https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY5SrKf_2ic
― Andrew Farrell, Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:11 (four years ago) link
I hope Maverick dies in the first ten minutes of Top Gun and the rest is just Miles Teller trying to solve his murder
― papa stank (Neanderthal), Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:14 (four years ago) link
voted for fantasy island, because idk who is asking for it or what a good fantasy island movie could conceivably look like
― 525,600 gecs (voodoo chili), Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:23 (four years ago) link
Tattoo played by Cole Sprouse
― papa stank (Neanderthal), Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:28 (four years ago) link
I voted for Tom & Jerry. I haven't looked into it at all, but I assume it's shitty CGI and they probably make them talk and just, just Fuck off because the original cartoons are so perfect and filmed from an animal's/kid's eye view and such a dialectic between the tormented and the one who torments
― Never changed username before (cardamon), Saturday, 4 January 2020 23:55 (four years ago) link
Downhill, a remake of Force Majeure starring Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus
OK this is pissing me off so much right now. Fucking US remakes, fuuuuuuuck
― Miami weisse (WmC), Sunday, 5 January 2020 00:17 (four years ago) link
Ugh. Saw that on the release schedule, but didn't bother to investigate what it is.
― Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Sunday, 5 January 2020 00:20 (four years ago) link
I wish I had picked this year to expand the poll to include series as well, if only so I could include Disney’s upcoming High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.
― Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Sunday, 5 January 2020 23:47 (four years ago) link
Such a depressingly dire pile of cinematic barf.
pls how do i vote for this?
― Ste, Monday, 6 January 2020 13:53 (four years ago) link
Cinematic Barf 3 was the superior sequel
― papa stank (Neanderthal), Monday, 6 January 2020 15:16 (four years ago) link
The new New Mutants trailer looks dope even though Roberto should be darker and Cecilia Reyes should be darker and not evil
― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 6 January 2020 15:23 (four years ago) link
I'd like New Mutants to be good as some of the casting is amazingly on-point but I don't have any reason to think it will be good.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 15:25 (four years ago) link
I watched both Airplane! and Bill and Ted EA with my elementary-school + middle-school kids and they both died laughing. The jokes still hit (well, in Airplane! there are a lot of parodies of 70s stuff which are meaningless to kids but there are SO MANY jokes that the density of ones that hit still exceeds that of most contemporary comedies.)
I love the idea of revisiting Fantasy Island as horror and hope they do something interesting with it.
The trailer for the new Top Gun was so dire it made me wonder retrospectively whether it was a mistake to think of Tom Cruise as an actor who could carry an action movie.
― Guayaquil (eephus!), Monday, 6 January 2020 16:38 (four years ago) link
He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 16:53 (four years ago) link
There could be an entire season of On Cinema at the Cinema based on just this list. I can already hear Gregg Turkington lamenting the lack of Jack Nicholson in Impractical Jokers: The Movie.
― blatherskite, Monday, 6 January 2020 17:50 (four years ago) link
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard asks the question, 'Did you like The Hitman's Wife? Did you like The Bodyguard? Well, how about both of those worlds, on screen together.' And it really is the best of both worlds, although sadly they weren't able to get Whitney Houston to return to her role. This is the kind of cinematic mash-up I hope we see more of from Hollywood, and something film buffs have been clamoring for. Like many other Hobbit-heads, I know I'd like to see as many films as possible featuring my hero, Bilbo Baggins. So that's why I've started a petition for a crossover which is a remake of the first Christian Bale Batman movie, but better because it takes place in Middle Earth. Please go to the VFA website and add your signature to the growing list of people demanding Batman Baggins.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:01 (four years ago) link
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard is actually set in the same cinematic universe as The Wife, not to be a pedant about it
― the public eating of beans (Sparkle Motion), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:03 (four years ago) link
xp I give your post five bags of popcorn and a Whitney Houston cassette single.
― blatherskite, Monday, 6 January 2020 18:07 (four years ago) link
The Hitman, The Thief, His Wife & Her Bodyguard
― ☮️ (peace, man), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:12 (four years ago) link
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/57/Hitman2_large.jpg/220px-Hitman2_large.jpghttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/65/Thief_1981.jpghttp://www.impawards.com/2018/posters/wife_ver6.jpghttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8f/The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg/220px-The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:20 (four years ago) link
But which one of them eats a dead man's penis at the end, is the real question
where are my fellow Croodheads
― frogbs, Monday, 6 January 2020 18:26 (four years ago) link
thats my pick for oscar
― american bradass (BradNelson), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:30 (four years ago) link
As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title. Why settle for A Quiet Place: Part II when you could go with A Quiet Place: Listen Harder or Sequels are Golden? Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:
The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works; Hobbs & Shaw looks destined for sequels; an animated series is coming to Netflix; and Diesel previously revealed that a female spin-off is being planned. And for all those Ludacris and Tyrese fans, Morgan tells EW that they have a “fun idea” for a Tej and Roman spin-off.
― blatherskite, Monday, 6 January 2020 18:37 (four years ago) link
As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title.
You are gonna love next year's "Do a Little More"
― Guayaquil (eephus!), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:42 (four years ago) link
Peter Rabbit 2: You Fucking Deserve This
― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:49 (four years ago) link
How Peter got his powers
― papa stank (Neanderthal), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:52 (four years ago) link
Poochie-fying Beatrix Potter is such a truly hateful endeavor. That honestly might get my vote.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 18:58 (four years ago) link
I just assume, based on the soiled fruits of their labors, that many of the people producing entertainment for children are among the biggest misanthropes walking the earth.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:03 (four years ago) link
https://www.biography.com/.image/t_share/MTE5NDg0MDU1MTUzNTA5OTAz/mark-twain-9512564-1-402.jpg
― Baby yoda laid an egg (wins), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:10 (four years ago) link
One would assume IP is purchased to capitalize on the name recognition, but like, are there many parents who still read Beatrix Potter to their kids? Are people going to see it specifically because it's Peter Rabbit, rather than just a kid's movie with talking animals? That puzzles me about Hollywood's determination to constantly remake Doctor Doolittle. What public is clamoring for an adaptation to will do it justice? Surely if anyone knows Doolittle these days, it's as a property that reliably turns out awful, not as a children's book series.
― blatherskite, Monday, 6 January 2020 19:15 (four years ago) link
People, particularly upper-middle class and wealthy educated people, still read to their kids.
― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:21 (four years ago) link
I'm not crazy about Disney having rights to Winnie the Pooh but at least it keeps, like, Illumination or Dreamworks from creating adaptations that would inevitably focus heavily on the Pooh.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:30 (four years ago) link
Christopher Robin: Why do they call you Pooh?Winnie: Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!Tigger: (starts rapping about Domino's Pizza)
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:31 (four years ago) link
kids movies are especially lucrative in the streaming era since kids between say 3 and 6 really do just wanna watch the same things over and over and over again.
for example my 5 year old son absolutely loves Stuart Little and wants to watch it every single day (at least, the first 15-30 minutes of it). all because my Mom showed it to him while she was babysitting once. so I would imagine that's part of the decision, right? some grandma remembers reading Peter Rabbit to her kids and knows there's a movie out there, so that's what she's gonna show them, and then they're hooked. you wouldn't believe how popular these things are. there are like, Arabic versions of Stuart Little on YouTube that are put through crazy filters and have audio that doesn't sync up, all to fool the copyright detectors, which rack up like a million views a week.
― frogbs, Monday, 6 January 2020 19:38 (four years ago) link
I had to rewatch the Disney Winnie the Pooh over Christmas as my nephew loves it, and I’m reminded of just how jarringly wrong it is. The characterisations and voices are so wrong, and why did they add in the gopher?
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Monday, 6 January 2020 19:41 (four years ago) link
At least it isn’t 3D, I presume peter rabbit will be 3D
i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.
― warn me about a lurking rake (One Eye Open), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:08 (four years ago) link
I know nothing about these "Hitman's etc" movies but I hope they just make more sequels and just add an extra person for every movie:
The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's BodyguardThe Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's BodyguardThe Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's Bodyguard's Mailmanetc.
― silverfish, Monday, 6 January 2020 20:14 (four years ago) link
Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!
Dying at this, by the way.
― A perfect transcript of a routine post (Dan Peterson), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:16 (four years ago) link
xpost If they did that and each successive movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:18 (four years ago) link
i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.― warn me about a lurking rake (One Eye Open), Tuesday, January 7, 2020 7:08 AM (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink
― warn me about a lurking rake (One Eye Open), Tuesday, January 7, 2020 7:08 AM (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink
Not sure if this is universal but both of those resonate pretty strongly as a Brit. I could give you a plot synopsis of either one as a much loved children’s book and one as a panto staple.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:21 (four years ago) link
xp
oh that would be so good
kind of similar to an idea I had years ago about making a movie which would be some kind of serious family drama, but at the same time there would be some kind of Avengers style superhero fights happening all around the city but you'd only get bits of this here and there when a TV is left on or whatever.
― silverfish, Monday, 6 January 2020 20:26 (four years ago) link
there was a movie called Big Man Japan that was kinda like that
― frogbs, Monday, 6 January 2020 20:33 (four years ago) link
movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.
so basically Twin Peaks: The Return
― the public eating of beans (Sparkle Motion), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:36 (four years ago) link
Yes, like what Lynch would probably do if given a job directing, I dunno, the next Jack Reacher.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:39 (four years ago) link
'Wait, was that Tom Cruise who just rappelled from the top of a football stadium in the background of that shot where a bald Laura Dern hatched from a glowing egg?'
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:42 (four years ago) link
From the OPs wiki list, I'm vaguely interested in The Turning, First Cow, Saint Maud, The Woman in the Window, Tenet, Last Night in Soho, Deep Water, and Dune. Pleased to see Ana de Armas and Anya Taylor-Joy are keeping busy (3+ films each), though I'll take a hard pass on most of their roles. A24 please save us.
With so many tedious options, hard to choose which will be worst. I'll give it to Mulan, as Disney live-action remakes are among the most dispiriting things about the modern studio era.
― Now We Know (Sanpaku), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:45 (four years ago) link
Which reminds me of something that's missing from the list: Jungle Cruise! Just when we thought the era of Disney turning their theme park rides into movies was over. Can't wait for Carousel of Progress!
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:51 (four years ago) link
Well, I guess it doesn't technically fit the thread purview, but you better believe I'll pitch a fit if Jungle Cruise 4: Jungle in the Bunghole is omitted from the 2029 poll.
― Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 January 2020 20:53 (four years ago) link