Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"you wouldn't be hungry if you got something at the drive-thru, mr. i-hate-trans-fats"

I'm trying to think of some combined Odysseus/cop caper gag, but not getting very far. Best I can come up as of yet:

"Are you sure this is the best way to avoid the sirens?"

Not great.

"i still say the extortion industry shouldn't have to advertise."

"well, I'm not explaining why we had to drop him off 'somewhere more scenic'"

"No, the drivethrough girl did not seem weird to me."

"if you didn't want jackass 3 on your resume you shouldn't have taken the job."

ugh who knew being drily urbane was so challenging

a variation on elmo's:

"don't tell me you forgot your drink on the roof again"

short sweet and stupid is most likely on this one.
"I thought he was with you!"
"Well it's not like he WALKED away..."

"Nothing back there but a coffee cup, boss."

"what are those idiots beeping at?"

That's the cruelest depiction of distress I've seen in a NYer cartoon maybe ever. Look at that dude's eyes.

also
"That's the cruelest depiction of distress I've seen in a NYer cartoon maybe ever. Look at that dude's eyes"

"thanks for stopping, a slurpee always brings out the kid in me"

"look, paul, I'm trying to be supportive here but there are better ways of getting on reality TV"

"Thank god THAT'S taken care of."

haha I was going to do a "Jackass" one but chickened out

"It's like, he's going in the drink, but this drink is going in me. Makes you think, you know?"

"Are you or have you ever been a representative or member of a terrorist organization or a member of a group which endorses terrorist activity?"

"these car rental people don't know the meaning of the word 'legroom' do they?"

"these harsh interrogation techniques are torture on your highway milage"

"I'm not exactly sure how they took the news but they said they'd give us 'a sign'"

"maybe it's in my other pants"

"I've always hated Rush Week."

"back in my day, we didn't have to travel to a sustainable fishery"

lotsa mileage in the torture angle npi

"Don't get me wrong, I love these family reunions - I just wish Mitt wouldn't act like he's better than the rest of us."

"I dunno...did you leave the gas on maybe?"

"Hey Mario, you know what I hate? When the picture for a caption competition is fucking lame. Also - Jews."

"I spy with my little eye something that rhymes with 'shoe left the hostage on the roof, idiot'."

"Porco Dio! Che disgraziata!"

"after the administration banned waterboarding we weren't left with many options"

Thinking of some "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day" gag but I can't place it

"i think it qualifies as a 'stress position,' yes"

"You wanna know where he is? Hit the brakes and I'll tell you..."

"I got the idea from Mitt Romney"

(Alternately: "Hey, if it was good enough for Mitt Romney's dog...")

"I'm not sure if this is what the boss meant by 'thinking outside the box'"

hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa I had forgotten about Mittens and his dog adventures

"Now we just look for an overpass" would also work

"Look Tony, it's not that I don't like it, but I live in a 3rd floor studio - where am I going to put it?"

"This was a lot easier before they transferred us to Utah"

^^ wait, substitute a dry state that does not have a gigantic well-known lake

Arizona

lake havasu, bro

why did i even post that

"I'm all for offering them a final meal, but next time NO BURRITOS"

"So much for 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'."

"Do you think this will count as 'something borrowed' or 'something blue'?"

"in the trunk, complain, in the backseat, complain. I try to be reasonable but I've had it with this guy."

"She lies and says she's in love with him; can't find a betterman..."