your terrible ideas

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Superbone

The Superbone is a hybrid trombone. It has the slide mechanism of a standard trombone and the valve mechanism of a valve trombone.

I should open a shop that sells these, and call it The Superbone Zone.

just another country (snoball), Saturday, 28 September 2019 22:58 (three months ago) link

olol

take me to The Superbone Zone

davey, Sunday, 29 September 2019 02:08 (three months ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/AHtBLp8.gif

pplains, Sunday, 29 September 2019 02:26 (three months ago) link

over the superbone zone, the booblight hovers

Sally Jessy (Karl Malone), Sunday, 29 September 2019 04:31 (three months ago) link

a different version of golf called "garf." the rules of garf are exactly the same as those of golf, but a much stricter dress code is enforced in all club houses and courses. absolutely no casual wear shall be permitted. the garf itself is playacted in a public park or other open space.

Tart Prepper (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 30 September 2019 02:54 (three months ago) link

Jazz Garf in the Park

Sally Jessy (Karl Malone), Monday, 30 September 2019 03:44 (three months ago) link

I really need a more thorough explanation of garf

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Monday, 30 September 2019 16:34 (three months ago) link

the world according to

all over bar the shouting (im here for the shouting) (darraghmac), Monday, 30 September 2019 16:37 (three months ago) link

look, i could try to sell you on garf in this thread all day. but i think it's best we just put on kilts, don our paddy caps, lace up our cleats, grab a club (fallen tree branch), and get garfing. once you make your first solid contact with a garf ball (it is imaginary), you'll be hooked. I shot a miserable 98 this weekend and missed my son's birthday while doing so. the damn garf ball was attracted to hazards (innocent people in the park). but i'd be out there again today if not for this damned desk job (i'd rather be garfing).

Tart Prepper (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:01 (three months ago) link

once you make your first solid contact with a garf ball (it is imaginary), you'll be hooked

which you can get lessons to fix

all over bar the shouting (im here for the shouting) (darraghmac), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:08 (three months ago) link

oh my, i beg your permission to use that one this weekend with the beverage cart driver (a Canada goose)

Tart Prepper (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:14 (three months ago) link

xp it actually requires surgery to fix

It is my great honor to post on this messageboard! (Karl Malone), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:19 (three months ago) link

idgi this sounds basically like miniature garf only bigger?

The Ravishing of ROFL Stein (Hadrian VIII), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:47 (three months ago) link

sounds to me like frisbee garf but with a ball

Instant Carmax (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 30 September 2019 17:48 (three months ago) link

"Dressed...for the nines."

weatheringdaleson, Monday, 30 September 2019 17:55 (three months ago) link

Start a rap career using the stage name Young MD. Wear scrubs and rap only about medical issues. Eventually form a rap supergroup with Young MA, Young MB*, and Young MC.

*Spotify bio: "Young MB started his career in rap primarily in the year 2017, mainly French rap. Before he saw rap as something that happened with friends soon enough, he found out that it was special and he wanted to share that with the world."

Also in the course of formulating this terrible idea I discovered that there is a rapper out there calling himself Young BM, which is a Terrible Idea.

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 07:23 (three months ago) link

three weeks pass...

A podcast on Web Assembly, called WASMgasm.

just another country (snoball), Sunday, 3 November 2019 20:12 (two months ago) link

a remake of the TV series Gladiators, but everyone involved has to participate while wearing four inch high heels

boxedjoy, Monday, 4 November 2019 09:13 (two months ago) link

An 18-track, 180 minute triple live drone album, where each track is a nearly identical 10-minute drone, except that as the drone fades in on the seventh track, there is a brief eruption of "Woooo!" and clapping, from the audience.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 7 November 2019 15:05 (two months ago) link

Thinking about gold foil on cakes: a dessert for rich folks that contains more in currency than you pay for the dessert. It will be considered to gauche to take any of the money.

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 19:42 (two months ago) link

https://www.businessinsider.com/2009/1/rich-people-still-eating-gold

The Emirates Palace hotel in Abu Dhabi reportedly served 11 pounds of edible gold to its guests in 2008, which could have cost as much as $500,000.

But they're not the only ones with a gilded tooth.

WSJ's Wealth Report blog: [T]he Russians are especially avid consumers of gold, and like to eat it with their caviar and oysters.

Plenty of U.S. restaurants serve up gold to those who like to wear their bling on the inside. A New York chef came up with a $1,000 bagel featuring white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves. An L.A. candy maker sells treats called Holiday Nougat, made with flakes of 23-karat edible gold leaf.

Stephen Bruce, owner of New York ice cream parlor Serendipity3 famously came up with the $25,000 Frozen Haute Chocolate sundae, covered in 23K edible gold-infused whipped cream.

Peaceful Warrior I Poser (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:00 (two months ago) link

I’m thinking a cake served on a bed of £50 notes.

Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:04 (two months ago) link

Jokes on them, it only costs me a couple of bucks to munch on a shaker-full of metallic jimmies. Or hell, just walk around with a mouthful of pennies if I want a quick fix of that scrumptious metal flavor that human taste buds are primed to enjoy.

Yul, Tied: A Celebration of Brynner in Bondage (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:07 (two months ago) link

An a cappella group that performs only glitch tracks adapted for the human voice. The glitchier and more abstract the better.

Yul, Tied: A Celebration of Brynner in Bondage (Old Lunch), Thursday, 14 November 2019 13:55 (two months ago) link

(Countdown to someone telling me that The Autechrephonics have been a top draw at Michigan State for the past half decade.)

Yul, Tied: A Celebration of Brynner in Bondage (Old Lunch), Thursday, 14 November 2019 13:58 (two months ago) link

I'm only aware of two vocal covers of autechre tracks and they're both compiled from samples rather than sung live, so afaik you're good.

The Pingularity (ledge), Thursday, 14 November 2019 14:07 (two months ago) link

nicotine pez

mh, Thursday, 14 November 2019 16:14 (two months ago) link

The Emirates Palace hotel in Abu Dhabi reportedly served 11 pounds of edible gold to its guests in 2008, which could have cost as much as $500,000.

feel like a motivated plumber with a terrible idea could make some bank here

actor Robert de Niro disguised as an Uzbek homeopath (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 14 November 2019 16:21 (two months ago) link

impossible gazelle. a meatless full sized gazelle you eat directly with your face.

$1,000,000 or 1 bag of honeycrisp apples (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 23 November 2019 03:52 (one month ago) link

Does it matter which part of my face

War Crimes Tribunal of the Network Stars (Old Lunch), Saturday, 23 November 2019 04:49 (one month ago) link

Beyond Face. a meatless face made primarily of pea-protein

Suggest Banshee (Hadrian VIII), Saturday, 23 November 2019 05:05 (one month ago) link

Creating an @ILX0R twitter account and posting the password for it on here, so everyone can use it.

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 21:29 (one month ago) link

better than posting the password would be building an integration into the forum software that'd let us all post to it, with like an extra box under the comment box

Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 21:51 (one month ago) link

Even better would be an amendment to the forum software that automatically tweets every non-77 post, because anyone anywhere on the internet can see it on ILX anyway, right? Right???

just another country (snoball), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 22:02 (one month ago) link

lol didn't lag∞n make a blog that was populated by people posting to a thread at one point? we could do that, but twitter

mh, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 22:46 (one month ago) link

he did it was cool

Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 22:46 (one month ago) link

He did and it was a work of art.

Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 22:49 (one month ago) link

I remember being rude and breaking it. What was I thinking?

mh, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 22:56 (one month ago) link

https://twitter.com/ilxor_txt

pplains, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 01:42 (one month ago) link

everyone should be able to read everyone else's email at work

Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 00:15 (one month ago) link

escape room brunch

$1,000,000 or 1 bag of honeycrisp apples (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 22 December 2019 16:39 (one month ago) link

a dramatic reading of http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/12/a-conversation-with-rudy-giuliani-over-bloody-marys.html , but after every paragraph, a voice from the heavens intones "rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states", followed by a gong

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Monday, 23 December 2019 21:22 (four weeks ago) link

And then there’s the Southern District of New York, the biggest betrayal of all. That was supposed to be his world, full of his guys; he ran the office for most of the ’80s. It was unrecognizable now. “If they’re investigating me, they’re assholes. They’re absolutely assholes if they’re investigating me,” he said.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

As he spoke, he fixed his gaze straight ahead, rarely turning to make eye contact. When his mouth closed, saliva leaked from the corner and crawled down his face through the valley of a wrinkle. He didn’t notice, and it fell onto his sweater.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

“If they are, they’re idiots,” he went on. “Then they really are a Trump-deranged bunch of silly New York liberals.” He added that he didn’t know for sure if he was being investigated at all, though subpoenas issued to Giuliani associates by the SDNY reportedly request documents and correspondence related to Giuliani, his firm, and, specifically, “any actual or potential payment” to or from Giuliani.

"rudolph giuliani is the unpaid personal attorney of the president of the united states"
*goooooooooooooong*

etc

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Monday, 23 December 2019 21:25 (four weeks ago) link

A version of The Incredible Journey but it's a group of cats walking to the nearest big town to sneak into a cinema to watch the movie Cats.

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 24 December 2019 22:10 (four weeks ago) link

a "DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD" thread where you post your preliminary post with more words before finally posting the more palatable and trimmed down version of the post in the intended thread. For example:

in another thread:


Great post, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:10 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

in DECANT YOUR POSTS IN THIS THREAD:


Great post for me to poop on, miniwheat!

― (Danielle Steel), Tuesday, December 24, 2019 2:05 PM (one week ago) bookmark flag link

the thread would be popular because the title is all caps, and you're forced to cross-reference every other thread, looking for hidden insults.

Robert Corwen (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 2 January 2020 21:51 (two weeks ago) link

experiments in metaposting
I like it

babu frik fan account (mh), Thursday, 2 January 2020 22:00 (two weeks ago) link

Off topic because this is a good idea not bad

Signed, person who routinely drafts 250-word posts in Notepad, realizes they are untenable, but lacks the time or energy to boil them down to pithy gems of concision

Yeets don't fail me now (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 2 January 2020 22:11 (two weeks ago) link

I tried to do that once with a spoiler thread.

pplains, Friday, 3 January 2020 04:14 (two weeks ago) link

imagine reading that tramp stamp out loud while *in situ*

Sassy Boutonnière (ledriver), Saturday, 4 January 2020 05:51 (two weeks ago) link


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