those are rly good
― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 4 December 2019 04:43 (four years ago) link
Ah this isn't gay or anything, maybe it is? It isn't. Last week I was in my group chat and the dude who writes the lyrics for the band Fucked Up said he was sitting at Whole Foods feeling uninspired in his writing and I offered the following.
People think they're getting their foods... WHOLEOrganic produce won't give you a... SOULQuit your job, tell your boss to eat your... POLEThis is a tasty cinnamon... ROLL
When I'm shopping at Whole... FOODSThis yuppie scum can get awful... RUDEThey try to X me out with their atti... TUDEThe muffins, gotta say, they are pretty... GOOD
The salad buffet is the fuckin'... JAMBut I'm not gonna give my money to the... MANDinosaur kale and purple... YAMSI hide 'em in my pants, my crucial... SCAM
Uh oh, here come the organic... PIGSThey saw me lifting cheese and imported... FIGSI hit the ground running, when they zag, I... ZIGScored a fancy rider, on to the... GIG
Now I'm chowing down at the hardcore... SHOWFancy fucking lettuce and peas of... SNOWDip 'em in the hummus, that's how I... GOBen n Jerry's in the pit, flavour: cookie... DOUGH
Now Fucked Up dude and I have decided to write a kid's album called "Scams From The Grocery Store", like a beginner's guide to petty theft. Song titles include: "Free Food", "Every Day's Your Birthday", and "Toys R Yrs"
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 16:32 (four years ago) link
What If... Young Money invented rap?
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 16:35 (four years ago) link
Dinosaur kale and purple... YAMSI hide 'em in my pants, my crucial... SCAM
This is my favorite part.
― temporarily embarrassed thousandaire (Eric H.), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 16:48 (four years ago) link
Lol I wondered where that format subliminally came from
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 18:53 (four years ago) link
i just watched Bodied and the raps were better there
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 18:59 (four years ago) link
so like, i had a threesome with this guy the other week and he was gorgeous and then i had another threesome with him but like, i definitely couldn't perform bc i had the drogas in my system and i had already hooked up with someone else that nightand it was ... SO EMBARRASSINGand now i think HE BLOCKED ME ON GRINDR i'm mortified. MORTIFIED. anything you can say to help me feel better would be great. i mean... this was a level of depression so bad that i literally missed my flight back home for Thanksgiving and instead slept in my bed for two days. and now i haven't had sex in a week and i'm going to pull my hair out.
― surm, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 22:11 (four years ago) link
Oh surm Being blocked on Grindr is NO THING, happens to everybody. When I was in my post-breakup sex spiral, I had this totally hot couple hitting me up for a third, and they were abt to give me their address, and I was stepping into the shower, and then they asked me for a body pic and I sent them one, got out of the shower and... BLOCKED.
It’s not a judgement on your sexiness it’s just an effective way of expressing no-interest. Just think of all the people you see on the app where it’s a “no” and feel the same camaraderie and respect for those people— just no desire.
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 22:49 (four years ago) link
Right, right. Ugh. The first time we threed he asked me to hold him after. Whatevs. I'm not going to let it break me. Ffs.
― surm, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 23:50 (four years ago) link
Just remember the good one! That sounds really nice!
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 5 December 2019 02:31 (four years ago) link
love your posts surm and fgti
― Dan S, Thursday, 5 December 2019 02:39 (four years ago) link
I read about grindr like I do about new Tarantino films
things I will never experience
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 5 December 2019 03:14 (four years ago) link
How do you pull, Morbs?
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 5 December 2019 04:35 (four years ago) link
Oh by the way, noted homosexual documentarian Matt Wolf has just announced his forthcoming masterpiece today, which I proudly did the score for, I'm so fucking excited this movie is amazing
https://www.instagram.com/p/B5qjTJTljSk/
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 5 December 2019 04:37 (four years ago) link
i saw recorder! amazing and profound film
― J0rdan S., Thursday, 5 December 2019 05:04 (four years ago) link
Right? he's the best
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 5 December 2019 15:24 (four years ago) link
<3 Dan
i saw 4 boys this weekend i feel like i accomplished something
― surm, Monday, 9 December 2019 22:38 (four years ago) link
I have to tell u that I just got irrationally angry with a bad kisserLike he kept pointing his little tongue in my mouth. I wanted to slap him sillyAnd his breath was not goodI had to pretend I couldn't keep it up just to get him out of my apartment.
― surm, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 04:22 (four years ago) link
what's on deck for the weekend everyone
― surm, Thursday, 12 December 2019 21:58 (four years ago) link
a glogg party
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:16 (four years ago) link
is glogg eggnog?
― surm, Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:21 (four years ago) link
nope
mulled wine
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:21 (four years ago) link
YUM
― surm, Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:22 (four years ago) link
w/ extra ingredients
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:27 (four years ago) link
omg like what? acid?
― surm, Thursday, 12 December 2019 22:36 (four years ago) link
HI!
― surm, Monday, 16 December 2019 16:38 (four years ago) link
probably not this batch, surm. jim beam.
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Monday, 16 December 2019 17:37 (four years ago) link
ok i love both soi loved those ads with Mila Kunislike, i really started buying Jim Beam after thatso they worked!!!https://www.ispot.tv/ad/7Bsg/jim-beam-make-history-featuring-mila-kunis
― surm, Monday, 16 December 2019 17:59 (four years ago) link
hmmmmmm i've gained 20 lbs
― surm, Tuesday, 17 December 2019 19:31 (four years ago) link
My queer acts for the day:
(1) listening to Tyler's IGOR(2) looking at Shawn Mendes photos in bathing suits
― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 17 December 2019 19:35 (four years ago) link
he's really somethin' else isn't he?
― surm, Tuesday, 17 December 2019 19:39 (four years ago) link
well, yeah
https://img.srgcdn.com/e//RzY4QWVXMDhySzVZWlF2djlRaGkuanBn.jpg
― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 17 December 2019 19:42 (four years ago) link
who looks like that
― surm, Tuesday, 17 December 2019 20:13 (four years ago) link
Shawn Mendes.
― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 17 December 2019 20:15 (four years ago) link
I can subsist on one of his calves through 2045.
that's really fucked up the rest of us are trying to just sustain a semblance of an arm muscle and there's that out there in the world
― surm, Tuesday, 17 December 2019 20:17 (four years ago) link
I’m not! I’m skinny af these days and ok with it
I read an article about how music stans are bad, and I wanted to ask how many music writers had actually been stalked and had their lives threatened
But instead decided to chime in here and say there’s nothing really wrong with a world where you can a. get fucked in the ass and b. watch Star Wars after getting fucked in the ass
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 05:29 (four years ago) link
p sure I have never heard any sounds made by Shawn Mendes or many other hairless twinks
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 11:54 (four years ago) link
ok here's the thingi looked at myself in the mirror today and i was likei'm glad i gained 20 lbs kind of cuz i look kind of hot ALSOi haven't wanted to fuck hairless twinks lately...
― surm, Wednesday, 18 December 2019 15:38 (four years ago) link
Twinks are good for nothing irl and only good for one thing on the porn-consumption front (hint: it rhymes with luge Bilbo inversion diddy-ohs)
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 19:59 (four years ago) link
i thought you guys were talking sean mendes the director haha. i was like "wait the older guy in the back-right?". those people look insufferable to me tbh.
in the "photos of people i'd like to do immediately" category:
https://beatsinspace.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/juanmaclean2019.jpg
― ingredience (map), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 20:39 (four years ago) link
That's SAM "1917" Mendes, mappy
― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 20:59 (four years ago) link
i haven't gotten laid since Saturday
― surm, Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:10 (four years ago) link
omg so i've been toppingdid i tell you guys this
― surm, Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:15 (four years ago) link
it's really very interesting
what is interesting about it??
― ingredience (map), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:23 (four years ago) link
It is! You can pretend you're God, watching your lover, as Bette Midler said, from a distance.
― TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:24 (four years ago) link
i don't know how ppl really want it i guessyou know i'm into the other stuff i mean ppl get really into it, i do get off on the power trip thing i have tbh
― surm, Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:27 (four years ago) link
I think there's a biological desire for men to feel like they're being "useful" and topping (and topping well) satisfies that desire
― that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:29 (four years ago) link
lol that's a very interesting point and it's v true
― surm, Wednesday, 18 December 2019 21:36 (four years ago) link