Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

Our second least promising S/R/F flick of 2019 is a Best Picture nominee.

Universal release schedule for the first half of 2020 is just really fuckin funny to me. pic.twitter.com/qJRhADXR3J

— 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕲𝖊𝖙 𝕸𝖊, 𝕮𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘 (@NickPinkerton) January 14, 2020

I wish it was actually called Ninth Chapter in Fast & Furious Saga, just like that

Oof. That shit is like the movie studio equivalent of drunkenly flipping through yr high school year book and weeping copiously over all your unrequited crushes.

Gotta check out all the new chapters

Isn't it generally true that sequels make less money than earlier installments? Isn't a slate comprised of nothing but basically just courting likely failure?

Let's see, choosing something with a built in audience that will provide a more predictable return than starting fresh with a new idea.

Sequels are cinematic money market funds

Haha, looks like the Dolittle embargo just lifted.

I want a separate review for that awful bloated "What a Wonderful World" cover

Once the film wears out jokes with dog Jip (voiced by Tom Holland), discussing butts and scooting on the floor, you’d think the film would’ve reached its capacity. But no, there’s still more in store, as the film stoops to include a disgruntled tiger (Ralph Fiennes) getting kicked in the crotch and a dragon (Frances de la Tour) getting an enema.

sounds like a winner

Proctologist Dolittle

The question remains: why, Robert? Why?

OL, I believe that was true once upon a time, but hasn't been the case for a while -- maybe since the home video era made it easier for people who didn't catch the first one theatrically to catch up? not sure. But if you look at year by year lists of the top 20 box office performers, it's gonna be sequels and remakes and franchise flicks out the wazoo.

I'm already eagerly anticipating 2Little

I mean there's definitely some blockbuster franchises that are consistently big business. I just want so badly to live in a world where the 18th movie featuring the Minions is an obvious act of suicidal desperation rather than a surefire jackpot.

on the bright side, a dragon farts in Downey's face

https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review-dolittle-like-its-animals-is-flashy-but-dead-behind-the-eyes/

A Thing Made Animate through the Use of Computers 4: Ring-a-Ding-Ding broke box office records this weekend, as audiences were once again spellbound by a screen full of screaming and shitting things screamed and shat throughout the uncanny valley for 75 minutes until the film abruptly cut to credits and a brand new Kelly Clarkson song vaguely related to things that have been animated.

I know everyone hates South Park now but I can't help keep thinking of the "Duck President" bit when I see new trailers for awful kids' films.

The amount of care I put into constructing that POS sentence is roughly equivalent to what you can expect from the stewards of A Thing 4.

Duck President and the related trailers are super otm. 'Or a dog. Whatever. Fuck you!'

I wish any of these would be 75 minutes

Why are there dragons in Dr. Dolittle?

Dr. Dolittle! He talks to the animals! And dragons, for some reason? Why are there dragons? Fuck you, that's why!

There better be at least one animal/dragon doing this dance in the movie or I'm asking for my goddamn money back, goddamn it

https://media1.tenor.com/images/2da1ba1038792dc4771df86ec65442ad/tenor.gif

on the bright side, a dragon farts in Downey's face

before, after, or during the enema? actually nevermind I don't want to spoil the experience

Hollywood studios tend to wait until January to release their worst stinkers, when people are a bit desperate to get out of the house and lower their standards on what movies they'll pay to see.

Oh! Hi there, Dolittle! I didn't see you. How's it going?

btw, a duck would make a really lame president.

we regret to inform you president duck is racist

lol

I was trying to remember where I knew Stephen Gaghan's name from, then I remembered he directed Syriana and wrote Traffic.

where's Traffic 2?

Following the trajectory of the Speed series, Traffic 2: Jammed will be slow crawling into theaters this fall.

I think you mean 2RAFFIC: JAMM'D

would make sense if the movie was actually about driving

2raffic Gump

xpost It's about drug traffic via mules, do u see. JAMMED.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Who ya gonna call

mainstream american movies had a good run. but now it's gone the way of top 40 radio.

Movies are in the gutter

My reflexive vote for bond could maybe have been better used but i) bond is shit ii) it can count as a vote for the bourne tv show also

The Bourne tv show was (quelle surprise!) kinda shit.

Oh it already came out? I just saw an ad for it and thought it was upcoming

Yeah, the first season has already aired in the US. It's an incredible use of your time, really something to look forward to.

Adverts for Bad Boys For Life everywhere today including the side of the bus, I hated Bad Boys II so much that I had to cancel a night out, still consider it the worst film ever made, on a moral level as much as anything else, wish I could skip forward a month so I didn't have to hear about it.

i love how many movies got one vote. voted bobs burgers bc thousands and thousands upon minutes of it already exist, why do we need 85 more

hadn't realized nu-Bad Boys isn't even directed by Michael Bay, which renders it even more pointless.

i just realized that too!

just chortled at the concept of old bastards being "boys" when I saw on the side of a bus.

For this Martin Lawrence comes out of retirement? He couldn't have just stuck with his A+ appearance in The Beach Bum?