star wars 9 grim resignation thread

I totally forgot the last one ended with Jedi street urchins or something. I wonder if this new one will feature an army of children to the rescue? It would certainly save on Ewok costumes.

It'S NOT SNOW IT'S SALT

"It's not snow, it's poiso ... agggh!"

"it's...bird shit"

Abrams has anticipated the audience groaning when he introduces what appears to be yet another desert planet in the next installment until the 'sand' is revealed to be graham cracker crumbs.

Surprised there is no character named Guano.

Lol @ old lunch

Missed my opportunity to make the now-obvious '(tastes sand) Sir...it's a dessert planet!' joke.

'...Raspberry!'

My kids and I want a Spaceballs II so badly

read some alleged spoilers for this and: lol

No one believed me when I told them that the Skywalker referred to in the title was in fact Luke's new husband Kylo, bet you're all embarrassed now.

Rey is Darth Plagueis

...is Count Dooku

But who becomes Darth Chocula

going to be wild when Kylo somehow pulls the exact same lightsaber trick a second time to take out Palpatine, followed by him saying "I'm Emperor now"

Question for those that have seen spoilers: will there be The Force in this, y/n?

yes, but also characters' midichlorian counts are displayed onscreen like the eventual deaths in The Irishman

Lol, first reaction from colleague who was at press screening: It's like it's written by a Star Wars fan who had his childhood ruined by The Last Jedi.

the spoilers floating around out there are distinctly unpromising

Kylo Ren opens the shower door and there stands Snoke in all his soapy glory.

I'm awfully glad I didn't allow myself to get invested in these things. TFA marked the first time my entire family went to the theater together in probably 30 years (very nearly pulling it off again, minus one person, with TLJ and hopefully achieving the trifecta this year), and if that's all I get out of the new trilogy, it's enough.

lol I think the last movie my entire family saw together in the theatre was ... Dr. Strange? (It was totally forgettable, iirc, and I suspect they harbor a quiet grudge for being dragged to something so unmemorable). Now even the movies we all see we see in waves and various combos. They have less than zero interest in the new Star Wars, or Star Wars in general, afaict. I don't think my wife even knows what a Wookie is. We have Disney+, and 2/3 of the big draws might as well be invisible to them.

142 minutes

short!

These days, yeah, that might as well be a pre-feature cartoon.

I've got to say, as someone who grew up steeped in this shit (Star Wars 1 in the theatre 1978 or so may be my earliest memory), it's a relief to have a family with no fan-boy inclinations. My girls are getting older, but they still love Frozen, and yet, though they saw the new movie opening weekend, that, more or less, was it. I guess they listen to the songs sometimes. It's possible the Harry Potter films had a SW like impact on them, though.

I was genuinely shocked that my sister (who has evinced precisely zero interest in SW ever) saw TLJ with us, and genuinely the opposite when she opted to sit out the follow-up.

even the usually hyperbolic Twitter first reactions are tentative. normally I root for everything to be good but in this case a fiasco would be much more fun

I do like reading the Kathleen Kennedy cool-your-brakes stories, with Iger being all "full steam ahead!" and Kennedy being more cautious about the future of the franchise.

it's completely baffling to me that disney's approach to making the mainline star wars movies seems to be a one-at-a-time thing with no clear idea of an overarching three-movie plot at the outset

although i guess having an actual licence to print money means you don't need to worry about this stuff much

I’ll be going with my wife on Saturday (my son’s still too young to see a movie like this cold, without me pre-screening it... though I felt a little cruel mentioning that mommy and I are going to see the new Star Wars movie, lol)

xpost I'm not that baffled. If the last several years of franchise moviemaking have taught us anything it's that very few people seem to have the ability to do it with any real alacrity. Everyone else just seems to be flying by the seat of their pants and hoping for the best.

That’s how the first trilogy was made, yeah? Except with 3 years between films. Maybe they assumed lightning would strike twice.

yeah, you're right - just seems weird that you have marvel on one side of the disney operation organising a 23-film story with relatively few public hitches and over on the star wars side you've got regular eruptions of creative confusion

Even though he only directed the first, I gather that Lucas was still pretty heavily involved in the OG trilogy. As opposed to most franchises today which one assumes are largely shepherded by studio execs and marketing teams.

SW needs a Feige.

I really think The Force Awakens is better from feeling like it can stand on it's own, instead of feeling like it's just setting up a trilogy. But it really didn't set up a trilogy, lol. And yeah, with Solo being a setback for the standalone films, I'd quite honestly be more amused if this one 'failed' as well. (it's not going to fail, everyone is going to see it. I'll see it as well in the new year)

And yeah, as basically every other mega-franchise fails, it becomes more and more impressive/scary how Feige has been able to do it.

xxxp Not marketing teams (they just market), but yeah. There’s no “creative” like Lucas or even Feige guiding the whole thing.

I might not even see the new one but tbh the whole thing seems like Disney and co reacting to the discourse and working based on that to try to please the fans - people complained that TFA was too familiar so TLJ veered contrary; people complained even harder about that so they (apparently) veered back hard towards the familiar.

Not marketing teams (they just market)

I think you underestimate their reach and power.

it'd be interesting to know how much of the extremely online hate for the last jedi actually exists among regular moviegoers - presumably disney have reams of market research on that, and in terms of pure box office tfa made $2bn and tlj made a relatively paltry $1.3bn

I have to say I was also really baffled by Salo at first but I've come around to it. It's an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire. I'll be disappointed if Rise of Skywalker rows back from that. Maybe there's only room for one 'one for the dads' entry in the canon though?

xxp I worked at a studio for 15 yrs! They really don’t get involved in the filmmaking... they do generally choose the title, though.

At any rate, it's definitely a good thing if Disney is making $100 million movies based on the ever-shifting whims of the fans (or, rather, the most obnoxiously-vocal fans), that is absolutely the way to make big and expensive films.

Anyone who harbors genuine rancor for TLJ needs some genuine tragedy injected into their life, for serious.

'an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire' is definitely one way to describe salo but i dunno if that's a conversation we should be having in the star wars thread

I have to say I was also really baffled by Salo at first but I've come around to it. It's an uncompromising vision of life in the Empire.

It's certainly a bracing depiction, but I still have trouble watching the Stormtroopers forcing naked Rebels to eat spoonfuls of feces. Maybe that's just me.

Goddamn it, Scottish clone me. We really need to better coordinate our japery.

MORE 👏 REDUNDANT 👏 POSTS 👏

You won't like what happens to redundant posters under the Empire

Apparently there's a lot of fan service. Not shocked but meh.

But i am going to watch this with 12 year old eyes.

I'm skipping Morbid Angel to see this so better be good!