star wars 9 grim resignation thread

Like, a creative citizens arrest?

There aren't many problems that can't be resolved with a fan fiction council, ime.

disney is famously forgiving of copyright infringement, i can't see what could possibly go wrong

Maybe SW should be and Choose Your Own Adventure

Unhealthy enthusiasm is nine-tenths of the law, iirc.

xpost Doesn't matter what you choose, all stories end with the death star exploding.

there are only three stories: man vs man, man vs death star, and death star vs death star

Man vs Death Star features Hulk Hogan cameo

Forget a cameo, if I were the producer of a franchise whose fanbase bitched this much, Hulk Hogan would be promoted to star in all forthcoming installments. Maybe even in multiple roles as if it were a mid-period Eddie Murphy joint.

for motivation Abrams had to tell Hulk to imagine the Death Star was Gawker

shit sorry I forgot the fourth story, hulk vs gawker

https://media1.tenor.com/images/373ed593a25afb96bad7bdad96ff1c29/tenor.gif

speaking of Old Lunch, here comes mine

[INT: DEATH STAR COMMAND DECK. GENERAL HUX and KYLO REN are watching a flickering holographic message from rebel leader HULK HOGAN]

HULK: lemme tell ya, brother, hulkamania is gonna be runnin' wild over the death star, just like i ran wild over bubba the love sponge's wife

oh god

that reddit post is great bc the poster is basically asking what if star wars fans made their own content that didnt contain star wars branded elements - "Disney doesnt own the rights to lasers, space, people using abilities, etc" - in other words, create original intellectual property. But their brain is so warped by 21st-century fandom that they cant quiiiite grasp the idea of content thats not from preexisting IP, so theyre like "what if star wars, but NOT star wars, it would be like, OTHER star wars, could we get in trouble for it being star wars?"

Like hes hit upon the idea of it being possible for something other than star wars to exist but cant quite figure out how to articulate it from within his worldview of 'star wars is everything'. Kind of thrilling to read tbh, like someone trying to break out of the matrix

even the reddit people mocking the OP cant conceive of the idea non-branded creativity: "Just because you don't like the Disney movies doesnt mean you can make your OWN movies! How spoiled of you!"

What's even the point of a story without droids or at least one jedi in it, and how would that even work, I don't, I can't (nose begins to freely bleed)

In a galaxy far, far up my own ass

at last, spaceballs 2: the search for more money

I think assuming the person wants a space fantasy that's similar to Star Wars but isn't Star Wars is a really generous read of the question

They really want their own cultivated fandom where they toss out a bunch of things, throw other stuff in from non-canon books, and then write new fanfic or create fan movies. I don't think they hit on something non-Star Wars, but just want a Star Wars that panders directly to their own ideas about what should happen

i ended up on some reddit thread about people's creative dreams and so many of them were to write or create a star wars comic or something in the marvel universe, etc

I'm kind of sympathetic to that? Starry-eyed kids wanting to do something they find cool.

On the other hand, the best fiction that takes place in some established property tends to come from people who made their bones coming up with original ideas and creating new stories who then take on some corporate work because it pays and they just happen to be a fan

I don't think they hit on something non-Star Wars, but just want a Star Wars that panders directly to their own ideas about what should happen

― a u.s. government department (mh), Tuesday, December 10, 2019 9:30 AM (twelve minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I assume it would be exactly like the existing Star Wars except now they're fleshlightsabers.

And, take it from me, it's pretty easy to just imagine that the jedi are constantly fucking their weapons whenever they're offscreen.

I'm sure Eliza has some good feedback on this, but I think "what fans want" runs the gamut from people who want a badass Luke Skywalker and don't care about books all the way to crazed people who think they should have adapted books written in the 90s verbatim for the new movies

my creative dream is to write a comic about superheroes set in the Maus universe

I assume it would be exactly like the existing Star Wars except now they're fleshlightsabers.

it wouldn't be the first time that star wars merch has been sex-toy-adjacent

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-VUqq51FmwZA%2FT587azgoLII%2FAAAAAAAAGUw%2FYI2IBvPN6ZY%2Fs1600%2FJarJarBinksTongue.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

tbh I should write some horrible fanfic and see if I can get some traction

there should be a Skywalker/not-dead Boba Fett showdown, obviously

I think the sort of fan who, with any degree of seriousness, proposes a 'let's take over this franchise when the installment which hasn't even been released yet inevitably disappoints us!' is the sort of fan who fundamentally resists change within said franchise and who might ideally restrict themselves to whatever portion of the franchise they love and accept but would rather project their frustration over things they can't control in their own life onto a gargantuan thing that they were never going to have any control over and pretend that their projected frustration is both legitimate and proportionate.

Lol bizarro.

Glad my work headset was muted when i saw that

the future is Solo twins sex fiction obv

Upon reflection, it occurs to me that the actions of both Lucas and Disney are somewhat responsible for giving overzealous fans the notion that this particular franchise can be redacted, remixed, slapped up, flipped and rubbed down according to one's whims with little respect for what came before. I mean you can't even watch the goddamn original cuts of the OG trilogy anywhere legitimate, fer chrissakes.

Resurrect Han Solo and have him travel around the galaxy abruptly shooting people.

I still find it hard to buy that Greedo didn't shoot first, maybe because rodians have permanent o-face.

Old Lunch otm. For all the talk about how the Star Wars fans are the most entitled fan group there is, I don't think it's often enough pointed out how awfully the franchise has been handled.

Let alone by the independently wealthy auteur himself, who had full creative control! The closest competition could be the Alien series, where after two masterpieces and a whole bunch of misfires or shit, the originator returns and ... makes equally bad if not worse sequels. (Though to be fair, at least they looked great, which is more than you can say for the prequels.)

*extremely prequel-defender voice* covenant is probably the third best alien movie imo

Damning with faint praise. "Covenant" is to the Alien series what Scott's "Hannibal" (the movie) was to the "Silence of the Lambs" series. Just because it's sort of aware of its overheated ridiculousness doesn't make it any smarter/better.

I just think Star Wars is kinda in a league of it's own, what with the endless tinkering of the original trilogy on top. So you have three beloved cultural milestones, but nobody can see the versions they remember. Then you have three universally hated prequels. And a sequel trilogy, which seems to have been unplanned and ricochetted back and forth between two creators with very different ideas. And some spinoffs, of which one was well liked, and one bombed. It's really impressive, actually.

Don't forget an expanded universe the volume of which, over the course of a couple decades, came to dwarf the amount of filmed material (largely released while the films were 'on a break') and which was mercilessly purged the moment Disney took the reins.

Can you imagine the Doctor Who peeps saying, 'yeah, all that shit people made while the show was on hiatus for years and years totally isn't canon anymore, way to waste your time and money nerds'

OMG, I'm slowly coming around to the unhealthy perspective of the obsessive SW fanbase.

TAKE BACK THE 'WARS

The Disney retcon of what is now the "Legends" EU stuff was harsh and overbearing, but I think it was coming one way or another if more movies were going to be made. That EU spun off so much material that it was going to be near impossible not to step on the toes of some part of the EU.

Of course, now seeing how myopic and tantrum-y the fanbase is anyway, not sure it matters.

Meaning some sort of reckoning with the timeline and EU was inevitable, I think. But they did minimize the EU in an awful way.

I'd like to see a series that takes place 100 years after the new movie, about a wandering Death Star that's trying to learn the lost art of planet destruction.

I have thought (not too hard) about the following angle -- what if Lucasfilm had made the new film series an actual reboot, not a continuation of the original story? The Force Awakens could have been refashioned into a straight-up reboot, with relatively few adjustments (remove Han & Chewie, chunks of the backstory, etc.). They could have started fresh and avoided the need to refashion the old continuity, and maybe it would have still been as successful. (I generally like the new movies, and I'm not saying this as a complaint... just a "thought experiment.")

Of course, they understandably would not have wanted to pass up the chance to work with the original actors, and conclude the OG characters' storylines, while the opportunity was still there.

This may have been mentioned upthread, but the irony of Star Wars fanboys almost, but not quite, grasping that they could make their own homage/pastiche of their beloved IP that is already a homage/pastiche of older stuff, is pretty rich

MACLUNKEY