Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

I voted for The Conjuring 2: The Devil made Me Do It, in anticipation of it being 100% unwatchable, but among the big-studio huge-budget contenders I expect the Dr. Doolittle movie to be the most dreadful-per-dollar-spent.

I have very little memory of what happens in Airplane from my attempt to watch it but I do remember when we turned it off during a flashback(?) to a dance sequence(?) in a tropical locale(?), possibly before any airplanes had taken off

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, January 2, 2020 1:27 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

silby! this is so goddamn early in the movie

It felt like years

not that it'll be the worst, but I have no idea why they're bothering with another Green/McBride Halloween

― Number None, Thursday, January 2, 2020 1:32 PM (twenty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

bc it made a ton of money

too bad as it's the worst possible use of both Green and McBride's time

These yearly threads don’t even cover a phenomenon that is even more weird (and weirdly dispiriting) to me, which is 10-40yo films rebooted as shows as the various streaming platforms desperately pan for content: exorcist, lethal weapon, rush hour, scream, get shorty... really feels like these things are selected by dartboard

i agree! the dgg halloween is a movie i like less the more i think about it. also the editing was godawful xp

Yeah - in my head I associate it with the it remake cause they were both instantly among the most successful horror films *ever* despite not being very good (and very similar faults: you can feel the 50 or so scripts badly stitched together over the years of development, way too long, whole characters just disappear from the film)

It's The Conjuring 3, keep up!

No Time to Die wins my award for 'title that sounds the most like one of the fake movies from Seinfeld.' Runners up: P.S. I Still Love You and Halloween Kills.

Craig looks so fucking tired in the poster, like even more than usual

"I wish I had time to die"

Is this the first year without a star war since these threads started? That’s normally my default pick, dunno what to plump for now. Maybe 2020 golden bear winner birds of prey

bill and ted could be fun, i think. i'd probably see the bob's burgers movie tho i'm not sure why it needs to exist.

saw trailers for ghostbusters and peter rabbit the other day and couldn't decide which i hated more, ghostbusters for existing entirely to pander to the worst ppl on the internet or peter rabbit for pissing so obnoxiously all over the legacy of beatrix potter.

Brahms: The Boy II

I have no idea what this is, but I've decided it's a series of biopics that depicts the life story of the German composer with a Robert Caro like obsession with detail. This is actually the fourth Brahms film after Brahms: The Ancestors, Brahms: The Parents and Brahms: The Boy I. The big thing this time is Brahms learning to play the piano. It's four hours long, of course. And the hands of Brahms is portrayed by Hyung-ki Joo, who really has remarkably small hands.

Oh, and I voted for Dolittle.

i can't help but imagine "wonder woman 1984" as either a bizarro mashup where wonder woman visits the world of orwell's 1984 or a lame reboot from the actual year 1984, like "GODZILLA 1985."

Halloween Kills is setting the stage for Halloween Fucks

fuck off

Bad Boys for Life
Fantasy Island
The Purge 5
Sonic the Hedgehog
Mulan
The King's Man
The Invisible Man
Ghostbusters: Afterlife
Dolittle
Birds of Prey
Black Widow
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway
Wonder Woman 1984
The Eternals
Morbius
Godzilla vs. Kong
Venom 2
Scoob!
Tom and Jerry

what is this shit

Escape Room 2
Brahms: The Boy II
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard
Impractical Jokers: The Movie
P.S. I Still Love You
Trolls World Tour

don't give a shit

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
Minions: The Rise of Gru
A Quiet Place: Part II
Bob's Burgers: The Movie
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run
West Side Story
The Croods 2

hyped

Bill & Ted Face the Music
- pro: great premise, Reeves has waited for the script to be right and is having a really solid run of choices rn, Winter has waited for the script to be right and is returning to acting especially for it, Parisot seems to be an ideal director for the property and especially a return decades later, and Solomon's work on Mosaic was really impressive. con: Now You See Me 1 was v stupid

moderately hyped

n/a

loosies

Coming 2 America
- never dug the first one or made it all the way through, had kids in the playground act out "the royal penis is clean" scene enough times to outweigh the running time though. Murphy is talking like this deserves to be his followup to Dolemite Is though, so for his sake I hope it works

Top Gun: Maverick
- won't give money to someone who uses slave labour, especially while they are shilling for the US military, but have become fascinated by McQuarrie's work as a commercial story technician so will watch this on a TV set sometime, or buy a ticket to an indie and slip into the Maverick theater on a late screening

Fast & Furious 9
- the last two of these (inc Hobbs & Shaw) were very not-good but Justin Lin is back back BACK!!! baby, so my heart swells with optimism

Candyman
- saw the original for the first time last Halloween, Peele seems the ideal producer for a reboot

Halloween Kills
- just saw the first Hallogreen at Christmas. it's a really well-conceived 40-year-later sequel to a horror classic, and the centering of trauma is an important subject for such a project to take on. I can't see that TWO more back-to-back sequels aren't going to undermine that entirely, but on the other hand nearly everything else he & McBride write is good and I'm happy for the Jamieleenaissance

The New Mutants
- I hope this stays on these threads every year forever

No Time to Die
- the last one was the worst Bond movie ever, including the TV Casino Royale and the Woody Allen one, and replacing a new director & screenwriter with the guys that have written most of the bad ones for the last 20 years can't be a good move. however, Craig hiring Waller-Bridge for rewrites hopefully mitigates this slightly, and I expect to be able to read relief on his face that he can bugger off and make more Benoit Blanc mysteries.

additionally, I just started reading Donald Westlake's hefty novelisation of a Bond script he was commissioned to do in the '90s but wasn't used, and it appears to be about a billionaire taking advantage of a British regime change to fuck over a citizenry's lives, and deliberately accelerating climate change on the east coast of Australia to catastrophically destructive levels, so wheeeee

least promising is probably Mulan, bcz the CGI remakes of their previous animated output is somehow the most craven & repugnant & regressive of all Disney's output, across their mega-IP portfolios. but I don't know anything about the previous Mulan so it's not really a degradation.

These yearly threads don’t even cover a phenomenon that is even more weird (and weirdly dispiriting) to me, which is 10-40yo films rebooted as shows as the various streaming platforms desperately pan for content: exorcist, lethal weapon, rush hour, scream, get shorty... really feels like these things are selected by dartboard

― Baby yoda laid an egg (wins), Thursday, January 2, 2020 3:02 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'd have to scan the last several years' lists to be certain but I think it's fair to say that I've enjoyed Cobra Kai more than 95% of the sequels/remakes/reboots released during the timeframe of its two seasons.

But yes, the trend is generally just as bad if not worse than its cinematic equivalent.

How does the new Ghostbusters movie look so unfun, even with Paul Rudd's involvement?? It's downright impressive

The new Mulan looks like it will have very little in common with the cartoon, stylistically

unlike the other cartoon remakes

you know what disappoints me about the Sonic movie is that the original game actually does have an environmentalist-themed plot which you'd think could be pretty relevant in 2020 but instead it's gonna be about a wisecrackin' blue alien with magic powers and in the end it'll be about the magic of friendship or some shit that completely ignores the fact that Sonic levels half a city in the film's climax

I like how off-the-wall some of these titles are if you don't know the original, e.g. Brahms: The Boy II, The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

― jmm, Thursday, January 2, 2020 10:34 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Brahms: The Boy II

I have no idea what this is, but I've decided it's a series of biopics that depicts the life story of the German composer with a Robert Caro like obsession with detail.

This is the thing I love about this yearly thread-- the ever-increasing spiral of inane & bizarre names for these half-baked film properties. The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard has a real "come the fuck on" quality to it.

What I'm dismayed about is the lack of shoehorning of the number 2 into any of these titles.

you missed Coming 2 America!

goddamn! so I did! horrible title, movie seems like an opportunity only for embarassment. Eddie was already a little long in the tooth the first time around.

The Ghostbusters trailer is so teal & orange that you'd think they were trying to bust the Miami Dolphins.

Bustin' makes me teal good.

You rule.

lmao

this thread finally got me to watch that trailer and wow what a product of cowardice and unearned nostalgia

but enough about jason reitman

Finally a Morbs biopic

I will see Fasts and the Furiouses 9 and 10 partly bc I love the series, and partly out of my deeply held hope that its all been leading up to them somehow going to space. they've raced cars on land, sea, and air, space is the only environment that remains unFurioused, it just makes sense

Given that Ghostbusters is one of my all-time favorites, you'd think that I might have at least one infinitesimally tiny wisp of interest in this new one, at least enough to check out the sequel. But, as it turns out...nope.

'enough to check out the trailer' rather

Genuinely looking forward to West Side Story

Having now seen the Dolittle trailer, I can't in good conscience vote for anything else.

Tentatively looking forward to Wonder Woman 1984 (Steve Trevor in a Members Only jacket?)

was it ever confirmed that there's a Russia/Cold War angle to that? cause if so I might have to change my vote

fingers crossed for a thatcher cameo, maybe an exchange of steely but loving nods

West Side Story is the one of these that I'll most likely end up seeing, though I don't have any real expectations for it.

Also, I can't guarantee I won't end up watching P.S. I Still Love you on Netflix, because there are far worse ways to fritter away two hours than looking at Noah Centineo.

xxpost Have been avoiding spoilers, so couldn't say. This past summer I was on a bus that went past the "reconstructed" Commander Salamander in Georgetown. That's how I found out they were shooting in and around DC.

Better a Thatcher cameo than a reenactment of Nancy Reagan going "Just say no."

ghostbusters for existing entirely to pander to the worst ppl on the internet

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Thursday, January 2, 2020 9:40 PM

Really? I'm pretty sure this one is going to piss them off too.

I saw most of the recent reboot on tv recently and it was only slightly better than the Starksy & Hutch reboot (not good at all). Either the ending is really brilliant or people couldn't bear admitting it wasn't good.

? I thought it was a big flop, quite aside from dumb culture war stuff

If Siskel & Ebert were still around, this would be every week's episode in 2020:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwSt66H-G04

Missing from the list: Downhill, a remake of Force Majeure starring Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY5SrKf_2ic

I hope Maverick dies in the first ten minutes of Top Gun and the rest is just Miles Teller trying to solve his murder