star wars 9 grim resignation thread

And, take it from me, it's pretty easy to just imagine that the jedi are constantly fucking their weapons whenever they're offscreen.

I'm sure Eliza has some good feedback on this, but I think "what fans want" runs the gamut from people who want a badass Luke Skywalker and don't care about books all the way to crazed people who think they should have adapted books written in the 90s verbatim for the new movies

my creative dream is to write a comic about superheroes set in the Maus universe

I assume it would be exactly like the existing Star Wars except now they're fleshlightsabers.

it wouldn't be the first time that star wars merch has been sex-toy-adjacent

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-VUqq51FmwZA%2FT587azgoLII%2FAAAAAAAAGUw%2FYI2IBvPN6ZY%2Fs1600%2FJarJarBinksTongue.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

tbh I should write some horrible fanfic and see if I can get some traction

there should be a Skywalker/not-dead Boba Fett showdown, obviously

I think the sort of fan who, with any degree of seriousness, proposes a 'let's take over this franchise when the installment which hasn't even been released yet inevitably disappoints us!' is the sort of fan who fundamentally resists change within said franchise and who might ideally restrict themselves to whatever portion of the franchise they love and accept but would rather project their frustration over things they can't control in their own life onto a gargantuan thing that they were never going to have any control over and pretend that their projected frustration is both legitimate and proportionate.

Lol bizarro.

Glad my work headset was muted when i saw that

the future is Solo twins sex fiction obv

Upon reflection, it occurs to me that the actions of both Lucas and Disney are somewhat responsible for giving overzealous fans the notion that this particular franchise can be redacted, remixed, slapped up, flipped and rubbed down according to one's whims with little respect for what came before. I mean you can't even watch the goddamn original cuts of the OG trilogy anywhere legitimate, fer chrissakes.

Resurrect Han Solo and have him travel around the galaxy abruptly shooting people.

I still find it hard to buy that Greedo didn't shoot first, maybe because rodians have permanent o-face.

Old Lunch otm. For all the talk about how the Star Wars fans are the most entitled fan group there is, I don't think it's often enough pointed out how awfully the franchise has been handled.

Let alone by the independently wealthy auteur himself, who had full creative control! The closest competition could be the Alien series, where after two masterpieces and a whole bunch of misfires or shit, the originator returns and ... makes equally bad if not worse sequels. (Though to be fair, at least they looked great, which is more than you can say for the prequels.)

*extremely prequel-defender voice* covenant is probably the third best alien movie imo

Damning with faint praise. "Covenant" is to the Alien series what Scott's "Hannibal" (the movie) was to the "Silence of the Lambs" series. Just because it's sort of aware of its overheated ridiculousness doesn't make it any smarter/better.

I just think Star Wars is kinda in a league of it's own, what with the endless tinkering of the original trilogy on top. So you have three beloved cultural milestones, but nobody can see the versions they remember. Then you have three universally hated prequels. And a sequel trilogy, which seems to have been unplanned and ricochetted back and forth between two creators with very different ideas. And some spinoffs, of which one was well liked, and one bombed. It's really impressive, actually.

Don't forget an expanded universe the volume of which, over the course of a couple decades, came to dwarf the amount of filmed material (largely released while the films were 'on a break') and which was mercilessly purged the moment Disney took the reins.

Can you imagine the Doctor Who peeps saying, 'yeah, all that shit people made while the show was on hiatus for years and years totally isn't canon anymore, way to waste your time and money nerds'

OMG, I'm slowly coming around to the unhealthy perspective of the obsessive SW fanbase.

TAKE BACK THE 'WARS

The Disney retcon of what is now the "Legends" EU stuff was harsh and overbearing, but I think it was coming one way or another if more movies were going to be made. That EU spun off so much material that it was going to be near impossible not to step on the toes of some part of the EU.

Of course, now seeing how myopic and tantrum-y the fanbase is anyway, not sure it matters.

Meaning some sort of reckoning with the timeline and EU was inevitable, I think. But they did minimize the EU in an awful way.

I'd like to see a series that takes place 100 years after the new movie, about a wandering Death Star that's trying to learn the lost art of planet destruction.

I have thought (not too hard) about the following angle -- what if Lucasfilm had made the new film series an actual reboot, not a continuation of the original story? The Force Awakens could have been refashioned into a straight-up reboot, with relatively few adjustments (remove Han & Chewie, chunks of the backstory, etc.). They could have started fresh and avoided the need to refashion the old continuity, and maybe it would have still been as successful. (I generally like the new movies, and I'm not saying this as a complaint... just a "thought experiment.")

Of course, they understandably would not have wanted to pass up the chance to work with the original actors, and conclude the OG characters' storylines, while the opportunity was still there.

This may have been mentioned upthread, but the irony of Star Wars fanboys almost, but not quite, grasping that they could make their own homage/pastiche of their beloved IP that is already a homage/pastiche of older stuff, is pretty rich

MACLUNKEY

Lucasfilm retconned a shitload of the stuff people complain about being gone yeeeears before Disney ever got their paws on anything

There's a bunch of material that came out after the prequels started to roll into theaters that has a foot in both the 90s expanded universe and the Lucas new-canon that's incredibly awkward

Incredibly awkward?! That doesn't sound like the Star Wars Expanded Universe that I know, sir.

It's insanely less awkward these days! I'm all in favor of the new canon! Long live Lucasfilm, a division of Disney, Inc!

If you want your brain to explode into goo, I took the ill-advised step of searching out a fan discussion from the 2000s era:
https://boards.theforce.net/threads/have-they-retconned-the-spaarti-cloning-cylinders.18432696/

I didn't understand a word of that but my counterpart Oold Luunch was reading over my shoulder and seemed to grok it.

back to the grim resignation for ep 9:

I'm enthusiastic about the scale implied by a huge fleet of star destroyers that's been unseen throughout the movies that seems to pop up. It's an idea that got thrown around in different forms in the fandom, but seeing a shitload of those suckers on screen is pretty awesome

I wanna see some 'opening scene of Spaceballs'-level commitment to the scale of such an endeavor. A good twelve minutes or so devoted to them slowly coasting into the scene.

Like hes hit upon the idea of it being possible for something other than star wars to exist but cant quite figure out how to articulate it from within his worldview of 'star wars is everything'. Kind of thrilling to read tbh, like someone trying to break out of the matrix

lol yes

Can you imagine the Doctor Who peeps saying, 'yeah, all that shit people made while the show was on hiatus for years and years totally isn't canon anymore, way to waste your time and money nerds'

"the Doctor Who peeps"' position is in fact the far more sensible "there is no canon and never was, even the TV show."

Except for once when an outside PR firm wrote a press release for some downloadable computer games saying that they were canon. As the games are no longer hosted by the BBC, I suppose they've been downgraded to Gnostic gospels.

Then you have three universally hated prequels.

LOL. I spend A LOT of time deep in the fandom, and this notion is . . . well, you should go to an SW con some time, is all I am saying. You would be quickly disabused of this alleged universality.

I mean, the number of late 20s - early 30s female fans out there who count Darth Maul and Padme Amidala among their favorite characters, and Revenge of the Sith as a top-2 or -3 entry, is substantial.

I refuse to grimly resign myself to that fact

Damning with faint praise. "Covenant" is to the Alien series what Scott's "Hannibal" (the movie) was to the "Silence of the Lambs" series. Just because it's sort of aware of its overheated ridiculousness doesn't make it any smarter/better.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, December 10, 2019 10:37 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

it's not smart! it's just very misanthropic in a way i find weirdly compelling

also features unforgettable scenes of android fingering

xp I don't know how old Fred is but there is a SERIOUS contingent of SW fans who were 5-10 years old when TPM came out, got taken to the prequels by their parents, and grew up loving them. To them, Ewan MacGregor IS Obi-Wan Kenobi.

yes! xp

wouldn't classify myself as a star wars "fan" but i love the prequels and i don't see a vast quality difference between them and the original trilogy

so that serious contingent of sw fans are otm

i dislike the prequels but my hot-take is that the phantom menace is the best movie of the 3. the second one is the worst. "I don't like the sand" my eye!

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to toe the party line but on the basis of having seen all of the post-ROTJ films precisely one time each, I have to admit that the prequels (or at least the latter two) were more entertaining and memorable than the newer sequels. Which is not, notably, a qualitative statement.

i've only seen the most recent of the new sequels (and solo) of the newer films and yes, phantom menace is better than those films

attack of the clones is sometimes my favorite bc of obi-wan's noirish clone factory investigation

I can never be mad at any movie that gave us that Ray Harryhausen monster-fight sequence.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/09/8d/9f/098d9fbd7f52436bb100744eff5eac7b.jpg

Cool i get to explain to my colleagues why I'm reading about fingering droids on company time good work all

the prequels are 10000x better than the force awakens but the last jedi is extremely tight y'all xp