Best feature of Highlights (For Children)

goofus fucks. 100%

Would vote for goofus and gallant as most horrifying, even as a kid they gave me the creeps & I avoided them. Now as an adult I run with the scissors pointing up, eat candy all day and never learned how to subtract. No regrets.

we would read Highlights at the salon where an old polish lady would perm my mom's hair for what felt like an eternity. Almost every wall in that place was lined with perm chairs that you could pull over your head as a decent astronaut's helmet. But eventually, to really burn the mintues away, you'd resort to waiting room Highlights. You did the hard perm time with Hidden Pictures. Your heart sank if you turned to the HP page and found the items already circled by some negligent parent's child.

fuck you Gallant, you presumptuous cunt. my mother had to leave work early to drop me off for this movie!

https://i.ibb.co/JsZk5gR/10458350-10152238502862981-1934966685442222079-n.jpg
3d virtual dice roller for classroom

always suspected that Goofus was less an asshole, and more "that powder mommy put in her drink each morning when she was pregnant was very much not Emergen-C"

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Goofus can read these Nikes

https://i.imgur.com/75jmOoZ.jpg