Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

Yes, like what Lynch would probably do if given a job directing, I dunno, the next Jack Reacher.

'Wait, was that Tom Cruise who just rappelled from the top of a football stadium in the background of that shot where a bald Laura Dern hatched from a glowing egg?'

From the OPs wiki list, I'm vaguely interested in The Turning, First Cow, Saint Maud, The Woman in the Window, Tenet, Last Night in Soho, Deep Water, and Dune. Pleased to see Ana de Armas and Anya Taylor-Joy are keeping busy (3+ films each), though I'll take a hard pass on most of their roles. A24 please save us.

With so many tedious options, hard to choose which will be worst. I'll give it to Mulan, as Disney live-action remakes are among the most dispiriting things about the modern studio era.

Which reminds me of something that's missing from the list: Jungle Cruise! Just when we thought the era of Disney turning their theme park rides into movies was over. Can't wait for Carousel of Progress!

Well, I guess it doesn't technically fit the thread purview, but you better believe I'll pitch a fit if Jungle Cruise 4: Jungle in the Bunghole is omitted from the 2029 poll.

I always wanted to see a movie from the POV of the guy who owns the fruit stand that gets wrecked in the big car chase. Just a regular day at work interrupted by a moment of inexplicable chaos, then having to clean it all up, not knowing what the hell just happened.

Ronin are Fuckin Cunts (2023). I'd see it.
https://youtu.be/mvMVfICBC-U?t=199

Sean Bean's labour of love

lolling at Jungle In The Bunghole tbh

Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:

The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works;

Fast Ten: Zip Fastener

He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.

Mission Impossibles aren't things that McQuarrie wants to make, and he's already making a third & fourth back to back, so a second-and-a-halfth wouldn't really be necessary. He just can't get any of his own projects funded, and decided to stop doing studio rewrite jobs in 2005, approx. nine seconds before his first meeting with Cruise. He's said every time he finishes a $300-750million-making movie for a studio he pitches his own scripts, gets turned down, and says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well. Whatever Maverick is (idk) is obviously what Cruise wanted to do with it, not something Cruise has been tricked into.

Maverick is about how Scientology can help the Navy

Go faster. Aim higher. Get clear.

Just for the record, McQuarrie is credited as a writer on Top Gun 2: Another Gun That's On Top of the Gun That Was Formerly On Top

says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well

He's a producer on it, too.

I'm sure most of these will be bad but this was a surprisingly easy vote for "Bad Boys For Life" to me.

^ turns out this is not by Bay by the way

Mulan, between the director of Whale Rider and the trailer's indications that it will not be a musical with a wisecracking dragon sidekick, has a good chance of being the best movie on this list! be a bummer if it is indeed really good but nobody goes because of their experience of these other disney remakes. less of a bummer if that brings an end to that project, but c'mon, that's not gonna happen til they run out of viable properties for it (which might actually happen soon enough).

recently rewatched the original Freaky Friday and THAT is something that should basically be remade for every generation of teenagers: great premise, but no particular incidents or characters or songs that you'd "have" to include and inevitably ruin.

tempted to vote for New Mutants out of tradition but there's a lot of dreck here. Ghostbusters looks particularly awful but it's at the disadvantage of its unappealing trailer already being out. i gotta think about this one.

How many more of these remakes are they going to make? Hercules I guess, Pocahontas too.

Next up apparently are Peter Pan, The Sword in the Stone, Pinocchio and The Little Mermaid as well as some live action spin offs like Cruella, Tink and Rose Red

i doubt very much they'll do Pocahontas. somebody (Lindsay Ellis maybe?) made the case that Moana let them stealth-remake everything you'd really want to remake about that story, and flip the script on all the really uncomfortable historical overtones... makes sense to me.

Knew about The Little Mermaid, suspected Pinocchio was coming, though it's kinda funny that there's two or three other Pinocchio projects underway iirc. Peter Pan of course! The last one did so well. The Sword in the Stone sounds horrible...

http://www.killermovies.com/images/movies/Pinocchio_screenshot_001.jpg

The Little Mermaid may wind up being the final nail in this particular coffin (for dumb and sad and racist reasons).

where are my fellow Croodheads

― frogbs, Monday, 6 January 2020 18:26 (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

the first one is not good but it has some surprisingly trippy visuals

Those 'visuals' were actually just a trick of the senses as portions of your brain were being destroyed from exposure to The Croods.

The only live action Little Mermaid anyone needs is The Lure.

Pinocchio will be played by Justin Bieber

"Yesterday 2 - Yesterday's Papers..."

About a young singer/songwriter who wakes up and realizes nobody knows the Eagles's music...and lives the rest of his life happy that the Eagles no longer exist

Mulan at least has the promise of nice costumes. Some of these films cant even muster that much promise.

Has anyone seen the 2009 Mulan? Looks like a boring epic but would be interested to hear any experiences.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eQBl3_6FKA&feature=emb_title

hmmm, dud link but that should be the teaser trailer for MORBIUS (2020)

Apparently Sony has decided to start making their unnecessary Spidey-adjacent projects more MCU-adjacent, so Keaton's Vulture is in this thing.

Why u do this to me, Sony.

this looks great, can't wait to torrent it

What If? the first shot of Blade remake is Mahershala burying a stake in Leto's chest? Like over and over for twenty minutes?

Brahms: The Boy II

^^
who gives a fugue?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

voted Dolittle, respect to Hugh Lofting

saw the peter rabbit 2 trailer in front of little women -- wtf, sony

Can I just say I much more enjoy this stage of proceedings than the bit where, later in the year, half these films get their own threads and people start to unnaccountably say positive things about them?

a quick squiz at last year's list and it seems this only (mainly?) happened with Marvel flicks and the Star War

Yeah, I'm gonna be real surprised if more than like 3% of these things get the ILX 'I somehow refrained from scooping out my eyes!' seal of approval.

Our second least promising S/R/F flick of 2019 is a Best Picture nominee.

Universal release schedule for the first half of 2020 is just really fuckin funny to me. pic.twitter.com/qJRhADXR3J

— 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕲𝖊𝖙 𝕸𝖊, 𝕮𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘 (@NickPinkerton) January 14, 2020

I wish it was actually called Ninth Chapter in Fast & Furious Saga, just like that

Oof. That shit is like the movie studio equivalent of drunkenly flipping through yr high school year book and weeping copiously over all your unrequited crushes.

Gotta check out all the new chapters

Isn't it generally true that sequels make less money than earlier installments? Isn't a slate comprised of nothing but basically just courting likely failure?

Let's see, choosing something with a built in audience that will provide a more predictable return than starting fresh with a new idea.

Sequels are cinematic money market funds

Haha, looks like the Dolittle embargo just lifted.