Innocuous things that make you irrationally embarrassed

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Q&As.

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Monday, 7 October 2019 08:44 (eleven months ago) link

"The most IE feeling of all time is definitely that moment when the haircut is finished and you have to look in the mirror and the give your judgment as the haircutter smiles at you in the mirror ― Sally Jessy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 19 September 2019 15:09 (two weeks ago)"

This happened to me, this very morning, so I can relate. Part of me wants to say something witty such as "not bad" or "you've done this before" or "you shaved a bit too much off the top hahaha!", or "does the girl come with the car?" but although hairdressers are probably more attuned to hip meme-style humour on account of being young and fashionable I suspect that I'm not as funny as I think I am. Why do I feel the need to get laughs? Fear, fear and weakness.

And resentment. As the years go by I empathise with Richard Nixon even more. The reason I had a haircut is because at 18:40 tonight I'm stepping on a flight to Hong Kong - I booked it months ago - and what could go wrong? If I say "not bad" I'm worried that the hairdresser will think I'm being sarcastic. If I say "you've done this before" they might also think I'm being sarcastic, when in fact I genuinely like the haircut, or at least I'm not actively displeased. I have a number four all over. It's binary, it's either short or not, it doesn't have a qualitative aspect.

If I say "you've shaved a bit too much off the top there" then yes it's a joke - I have a bald patch, ho ho - but they might think it's a genuine complaint, in which case they're probably going to say "that's because you have a bald patch", with "you prick" added at the end in a quiet voice.

To make things worse I didn't have any cash on me. I've emptied my wallet in anticipation of going to Hong Kong. I have an Octopus card but that's no use on this side of the world, so I had to nip around the corner to get some money out of the cashpoint. A long time ago that would have been embarrassing beyond belief but at my age all the nerve endings close to my skin have been ground away so I feel nothing.

Going to the hairdresser isn't really irrationally embarrassing though. Everybody is embarrassed. The entire process is designed to be awkward. Where I go you can't tell if it's full or not until you walk in - so I walk in, scan the bench, and then awkwardly turn around and walk out if it's too full, with all the people looking at me as if to say "is this place not good enough for you, you Tory? Are we beneath you?".

Also, when I'm sitting in the chair, with the towel over my body, does the hairdresser think I'm masturbating? I'm not, but at least one person in Wiltshire must get a sexual thrill from masturbating covertly whilst having a haircut. It's a rare opportunity to have a total stranger massage your head in an innocent setting. As a consequence I make a show of flicking the bits of hair onto the floor. So that it's obvious that my hands are doing something else. That's why.

Ashley Pomeroy, Monday, 7 October 2019 10:29 (eleven months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Reading a book in public that has just won a prize.

It’s completely dumb and I can only see it as based on some unpleasant attitudes. And yet..

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 20:12 (eleven months ago) link

what book?

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 20:15 (eleven months ago) link

Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 21:11 (eleven months ago) link

You might get some really smug looks from Tokarczuk diehards.

A related embarrasment: being caught reading a book that has the movie adaptation image as the front cover instead of the original innocuous cover.

Sam Weller, Wednesday, 23 October 2019 14:36 (eleven months ago) link

eheh good one !

AlXTC from Paris, Wednesday, 23 October 2019 15:05 (eleven months ago) link

"Yes and no, " says the colleague, beginning his 5-minute explanation of why yes AND no

at home in the alternate future, (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 5 November 2019 17:54 (ten months ago) link

it's not the saying of it that causes the awkward feeling, it's the reaction among me and other colleagues. i am conditioned to subtly emote a quiet "heh" or slightly audible movement of breath at the "yes and no" intro

at home in the alternate future, (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 5 November 2019 17:55 (ten months ago) link

When you're on a bus and the driver crawls forward three quarters of the way through an intersection but is stopped by traffic in front, blocking a pedestrian crossing and not being able to move anywhere, so as a passenger you feel embarrassed and guilty and sorry even though it has nothing to do with you

vanjie wail (qiqing), Tuesday, 5 November 2019 22:49 (ten months ago) link

Minutes silence

kraudive, Monday, 11 November 2019 11:02 (ten months ago) link

ordering the first round

June Pointer’s Valentine’s Day Secret Admirer Note Author (calstars), Monday, 11 November 2019 12:58 (ten months ago) link

I got caught in a minutes silence while on my way to a departure gate at Heathrow once, only the Brits were taking any notice of it so I tried to look foreign while actually observing the silence cos I wasn't feeling talkative anyway. The whole thing was an embarrassment for the entire airport tbh, esp since it was probably honouring the war dead who'd perished while bombing some of the passengers' ancestors.

Cornelius Fondue (Matt #2), Monday, 11 November 2019 13:07 (ten months ago) link

Minute (or more) silences in open plan offices or indeed major public spaces are excruciating and ridiculous.

nashwan, Monday, 11 November 2019 14:29 (ten months ago) link

Waiting to use the only hand dryer in a public toilet when I've finished washing my hands

lefal junglist platton (wtev), Friday, 15 November 2019 15:22 (ten months ago) link

And...drying your hands while someone waits.

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Friday, 15 November 2019 18:18 (ten months ago) link

Minute (or more) silences in open plan offices or indeed major public spaces are excruciating and ridiculous.

― nashwan, Monday, November 11, 2019 6:29 AM (four days ago) bookmarkflaglink

had a daft bastard of an ops manager once who, despite the fact that we were in a huge open plan office and the fact that no one was talking for once was extremely noticeable, tried to make a phone call to elsewhere in the office during the silence, then vocally bemoaned the colleague for not picking up. then ventured some sort of small talk to the group of us who were seated nearby, then was like "yous are awfy quiet". all this while people were giving him looks.

this didn't make me embarrassed mind you, thought it was fucking hilarious and was trying not to laugh

-_- (jim in vancouver), Friday, 15 November 2019 18:23 (ten months ago) link

I mean, in these situations it does become like a very tense game of sleeping lions

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Friday, 15 November 2019 18:25 (ten months ago) link

two weeks pass...

When a taxi shows up and you're standing outside your apartment building but it's not for you and the person that ordered it isn't ready and waiting

vanjie wail (qiqing), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 05:37 (nine months ago) link

i find getting taxis irrationally embarrassing altogether and only ever catch them at the behest of other people or if I've a serious amount of luggage and need to get somewhere quickly

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 14:27 (nine months ago) link

How about trying to get into what you think is your Lyft/Uber car but it's just someone's regular car

Josefa, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 14:35 (nine months ago) link

^^^ that’s legitimately rationally embarrassing

weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 14:46 (nine months ago) link

^^^ I have done this. Ironically the guy *was* an uber driver, but was not actually working then, just waiting to pick his wife up.

I was not his wife.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:01 (nine months ago) link

The new black cabs in London have a clearer rooftop sign that in bright sunny weather can look on when it isn't (as the orange LEDs reflect sunlight better than previous design) so a few months back I asked a driver in traffic if he could take me somewhere only for it to be pointed out there was indeed already a passenger in the back. I can just about tell the difference now.

nashwan, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:04 (nine months ago) link

How about trying to get into what you think is your Lyft/Uber car but it's just someone's regular car

A co-worker of mine did this in Dallas a few years ago.

We were all, "Chris, our driver is over here." He hopped out, saw what was up, and said to the civilian driver "I swear it was because you both have blue Toyota Camrys!"

And then, turning an awkward situation into something even more cringey, "...not because both of you are black!"

pplains, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:39 (nine months ago) link

i was waiting to meet someone in the detroit airport rideshare pickup area a few months ago and it was just chaos -- riders getting into the wrong cars, drivers blocking traffic to bellow peoples' names, etc. i was embarrassed for our culture

mookieproof, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:39 (nine months ago) link

there are just too many Toyota Camrys on the road, how am I supposed to know which is which

Josefa, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:44 (nine months ago) link

when my rail ticket fails to work the turnstyle barrier at height of rush hour

In space, pizza sends out for YOU (Ste), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:45 (nine months ago) link

er, turn STILE

In space, pizza sends out for YOU (Ste), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:46 (nine months ago) link

When I try to use my public transit card to access my work premises

calstars, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:47 (nine months ago) link

Is there a Rideshare pickup that truly works well? I haven't had issues at airports, but arenas/stadiums, experienced exactly what you described. Nobody able to find each other, thirty minute queues, pedestrians milling about aimlessly trying to find their driver, drivers giving up.

Took me 30 mins to find my driver after a friendly soccer match at Hard Rock Stadium. And after seeing Iron Maiden, had two drivers cancel on me, and as I started to get anxious about not getting back to my hotel, the third actually showed up (saw his license plate number matched). Put my hand on the door, and yet he sped away without letting me get in.

Drunkenly wrote an email to Uber saying OMG FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING DRIVER and finally got a driver to show up on 4th try

Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:48 (nine months ago) link

I always check the license plate against what Uber says it is as I'm afraid of accidentally car-jacking an innocent motorist

Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 15:48 (nine months ago) link

Double posting.

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 18:47 (nine months ago) link

one month passes...

When I’m waiting at a stoplight, ready to go straight, and the green arrow comes on and I jump the gun, mistaking it for the green light, and let off the brake for a split second, and then have to quickly stop and sit there like a schnook.

omar little, Friday, 24 January 2020 05:10 (eight months ago) link

Is there a Rideshare pickup that truly works well?


HAIL A CAB

El Tomboto, Friday, 24 January 2020 05:18 (eight months ago) link

That's cool if you live somewhere where that's easy.

Here, you usually have to call, they don't always show up, and they're mad expensive compared to rideshare

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 January 2020 05:20 (eight months ago) link

Also i was referring to the designated rideshare areas at stadiums/arenas, which are usually terrible

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 January 2020 05:22 (eight months ago) link

I used one at LaGuardia and they built a whole plaza with numbered spots and you get assigned a spot by the rideshare app. It worked great. It may be part of the new construction there?

There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Friday, 24 January 2020 14:55 (eight months ago) link

We have something similar at Orlando International that is fairly effective, though we only have a few numbered areas. But it works!

The scariest version of this was the Ninoy Aquino airport in Manila, Philippines. It's a free for all, a giant mass of people moving about, and locating vehicles often requires several phone calls

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 January 2020 14:58 (eight months ago) link

After being banished to a circle of hell for a couple of years, Lyft and Uber are now allowed once again to pick up directly at the terminal at Cleveland Hopkins. In the apps, there's a menu where you just put in what level and door you're at, and they pull right to the curb.

Pete Swine Cave (Eliza D.), Friday, 24 January 2020 15:03 (eight months ago) link

Yeah i like airports with that kind of setup. Orlando also used to prohibit pickups from the airport, until people screamed about it, as the rates for the cabs at the taxi stand are insane (unless you're going to one of the areas with a flat rate)

The last time I was in San Juan, I learned that Uber is legally allowed to transport both ways from the airport there, but it is advised against and many drivers refuse the fare. Was told the reason is cab drivers hate ride share for hurting their earnings and will physically attack the Uber drivers.

One business trip, I had to head back 30 minutes to the airport, and the cabs had just gone on strike an hour ago. The receptionist heard I was trying Uber and he told me to abort and he gave me a ride himself. Mega sweet man.

I can understand the cab drivers' anger given the current economic climate there.

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 January 2020 15:11 (eight months ago) link

When I’m waiting at a stoplight, ready to go straight, and the green arrow comes on and I jump the gun, mistaking it for the green light, and let off the brake for a split second, and then have to quickly stop and sit there like a schnook.

I do this almost every Saturday when I'm at a light that turns green first for the straight-ahead drivers and then for the left-turners like me. Usually it's the other way around.

pplains, Friday, 24 January 2020 18:44 (eight months ago) link

At least y'all realize it. I've been near t-boned by folks who did that,then keep going

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Friday, 24 January 2020 19:11 (eight months ago) link

Billie Eilish thread

circa1916, Thursday, 30 January 2020 05:44 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but that thing when someone gets on the train or bus wearing some costume or otherwise ridiculous outfit during an unexpected time of the year (i.e. not Halloween or something) and makes smirking eye contact with everyone else, individually in the hopes of getting some sort of reaction. I nearly die of second-hand embarrassment whenever I see this.

soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 9 March 2020 21:45 (six months ago) link

I saw a guy in a thrift store last week in full elf regalia. I didn't say anything.

nickn, Monday, 9 March 2020 21:49 (six months ago) link

I usually just scream HEY YO LOOK AT THE COSTUME MAN THAT'S QUITE THE COSTUME, A STRANGE AND UNUSUAL COSTUME, WELL DONE

until they feel uncomfortable and leave

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 9 March 2020 21:51 (six months ago) link

haha

soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 9 March 2020 21:52 (six months ago) link

I figured he's harmless, and probably happier than I am, so why piss on his fun.

nickn, Monday, 9 March 2020 21:52 (six months ago) link

my job in life is to remove all happiness

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 9 March 2020 21:53 (six months ago) link


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