Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

Such a depressingly dire pile of cinematic barf.

pls how do i vote for this?

Cinematic Barf 3 was the superior sequel

The new New Mutants trailer looks dope even though Roberto should be darker and Cecilia Reyes should be darker and not evil

I'd like New Mutants to be good as some of the casting is amazingly on-point but I don't have any reason to think it will be good.

I watched both Airplane! and Bill and Ted EA with my elementary-school + middle-school kids and they both died laughing. The jokes still hit (well, in Airplane! there are a lot of parodies of 70s stuff which are meaningless to kids but there are SO MANY jokes that the density of ones that hit still exceeds that of most contemporary comedies.)

I love the idea of revisiting Fantasy Island as horror and hope they do something interesting with it.

The trailer for the new Top Gun was so dire it made me wonder retrospectively whether it was a mistake to think of Tom Cruise as an actor who could carry an action movie.

He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.

There could be an entire season of On Cinema at the Cinema based on just this list. I can already hear Gregg Turkington lamenting the lack of Jack Nicholson in Impractical Jokers: The Movie.

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard asks the question, 'Did you like The Hitman's Wife? Did you like The Bodyguard? Well, how about both of those worlds, on screen together.' And it really is the best of both worlds, although sadly they weren't able to get Whitney Houston to return to her role. This is the kind of cinematic mash-up I hope we see more of from Hollywood, and something film buffs have been clamoring for. Like many other Hobbit-heads, I know I'd like to see as many films as possible featuring my hero, Bilbo Baggins. So that's why I've started a petition for a crossover which is a remake of the first Christian Bale Batman movie, but better because it takes place in Middle Earth. Please go to the VFA website and add your signature to the growing list of people demanding Batman Baggins.

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard is actually set in the same cinematic universe as The Wife, not to be a pedant about it

xp I give your post five bags of popcorn and a Whitney Houston cassette single.

The Hitman, The Thief, His Wife & Her Bodyguard

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/57/Hitman2_large.jpg/220px-Hitman2_large.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/65/Thief_1981.jpg
http://www.impawards.com/2018/posters/wife_ver6.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8f/The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg/220px-The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg

But which one of them eats a dead man's penis at the end, is the real question

where are my fellow Croodheads

thats my pick for oscar

As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title. Why settle for A Quiet Place: Part II when you could go with A Quiet Place: Listen Harder or Sequels are Golden? Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:

The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works; Hobbs & Shaw looks destined for sequels; an animated series is coming to Netflix; and Diesel previously revealed that a female spin-off is being planned. And for all those Ludacris and Tyrese fans, Morgan tells EW that they have a “fun idea” for a Tej and Roman spin-off.

As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title.

You are gonna love next year's "Do a Little More"

Peter Rabbit 2: You Fucking Deserve This

How Peter got his powers

Poochie-fying Beatrix Potter is such a truly hateful endeavor. That honestly might get my vote.

I just assume, based on the soiled fruits of their labors, that many of the people producing entertainment for children are among the biggest misanthropes walking the earth.

https://www.biography.com/.image/t_share/MTE5NDg0MDU1MTUzNTA5OTAz/mark-twain-9512564-1-402.jpg

One would assume IP is purchased to capitalize on the name recognition, but like, are there many parents who still read Beatrix Potter to their kids? Are people going to see it specifically because it's Peter Rabbit, rather than just a kid's movie with talking animals? That puzzles me about Hollywood's determination to constantly remake Doctor Doolittle. What public is clamoring for an adaptation to will do it justice? Surely if anyone knows Doolittle these days, it's as a property that reliably turns out awful, not as a children's book series.

People, particularly upper-middle class and wealthy educated people, still read to their kids.

I'm not crazy about Disney having rights to Winnie the Pooh but at least it keeps, like, Illumination or Dreamworks from creating adaptations that would inevitably focus heavily on the Pooh.

Christopher Robin: Why do they call you Pooh?
Winnie: Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!
Tigger: (starts rapping about Domino's Pizza)

kids movies are especially lucrative in the streaming era since kids between say 3 and 6 really do just wanna watch the same things over and over and over again.

for example my 5 year old son absolutely loves Stuart Little and wants to watch it every single day (at least, the first 15-30 minutes of it). all because my Mom showed it to him while she was babysitting once. so I would imagine that's part of the decision, right? some grandma remembers reading Peter Rabbit to her kids and knows there's a movie out there, so that's what she's gonna show them, and then they're hooked. you wouldn't believe how popular these things are. there are like, Arabic versions of Stuart Little on YouTube that are put through crazy filters and have audio that doesn't sync up, all to fool the copyright detectors, which rack up like a million views a week.

I had to rewatch the Disney Winnie the Pooh over Christmas as my nephew loves it, and I’m reminded of just how jarringly wrong it is. The characterisations and voices are so wrong, and why did they add in the gopher?

At least it isn’t 3D, I presume peter rabbit will be 3D

i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.

I know nothing about these "Hitman's etc" movies but I hope they just make more sequels and just add an extra person for every movie:

The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Bodyguard
The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's Bodyguard
The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's Bodyguard's Mailman
etc.

Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!

Dying at this, by the way.

xpost If they did that and each successive movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.

i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.

― warn me about a lurking rake (One Eye Open), Tuesday, January 7, 2020 7:08 AM (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Not sure if this is universal but both of those resonate pretty strongly as a Brit. I could give you a plot synopsis of either one as a much loved children’s book and one as a panto staple.

xp

oh that would be so good

kind of similar to an idea I had years ago about making a movie which would be some kind of serious family drama, but at the same time there would be some kind of Avengers style superhero fights happening all around the city but you'd only get bits of this here and there when a TV is left on or whatever.

there was a movie called Big Man Japan that was kinda like that

movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.

so basically Twin Peaks: The Return

Yes, like what Lynch would probably do if given a job directing, I dunno, the next Jack Reacher.

'Wait, was that Tom Cruise who just rappelled from the top of a football stadium in the background of that shot where a bald Laura Dern hatched from a glowing egg?'

From the OPs wiki list, I'm vaguely interested in The Turning, First Cow, Saint Maud, The Woman in the Window, Tenet, Last Night in Soho, Deep Water, and Dune. Pleased to see Ana de Armas and Anya Taylor-Joy are keeping busy (3+ films each), though I'll take a hard pass on most of their roles. A24 please save us.

With so many tedious options, hard to choose which will be worst. I'll give it to Mulan, as Disney live-action remakes are among the most dispiriting things about the modern studio era.

Which reminds me of something that's missing from the list: Jungle Cruise! Just when we thought the era of Disney turning their theme park rides into movies was over. Can't wait for Carousel of Progress!

Well, I guess it doesn't technically fit the thread purview, but you better believe I'll pitch a fit if Jungle Cruise 4: Jungle in the Bunghole is omitted from the 2029 poll.

I always wanted to see a movie from the POV of the guy who owns the fruit stand that gets wrecked in the big car chase. Just a regular day at work interrupted by a moment of inexplicable chaos, then having to clean it all up, not knowing what the hell just happened.

Ronin are Fuckin Cunts (2023). I'd see it.
https://youtu.be/mvMVfICBC-U?t=199

Sean Bean's labour of love

lolling at Jungle In The Bunghole tbh

Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:

The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works;

Fast Ten: Zip Fastener

He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.

Mission Impossibles aren't things that McQuarrie wants to make, and he's already making a third & fourth back to back, so a second-and-a-halfth wouldn't really be necessary. He just can't get any of his own projects funded, and decided to stop doing studio rewrite jobs in 2005, approx. nine seconds before his first meeting with Cruise. He's said every time he finishes a $300-750million-making movie for a studio he pitches his own scripts, gets turned down, and says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well. Whatever Maverick is (idk) is obviously what Cruise wanted to do with it, not something Cruise has been tricked into.

Maverick is about how Scientology can help the Navy

Go faster. Aim higher. Get clear.

Just for the record, McQuarrie is credited as a writer on Top Gun 2: Another Gun That's On Top of the Gun That Was Formerly On Top

says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well

He's a producer on it, too.