets when they found out it was time to go. In other cases, while it was still sad, not as much crying. I definitely shed tears every time at the vets though. Afterward, I brought the animals home and we all laid them to rest in the garden. Sorry you have to go through this.

See also: RFI: euthanizing a pet

my family had a dog euthanized when i was around that age. she had been hit by a car before i went to school in the morning. she had to be put down during the day and i did not see it. i don't see any benefit to a kid that age witnessing it. of course i knew about death but i remember blaming the vet for "killing" the dog, which i probably wouldn't have said if this was a planned event, but reflected my level of understanding. you should prepare him before it happens and let him say goodbye while the dog is alive. does he know the dog is sick? i know i was only 5-6 but i remember this vividly. i didn't know this process existed before it happened and that was what was most confusing.

We had to euthanize our dog last summer due to advanced lymphoma :( my kid was a few months shy of 5 and was a bit confused by it but understood that the dog was too sick and old to live much longer (we didn’t talk about him being in pain though, which is upsetting even to me thinking back on it.) We did take him to the vet with us for it, partly because the vet is in our neighbourhood and familiar and because we were prepared for it to happen and had talked with him about it already, it wasn’t a sudden decision (which I’ve also faced with a pet and that is sad and awful in a somewhat different way that I don’t think I’d want my kid present for tbh.) My kid still talks about missing our dog and wants to look at pictures but he only talked about that moment at the vet for about 3 days, and even then it was mostly questions that we answered by reiterating why our dog was dying. He asked a lot about why the dog had to die. I also never broached there topic of euthanasia or the vet “helping” him die or anything like that - too complicated for a 4 year old and he didn’t ask about that, so... I don’t know, for us being there together and being sad together in that moment was important, and our dog’s death wasn’t a mystery to our kid because of that.

Do it at home (for the dog)
Take the kid out of the room (for the kid)

Number 2 born last night. Everyone healthy and a much easier delivery than number 1. No visitors allowed at the hospital though. Weird times.

How’s everyone holding up? I’m basically assuming schools will not be open next week where I am (California).

Congratulations!

Congratulations! Weird times indeed.

our schools are open - my wife is convinced they will close next week (the week before spring break) but we'll see. SFUSD declared the schools a critical service the other day and frankly I agree with them, esp in a school like ours that provides food and shelter and a safe environment for like 12 hrs a day for the children of working families.

also congrats caek!!

congrats!

my 2 year old goes to "classes" at the local ymca 5 days a week, it's like her favorite shit and i am concerned everyone might go insane if we pull her out. i don't think they'll cancel anything on their end until NYC DOE pulls the plug. idk what the right call is.

my wife was all "what are we going to do, the kids will freak out if we have to stay inside for two weeks" and I was like what? we can still go outside, there's tons of parks and shit right at our fingertips and none of that involves being in a crowd in an enclosed space.

congrats caek, ime #2 is exponentially more difficult than #1, but eventually it gets much awesomer than just 1.

schools here still open but I expect closures next week.

Hooray for mini-caeks

Congrats Caek!

Congrats! My wife is also pretty sure they will cancel school next week in SF.

is this the help my kids are now home from school for the next two weeks and possibly longer how do i stay sane thread

'caek caek caek caek'

- Rihanna

School’s out here until further notice but I don’t have little kids anymore so I just need youtube to stay up and we’ll stay sane

yay caek!

congrats!

I'm inexplicably sad about schools being closed in the UK as of end of this week. My kid isn't even in a critical year for learning (he's 5). He just loves school and I feel guilty he's missing out. Also he'll pick up on my very weird anxiety and desire for normality at home.

Yes, we got the class photos through this week, and it's really sad looking at the Year 1 pals and realising it'll be Year 2 before they see each other again.

I worry about the isolation of the solo kids (like ours) too. Hanging about with your peers is important, especially at this very physical stage - and being in for months with just your parents for company wouldn't be fun for anyone.

We are going to set up Skype playdates but it's hardly the same. Keeping him socialised is one of the things I'm thinking about most rn. Depends on what the lockdown rules turn out to be, I guess.

Congrats caek!

Do you really reckon this will last til September? I find it impossible to think beyond the next couple of weeks.

I definitely think it will last until the end of this term, and even if they get the outbreak under control I'm not sure they'd want to risk opening schools again during summer, just in case.

Better not to imo

My wife and I incredibly lucky that we can wfh and don't have to worry about our jobs (yet) but we've barely made it through the last couple of days as a family without strangling each other

I meant better not to think beyond the next couple of weeks.. (or next couple of hours tbh)

Am I being incredibly naive to think that testing could - at least theoretically - be brought in at a level that might make a difference and inform the reduction of risk?
Also - when did school terms get so short! They lasted forever when I was a kid, all this was bluebells etc

My son started making a register yesterday for 'school at home'. he said he was going to make his friends out of paper. think we'll all be doing that at some stage

:o

Our kid was sick for our university spring break and home from preschool for a whole week - then went back for five days and now is home indefinitely. So he's home, solo, with two parents working from home on alternating days and is already getting twitchy from no contact with his school friends. It's going to really suck in a week.

On the plus side I've been teaching him to ride a bike and he's almost got it...

Hoping for some nicer weather in the coming weeks so I'll be able to take mine out for walks.

My 11 yo daughter has started coming on runs with me which is great (and has already beaten her mum's 5K PB)

xp I'm hoping mine will learn to ride his bike too during all this

Reflexively drawing up an agenda for each day, charted out, as if it'll make a fucking lick of difference

Nah sounds good. At least you'll have a starting point.

Day 5: online clarinet lessons are from noon to two, then it's yogurt break

Day 35: Jesus, kid, just go watch some fucking YouTube

our kids definitely benefit from structure, knowing what's going to happen from one day to the next. the parents who are more free-ranging their kids right now are driving my wife crazy with all their cutesy stupid recommendations

There is a limit to how many cutesy stupid shit you can do and not have it feel utterly hollow and perfunctory. A limit to how many pillow forts, dixie-cup pyramids, and sugar-cube castles one can build.

Today we have already taken a nature walk, made blueberry muffins, cleaned out a closet, and did a half-hour of watercolor painting. It's still only two fucking twenty pee em.

We were free-wheeling yesterday and it sucked. Today we have a schedule and it is a million times more calm.

for us continued schooling has been great. it gives the girls direction throughout the day, they conference in with various teachers at different times, there are tons of math sheets we've been able to give them, and giving them lots of reading time, and the teachers assign work through seesaw that they can do and send back for review and discussion. and then before this we had no screen rules during the week that we've totally relaxed so that when they're not doing schoolwork they can play video games, watch movies whatever. it has been a week from today that we started isolation (and monday when distance education started). idk how it will feel 5-22 weeks from now but so far we've been able to make it work

yeah it's working ok for us - we have some structured school-type stuff (math, reading/writing, science), recess (exercising outside), they take an "art walk" around the neighborhood in the morning, they get a little screen time/free time. Oldest daughter has gotten on a weekly video-conferenced D&D game with a couple of her friends, which is great (the local gamestore has set up a network of dungeon masters from their weekly gaming sessions).

Hardest thing is going to be managed the 2yo as well I think

*managing

Just occurred to me today that the 2yo hadn't been out of our house (and garden) for a full week. Took them for a walk down a country lane and saw animals plus tractors, so that's good.

We started potty training a few days ago. Thought today we were finally making progress until I looked over to him on (a towel on) the sofa, half asleep with an absolutely massive shit next to him.

Definitely his? Home isolation does funny things to people.