shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

https://preview.redd.it/uzpb2xho16231.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=e26812c9bd3990e62eb0a0635f266692bd3bc573

NASA FIXES MARS LANDER BY TELLING IT TO HIT ITSELF WITH A SHOVEL
https://futurism.com/the-byte/nasa-mars-lander-hit-itself-shovel

Lol literally the most Jared Leto thing ever: ‪https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/jared-leto-emerges-12-day-meditation-retreat-find-mind-blowing-coronavirus-pandemic-1285065‬

That’s kind of an ethical dilemma for the meditation guide leader! Do you break the silence, several days in, to let the participants know?

(imo YES of course you do)

Was it Big Brother in Germany that didn't tell them? Is that still the case? They may be the safest people on the planet.

they told them

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2020/03/17/arts/17virus-bigbrother1/17virus-bigbrother1-jumbo.jpg

Ha I remember USA Big Brother when 9/11 happened

I think they only decided to tell them because one of contestants relatives died

Astrophysicist gets magnets stuck up nose while inventing coronavirus device https://t.co/wNZ8bWV3hA

— Guardian Australia (@GuardianAus) March 30, 2020

lol even that picture looks like an Onion stock photo

https://i.imgur.com/3fclv8u.jpg

https://ny.eater.com/2020/3/31/21200948/ardyn-doomsday-dinner-party-coronavirus-nyc

Ardyn’s menu of Japanese hamachi, wagyu ribeye steak, and heritage chicken for $150 to $165 per person with a minimum four-person order, delivered to diners while wearing bunny masks.The catch: Customers must then finishing cooking — and assemble, however artfully they can — the meals themselves in their own homes.

sure

Purge, party of four.

ITT shit that looks like an Onion article and really is:

https://local.theonion.com/man-just-buying-one-of-every-cleaning-product-in-case-t-1842493766

haha!

https://variety.com/2020/film/news/tom-hanks-coronavirus-blood-research-vaccine-1234589978/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJMEPHNjHE0

in other news, the world's last surviving "inside edition" tv show is surviving covid-19! we'll show you how, on tonight's "inside edition"

"the owner may have some tips to help other businesses"
um, suuuuuurrrre.

peep that text mode UI tho

Axl Rose and U.S. Treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin feud on Twitter

Matt Lauer: Why Ronan Farrow Is Indeed Too Good to Be True (Opinion) https://t.co/j3Hzdnhz1v

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) May 19, 2020

mmmm nah

https://pitchfork.com/news/jay-z-puts-a-fiona-apple-song-on-new-playlist/

https://www.pedestrian.tv/tech-gaming/security-robot-given-the-gift-of-intelligence-chooses-to-drown-itself/

Marvin, is that you?

https://pagesix.com/2020/04/24/eminem-donates-moms-spaghetti-to-detroit-hospital-workers

David Lynch ends daily weather report by recalling dream about being a dying German soldier on D-Day
https://news.avclub.com/david-lynch-ends-daily-weather-report-by-recalling-drea-1843952285

JK Rowling recalls 'amazing' moment she met her idol Morrissey

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/nov/27/jk-rowling-moment-met-morrissey-harry-potter-interview-robert-galbraith?CMP=share_btn_fb

music? she just liked his ideas on social values

I wish both she and her work would vanish altogether.

From the Washington Post:

https://i.imgur.com/wx3B8GL.png

tbf she's basically the onion

Alexandra Petri mostly does satire, it’s basically an onion article

https://www.metrotimes.com/city-slang/archives/2020/06/10/michigan-man-goes-viral-after-telling-rage-against-the-machines-tom-morello-he-used-to-be-a-fan-until-he-realized-the-band-was-political

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2020/06/my-little-pony-nazi-4chan-black-lives-matter/613348/

BREAKING: Devin Nunes can’t sue Twitter over statements by fake cow, judge rules https://t.co/JtMpP6NfKs

— Kate Irby (@kateirby) June 24, 2020

"Teens in quarantine are roleplaying as 'Karens' on Instagram, making fake personas dedicated to loving wine and supporting Trump"
https://www.insider.com/karen-fake-instagram-accounts-teens-quarantine-roleplaying-tiktok-2020-6

Lol I have a 45 year old stay at home mom friend who made up a fake FB account (that uses “Karen” as part of the personas surname) to infiltrate and troll a bunch of “all lives matter” fuckos

aces, can I back her patreon

A Teenager Didn’t Do Her Online Schoolwork. So a Judge Sent Her to Juvenile Detention.

this story is so heartbreaking.

And utterly infuriating. Reading this after Trump's 'more white people are killed' spiel yesterday is just too much.

It's heartbreaking and just batshit insane. Fucking America.

is there a thread for realizing, in middle age, that significant portions of your life strongly resemble an onion article

depression thread is on 77 i think

Trump’s New COVID Doctor Says Sex with Demons Makes You Sick https://t.co/NCNiIZ5SYq

— Noah Shachtman (@NoahShachtman) July 28, 2020

that's ridiculous. none of the demons i've slept with have made me sick. in fact i think we all felt more energized

they are good for stock tips too

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-race-chevron-idUSKCN24P1Y7

Chevron diversity ratio to improve as layoffs progress