no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Excellent. I think I've possibly started having hot flashes, so I might join you in that strange country soon, Branwell.

Also, my bf is getting a pre-nup because of his house and business assets, which are solely his, and not that I have any assets but I guess my 401k and stuff, too. No drama associated with it but then again we don't live together or jointly own anything.

Basically there's just a lot of variety of options and all of them are valid! There's not one way to combine your finances or w/e.

Wait IO you’re getting married??!!!??

I...hmmm. We are probably going to get legally wedded so that C can have health insurance, basically. I was holding out for the EU-country citizenship but it turns out you have to learn Polish and live in Poland for 3 years to even apply so that's probably a no-go.

Things we are not doing
* Living together
* Banking together
* Changing any names
* Changing anything
* Having a wedding
* Having anything...until maybe next summer? Probably in MI so look for the invitation in uh July I guess?

He had a possible cardiac thing a few weeks ago and it was really a wake-up call for both of us, I think. He won't go to the ER to get referred to a cardiologist because his annual deductible is $4k and no services are covered on his lowest level of ACA plan which still costs him over $300 a month. I'm not into sanctioned marriages by either church or state, but I also choose not to let my partner die because I don't like the system.

I have *never* been this scatterbrained before (except for the two years I spent on SSRIs) but this is my life now. I'm not *like* this. This isn't who I am. I'm a "fools rush in where angels fear to tread" who blurts stuff out without thinking about the consequences. Now I spend 2 hours weeping over hurting the feelings of a fork I dropped, and I can't even move a spoon without worrying how it will all go wrong. I want my "I don't care, just do the stupid thing" drive back.

I'm kinda dealing with this right now as well ... I think it might not be the SSRI but the anti-anxiety drug I take in addition to the SSRI? I feel way lazier than I used to. But ... I am way less irritable, angry, and neurotic about petty things and things that really aren't my problem or responsibility. So, overall, I feel like this is a positive change for me, but at least once a day I find myself saying, "what was I looking for again?" or "what did I come in here to do?" and it's a "wait, I am not that person! wtf!" But, it does make me realize what it is like to be someone who is "not like me" and I feel like it has given me more empathy and humility.

Xp - Love, your style! Happy for you to get exactly what you want. I’ve known >1 happy couple who don’t live together ❤️😀❤️😀❤️

I've known plenty of unhappy couples who do/did live together!!

Nahhh I wish you all the best, in orbit ... I realize I am celebrating almost exactly 10 years of being uncoupled. and it is also the bday of the shitty dude mentioned upthread.

Celebrate! I'm not mad! I wouldn't be getting legally married if I didn't have to! Not gonna lie, it's been giving me anxiety for MONTHS, possibly even years that I've been avoiding the issue. But I had to really confront some of my fears and...there was a moment when he called me from the car and said in a weird voice, "I don't feel good. I think my heart is bubbling and I can't really breathe."

....

Spoiler alert after a lot of discussion: It didn't really fit a heart attack but it was definitely something. To be determined.

eesh, fingers crossed all is ok, io.
I've been married 15 years and am just about thinking of getting a joint bank account, but would agree you need to be explicitly on the same page, APS.

congrats dudette! (also providing healthcare to a partner is a good enough reason to get married. I don't give a shit about marriage but at the same time I don't give a shit about it so I also don't give a shit about divorcing if I want to.)

yeah, prenups are very worthwhile to protect each party and set expectations even for oddest things. We do have one joint account to pay for joint bills, activities, trips, etc. and then we have our own separate accounts with our own money. We've lived together for long stretches of time and lived apart for long stretches of time, each of us has see-sawed in who makes more or less money and we on our own try to make everything even. The apt in ny is only in my name and the apt in chile is only in his name. Relationships are always evolving but we never have serious disagreements because we talk through everything and big decisions are mutual decisions. And it helps to really like each other personally.

In that other thread where I was talking about the couple of 10+ years who have completely separate finances, still venmo each other money for, like, buying takeout and are trying to buy their first house together, this would be totally fine except one has been complaining to me for 10+ years about being the only one buying toilet paper and dish soap and how the other one is stingy. Ugh. I told him he has to make peace with it or move on.

eep, best wishes to you + o/h, io

I don't think the plan is for a general joint account - at least, I hope it isn't! just for paying the mortgage out of, and maybe household bills (at the moment we've split the utility bills in a fairly arbitrary manner but I think it works out about even)

living apart sounds good but I do go a bit mad if I'm on my own in the evenings. maybe I want a "granny flat" so I can hide away or open the door and call it all the same living space depending on how I feel that day

to Branwell, way back: oh yeah, my paralysis extends to some quite mundane things too*, but that does sound extreme as a recent development, and all the more so if it's left you feeling not like you! hope the Dr helps

(* on at least one occasion I've spent so long trying to decide whether to eat something from the cupboard for lunch or to go to the shop and buy something more interesting that it's suddenly evening and too late to be having lunch at all - though these days it would do me good to forget to eat more often)

I'd love to be able to be with my bf but still live in my own place. I only really moved in with him because he lost his job and was about to be evicted and he has 2 kids, and I couldnt sit by and let that happen.

...4 years later its all kinda stuck like that now.

Congrats, well wishes, good luck, or whatever phrase best conveys friendly acknowledgement and positive vibes towards your news, in orbit!

I thought I was feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted. Sure enough, I have my period. HOW I wish I'd just go through menopause already!

LOL, the menopause is basically 2 full years of nonstop PMT.

I have literally tonight just started 2 different kinds of hormones. (I was supposed to start sooner after I saw the doctor, but she breezily said, "start on day 1 of your next period" and it's like LOL, menopause - who knows when that will be? Two weeks late, that's when.) I have no idea how this is going to affect me and I'm feeling deeply, deeply weird about it. (LOL, what if it turns me into a cis?)

I am not looking forward to the menopause -- I figure I've got at least 5 years -- partly because after the menopause is when all the cancers kick in.

I got a new gyno in a spanish speaking country so I have been having my spouse come with me to all my appts because I'm not sure I will be able to communicate well enough for what I need. So it's like, making sure he can relay that I have new painful rectal cramps when I have to poop during my period and new lower back pain during ovulation and my period. But then the gyno ended up having gone to school in Virginia and spoke perfect english which I found out while in stirrups. He still had to chaperone the transvag ultrasound and mammogram though. Anyway, fibroids!

Fibroids were the cause of my uterus eviction, which I which I'd done sooner. Like, when I was 16.

i started back on hormonal bc to hopefully get a grip on my pms issues
so far so good but it has only been like a week

i am through to the other side of menopause (it was not at all an easy transition, especially the chronic anxiety) and i think i’ve never felt better. i love it. it’s so underrated.

I think I may be perimenopausal, at least that is how I explain the fact that my brain is getting mushy.

The other day I was thinking "oh god I'd be so fucked if I had to do organic chemistry again!" then I'm like wait there is zero need for me to do organic chemistry again ever in my life, what does it matter.

how I explain the fact that my brain is getting mushy.
i looked at my grocery list today and it said "green beens"
it didn't occur to me to blame my hormones but maybe it's a sign i'm getting stale

my anti-anxiety meds make my brain mushier -- i had to change them last year (what I was on before did not have that effect). On the one hand, less anxiety, on the other, I actually can't remember what all the businesses were on the block of Grand Ave. between Broadway and Webster St. in 2001.

"oh god I'd be so fucked if I had to do organic chemistry again!"

I do remember about half dozen of my housemates in college expressing feelings of fucked-ness re organic chemistry, and they had fresh 20 year old brains!

q, i just did a search through this thread and did you manage to obtain pics of the uterus eviction when you had it done?

Oh damn I did not! I wish I had. Apparently the thing was the size of a 3 month pregnancy. Fibroid babbies.

I do have pictures of the inside of my left knee joint from recent arthroscopic surgery. The ortho pointed out "crab meat appearance" of some articular cartilage and damn if that was not the perfect descriptor.

https://sextile.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/ferrari-sex-life.jpg

...not that I'd know what to do if I had either...

(Do not read if you hate me. I've had alcohol for the first time in...several days, and I'm having all these...honest feelings. Also, I'm reminded of being an adolescent and imprinting on Charles Dana Gibson's more strong-jawed male characters. I can't even.)

HI DERE

HI!

hidere!

Sup!

👋🏻

Good afternoon.

As it happens, I was not only getting my period, but coming down with a cold. While I'm mostly physically recovered, mentally and emotionally I'm still depleted.

Schönen Tag aus Berlin!

Ja, ich bin jetzt deutsch.

Word, Roxy

I also have a cold, jlu. Feel better :(

I think I may be perimenopausal, at least that is how I explain the fact that my brain is getting mushy.

I'll be 46 this week. Divorce can certainly cause brain mushiness IME. It gets better with time. <3

Yeah. Sleep deprivation. I haven’t slept properly in two years. I fucking hate it.

i take drugs. sleep is great. I am a sleep evangelist.

i take antihistamine sleep-aids all the time now. not benadryl, the other one. store-brand unisom. like the 90s commercial said, it's non-habit forming! otherwise i'd be sleeping every other night like i used to.

I fall asleep very quickly but I also wake up super quickly, which kind of sucks. I started needing to wear an eyemask so I won't wake up with light. I also started keeping around melatonin this year.

Nobody ever tries to fix me up with anyone, and no one ever asks me "Why aren't you married/don't you have a boyfriend?" Does that mean the universe has mysteriously but indelibly marked me as an old maid?

My friend told me to stop contacting musician. I did. For an hour. Back to flirting. This is not gonna end well. Fuck this. Makes me feel crap and great at the same time.

J.Lu no guys messaging you? Facebook is like Tinder for me. Very weird. 🙄 I got three dick pics in about two weeks. Christ.

My friend told me to stop contacting musician. I did. For an hour. Back to flirting. This is not gonna end well. Fuck this. Makes me feel crap and great at the same time.

― nathom

my experience in such situations is that the "crap" considerably outlasts & outweighs the "great" :(

I know I know. :-(

xxpost Guys don't message me. I've never gotten a dick pic, unsolicited or otherwise. And in my current headspace, I'm convinced that this is another symptom of some mysterious mark of old maidishness.

(The more rational explanation is that I somehow maintain boundaries and self-respect of a nature that repels fuccbois. The problem is that I seem to also repulse the more decent and mature specimens of the gender.)