star wars 9 grim resignation thread

And yeah, as basically every other mega-franchise fails, it becomes more and more impressive/scary how Feige has been able to do it.

xxxp Not marketing teams (they just market), but yeah. There’s no “creative” like Lucas or even Feige guiding the whole thing.

I might not even see the new one but tbh the whole thing seems like Disney and co reacting to the discourse and working based on that to try to please the fans - people complained that TFA was too familiar so TLJ veered contrary; people complained even harder about that so they (apparently) veered back hard towards the familiar.

Not marketing teams (they just market)

I think you underestimate their reach and power.

it'd be interesting to know how much of the extremely online hate for the last jedi actually exists among regular moviegoers - presumably disney have reams of market research on that, and in terms of pure box office tfa made $2bn and tlj made a relatively paltry $1.3bn

I have to say I was also really baffled by Salo at first but I've come around to it. It's an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire. I'll be disappointed if Rise of Skywalker rows back from that. Maybe there's only room for one 'one for the dads' entry in the canon though?

xxp I worked at a studio for 15 yrs! They really don’t get involved in the filmmaking... they do generally choose the title, though.

At any rate, it's definitely a good thing if Disney is making $100 million movies based on the ever-shifting whims of the fans (or, rather, the most obnoxiously-vocal fans), that is absolutely the way to make big and expensive films.

Anyone who harbors genuine rancor for TLJ needs some genuine tragedy injected into their life, for serious.

'an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire' is definitely one way to describe salo but i dunno if that's a conversation we should be having in the star wars thread

I have to say I was also really baffled by Salo at first but I've come around to it. It's an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire.

It's certainly a bracing depiction, but I still have trouble watching the Stormtroopers forcing naked Rebels to eat spoonfuls of feces. Maybe that's just me.

Goddamn it, Scottish clone me. We really need to better coordinate our japery.

MORE 👏 REDUNDANT 👏 POSTS 👏

You won't like what happens to redundant posters under the Empire

Apparently there's a lot of fan service. Not shocked but meh.

But i am going to watch this with 12 year old eyes.

I'm skipping Morbid Angel to see this so better be good!

I am sorry to the 12 year old whose eyes i stole tho

i'm glad you addressed it cuz i couldn't find a decent gif of james hong in blade runner saying 'i do eyes'

it's a relief to have a family with no fan-boy inclinations.

^ v much relate to this.

Actual unironic predictions, why the heck not:

Rey is Kylo's sister, separated from her family at birth for a reason which will strain the plot to near-breakage
Luke will appear as a Force ghost or at least a disembodied voice
The word "midichlorians" will be uttered in a throwaway line
There will be a fakeout where we think Palpy is gonna shoot lightning from his fingers but then doesn't, for some reason

It's all been a fantasy in Baby Yoda's head.

It's all a bedtime story being told by an elderly Jar-Jar to his brood of younglings.

I will assume Rey, like Anakin, is a Palpatine mind baby as the latter will reveal in this (possibly with flashbacks, possibly confirmed by FG Anakin himself)

Luke will appear as a Force ghost or at least a disembodied voice

I think this is guaranteed! I predict a few other Force ghosts will appear, as well...

(xpost)

I can’t think of any way to make Rey fit into the larger storyline that doesn’t feel terribly, well, “Forced”

rey is a time-travelling, shape-shifting watto

I demand Yoda do his giggling while kicking his legs move again

A rebus 4 u all

https://am22.akamaized.net/tms/cnt/uploads/2018/08/oscar-isaac-poe-dameron.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/af/Rey_Star_Wars.png/220px-Rey_Star_Wars.png
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5c/C-3PO_droid.png/220px-C-3PO_droid.png
https://lumiere-a.akamaihd.net/v1/images/teebo_48370833.jpeg

the raves are rolling in

Tweeting through tears - #TheRiseofSkywalker isn’t the best Star Wars film, but it is the ULTIMATE Star Wars film. A truly stunning finale to a nine film saga. Only weird thing was the amount of screen time spent on characters wolfing down raw vidalia onions. I ADORED this movie.

— ben mekler (@benmekler) December 17, 2019

Okay, seriously, you need to give some sort of warning before posting things like that so my coworkers don't think I'm having some sort of fit.

avengers endgame vibes from that tweet

I dunno, I don't feel like the consumption of Vidalia onions was quite as front-and-center in Endgame. I'm glad to see Abrams is apparently willing to go all-in on that front.

lol at that guy's Cats tweet being quoted so many places

oh lmao my brain sure skipped over the raw vidalia onions

pic.twitter.com/Nyxq2ktufB

— ben mekler (@benmekler) December 17, 2019

lol

Thanks to red carpet coverage on Twitter I learned that Kathleen Kennedy has a twin sister, Connie, who works in visual effects production, including on a bunch of Disney and Marvel stuff.

https://i0.wp.com/dapsmagic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/H120917A-2321.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1

I've never been happier about the media paying scant attention to the things they feverishly publish.

xpost

glad at least one person out there is using their blue check for good

The (actually pretty dark) RedLetter take down of the hype cites about a half dozen, maybe more, publications that used a verbatim headline about the movie breaking box office records before it's even opened.

I'm skipping my screening tonight because why not

did you leave your onions at home? poor form imo

https://st2.depositphotos.com/6043720/10152/i/950/depositphotos_101527574-stock-photo-little-boy-with-two-bulbs.jpg

is... is that a glass of onion juice

the featured Star Wars-themed cocktail at my drafthouse-style theater, no doubt

which we drink while dancing to Larry Levan's remix of "Lapti Nek"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrOSuY12Rrs

That or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfUxy7PdHxY

is that a glass of onion juice

― WHEEL! OF! FORESKIN! (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, December 17, 2019 4:30 PM (thirty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

doo dah! doo dah!

A rebus 4 u all

― Welcome to the Sandwich Trough (Old Lunch), Tuesday, December 17, 2019 3:07 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Don't know what you're getting at here but Rebus was a Human male Imperial Moff at the start of the Galactic Civil War. He was a noted weapons designer and created the prototype weapons for the Empire's dark trooper battle droids. He chose the sewage systems of Anoat as his hideout and installed a sophisticated series of defenses to prevent intruders from reaching his lab. However, while investigating the Dark Trooper Project for the Alliance to Restore the Republic, the mercenary Kyle Katarn was able to infiltrate Rebus's base and capture the Moff. During his interrogation, Rebus revealed information that helped Katarn track down the source of the dark troopers and eliminate them.

Rebus gained a reputation as a weapons designer during the years leading up to the Battle of Yavin and, by 0 ABY, held the rank of Moff in the Galactic Empire. Around that time he operated out of a hidden stronghold, deep within the subterranean sewage system under Anoat City,[1] the long-abandoned sole settlement on Anoat in the Anoat sector.[2]

The sewage system itself was mammoth and extremely confusing to navigate, all the while being virtually pitch black, making the use of a head lamp or infrared goggles imperative. Rebus made sure that even the smartest of trespassers were prevented from finding the route to his lab through the largely unexplored array of durasteel sewage tunnels by engineering a complicated series of drain gate switches. While the dianogas that infested the sewers provided a natural defense against intruders, Rebus also surrounded himself with Viper probe droids, IT-O Interrogator droids, and remote droids, ready to attack any trespassers in various areas within the sewer complex. Several Gran thugs, armed with thermal detonators, were also employed to provide further protection.[1]

Around the time of the Battle of Yavin, Rebus designed the prototype weapons for the Empire's dark troopers, a series of advanced battle droids developed under General Rom Mohc. The dark trooper weapons, which bore the initials M.R. on the barrel as his signature, were tested on Fest in the Atrivis sector, and Rebus was pleased with the results. The weapons were used to devastating effect by dark troopers during the Imperial attack on the Alliance to Restore the Republic's base on Talay. Tak Base was destroyed within minutes and many innocent inhabitants of Talay were killed along with the Rebels. In the aftermath of the attack, Rebel agent Kyle Katarn traveled to Talay to investigate and discovered a prototype dark trooper weapon. When Katarn's partner, Rebel agent Jan Ors, discovered Rebus's signature on the device, it led the pair to Anoat in search of the Moff.[1]

Katarn proceeded into the sewer system and was able to successfully activate the drain gate switches and navigate to the Moff's lab. He found Rebus in his hideout, simply sitting in a brown chair holding a large weapon. Rebus put up no resistance whatsoever, and was captured and subsequently questioned on the Dark Trooper Project. Though he was uncooperative during questioning, providing the Rebels with little useful information, Rebus mentioned the results of the tests on Fest during one of his rants. The existence of an Imperial Weapons Research Facility on Fest was soon confirmed by the Rebel spy Crix Madine, and Katarn proceeded to Fest to search for clues. He recovered a sample of phrik from Fest, which was used in the construction of dark troopers and helped him to track down their source. Katarn eventually eliminated Mohc and put an end to the dark troopers.[1]

OMG

Human absurdity, thy name is Wookieepedia.