your terrible ideas

oh my, i beg your permission to use that one this weekend with the beverage cart driver (a Canada goose)

xp it actually requires surgery to fix

idgi this sounds basically like miniature garf only bigger?

sounds to me like frisbee garf but with a ball

"Dressed...for the nines."

https://i.ibb.co/qrx4PNF/60-BA7-C78-36-FC-47-FA-9-C19-CF1-F68-AF10-C8.jpg

Start a rap career using the stage name Young MD. Wear scrubs and rap only about medical issues. Eventually form a rap supergroup with Young MA, Young MB*, and Young MC.

*Spotify bio: "Young MB started his career in rap primarily in the year 2017, mainly French rap. Before he saw rap as something that happened with friends soon enough, he found out that it was special and he wanted to share that with the world."

Also in the course of formulating this terrible idea I discovered that there is a rapper out there calling himself Young BM, which is a Terrible Idea.

A podcast on Web Assembly, called WASMgasm.

a remake of the TV series Gladiators, but everyone involved has to participate while wearing four inch high heels

An 18-track, 180 minute triple live drone album, where each track is a nearly identical 10-minute drone, except that as the drone fades in on the seventh track, there is a brief eruption of "Woooo!" and clapping, from the audience.

Thinking about gold foil on cakes: a dessert for rich folks that contains more in currency than you pay for the dessert. It will be considered to gauche to take any of the money.

https://www.businessinsider.com/2009/1/rich-people-still-eating-gold

The Emirates Palace hotel in Abu Dhabi reportedly served 11 pounds of edible gold to its guests in 2008, which could have cost as much as $500,000.

But they're not the only ones with a gilded tooth.

WSJ's Wealth Report blog: [T]he Russians are especially avid consumers of gold, and like to eat it with their caviar and oysters.

Plenty of U.S. restaurants serve up gold to those who like to wear their bling on the inside. A New York chef came up with a $1,000 bagel featuring white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves. An L.A. candy maker sells treats called Holiday Nougat, made with flakes of 23-karat edible gold leaf.

Stephen Bruce, owner of New York ice cream parlor Serendipity3 famously came up with the $25,000 Frozen Haute Chocolate sundae, covered in 23K edible gold-infused whipped cream.

I’m thinking a cake served on a bed of £50 notes.

Jokes on them, it only costs me a couple of bucks to munch on a shaker-full of metallic jimmies. Or hell, just walk around with a mouthful of pennies if I want a quick fix of that scrumptious metal flavor that human taste buds are primed to enjoy.

An a cappella group that performs only glitch tracks adapted for the human voice. The glitchier and more abstract the better.

(Countdown to someone telling me that The Autechrephonics have been a top draw at Michigan State for the past half decade.)

I'm only aware of two vocal covers of autechre tracks and they're both compiled from samples rather than sung live, so afaik you're good.

nicotine pez

The Emirates Palace hotel in Abu Dhabi reportedly served 11 pounds of edible gold to its guests in 2008, which could have cost as much as $500,000.

feel like a motivated plumber with a terrible idea could make some bank here

impossible gazelle. a meatless full sized gazelle you eat directly with your face.

Does it matter which part of my face

Beyond Face. a meatless face made primarily of pea-protein

Creating an @ILX0R twitter account and posting the password for it on here, so everyone can use it.

better than posting the password would be building an integration into the forum software that'd let us all post to it, with like an extra box under the comment box

Even better would be an amendment to the forum software that automatically tweets every non-77 post, because anyone anywhere on the internet can see it on ILX anyway, right? Right???

lol didn't lag∞n make a blog that was populated by people posting to a thread at one point? we could do that, but twitter

he did it was cool

He did and it was a work of art.

I remember being rude and breaking it. What was I thinking?

https://twitter.com/ilxor_txt

everyone should be able to read everyone else's email at work

escape room brunch

a dramatic reading of http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/12/a-conversation-with-rudy-giuliani-over-bloody-marys.html , but after every paragraph, a voice from the heavens intones "rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states", followed by a gong

And then there’s the Southern District of New York, the biggest betrayal of all. That was supposed to be his world, full of his guys; he ran the office for most of the ’80s. It was unrecognizable now. “If they’re investigating me, they’re assholes. They’re absolutely assholes if they’re investigating me,” he said.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

As he spoke, he fixed his gaze straight ahead, rarely turning to make eye contact. When his mouth closed, saliva leaked from the corner and crawled down his face through the valley of a wrinkle. He didn’t notice, and it fell onto his sweater.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

“If they are, they’re idiots,” he went on. “Then they really are a Trump-deranged bunch of silly New York liberals.” He added that he didn’t know for sure if he was being investigated at all, though subpoenas issued to Giuliani associates by the SDNY reportedly request documents and correspondence related to Giuliani, his firm, and, specifically, “any actual or potential payment” to or from Giuliani.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

etc

A version of The Incredible Journey but it's a group of cats walking to the nearest big town to sneak into a cinema to watch the movie Cats.

a "DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD" thread where you post your preliminary post with more words before finally posting the more palatable and trimmed down version of the post in the intended thread. For example:

in another thread:

Great post, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:10 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

in DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD:

Great post for me to poop on, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:05 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

the thread would be popular because the title is all caps, and you're forced to cross-reference every other thread, looking for hidden insults.

experiments in metaposting
I like it

Off topic because this is a good idea not bad

Signed, person who routinely drafts 250-word posts in Notepad, realizes they are untenable, but lacks the time or energy to boil them down to pithy gems of concision

I tried to do that once with a spoiler thread.

imagine reading that tramp stamp out loud while *in situ*

A tomato doughnut - like a jam doughnut, but instead of jam inside there's tomato ketchup.

I’d try it.

I just remembered that Tesco already sell these:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bsqdb5SIUAAdsOl.png
...also available in Smoky Bacon and Turkey & Stuffing flavours.

BRB phoning Tesco head office...
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PQtVGomeYn4/VYm3ZtohIrI/AAAAAAAAC1Y/2t-8y09Xx9U/s640/blogger-image--2024474193.jpg

dear lord
pretty sure I had a curry ish version of this in Tokyo once. Not what I was expecting.

every time you post, you get a pop-up that asks if you want to be entered into a random sweepstakes. you can say "no", but if you say yes, you're entered into a monthly contest, and the main prize is that you gain the ability to create a new secret board. There are also 'whammy' gifts like having your nickname changed to Becky Lucas for a month, having all of your posts converted to WingDings, have a chemical truck ran through your house....

A sitcom set in an abattoir. The workers go through typical sitcom storylines while industrial massacre takes place around them.

A mandatory set of glove-like grips on all steering wheels into which you must slip the fingers of at least one hand while driving on an interstate. An attendant monitoring system allows you to tap your brake a total of...let's say three times before the precision blades inside the steering wheel engage and the fingers start coming off. Perhaps the grips can be modified to respond to a variety of dickhole automotive moves but this is all they're programmed for atm.

(NB: I only think this idea is terrible because of the mutilation involved. And even so I don't actually think it's all that terrible.)

xxxp I can confirm that Kanazawa is the home of the curry doughnut. I lacked the courage alas.

Litterbox’d, a site where users only review the movie version of Cats