The September 2019 US Politics Thread is great Great GREAT GR8

Yeah, the transcript may be heavily modified or doctored, but still is so doing extremely bad for Trump and team.

Transcript released: Transcript of Trump’s call with Ukrainian president shows him offering U.S. assistance for Biden investigation

lol it's better than I'd hoped:

Mr. Trump specifically asked his Ukrainian counterpart to “do us a favor” by looking into an unsubstantiated theory pushed by Mr. Giuliani holding that Ukrainians had some role in the emails stolen from the Democratic National Committee.

“I would like to have the attorney general call you or your people and I would like you to get to the bottom of that,” Mr. Trump said on the call, also referencing Robert S. Mueller III, the special counsel who investigated Russia’s election sabotage. “Whatever you can do, it’s very important that you do it, if that’s possible.”

and emoluments violation!

But until Wednesday, lawmakers had not yet seen the transcript, which documents the 30-minute call and includes banter about Mr. Zelensky staying at the Trump Hotel

and dick sizes!

and the two men comparing which of their airplanes is better.

Lolololol

loool he thought this would help? this guys is so fucking stupid

Can they recall this transcript and do a new one? I think maybe their big black sharpie might be busted.

Holy shit, the guy is so predictably myopic and stupid he asks for help finding Clinton's email server! This guy is like if Jacob Wohl were president.

Except that Wohl finally got some comeuppance.

yeah but don't worry!

I've read the transcript. That's it? No, I actually don't think it is that bad. Seriously. I was expecting a lot more.

— Erick Erickson (@EWErickson) September 25, 2019

uh oh

Several Senate Republicans I've spoken with in the last hour are stunned that the WH is releasing this transcript. They do not think it helps the president's cause. And they expect today's Senate GOP lunch to be quite the get-together.

— Robert Costa (@costareports) September 25, 2019

And this isn't even a formal transcript, so if this is what they released ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqbEsS5kFb8

It's ok everyone, I just learned that crimes are good

lol inevitably media is calling this a "transcript." File under: dossier, collusion, etc., as words that muddy the debate.

the president is a globalist when it comes to doing crimes

Waiting for the day, surely not far away, when Trump starts attacking himself on Twitter.

that's funky as hell doc casino, never heard!

Oh by the way, Bill Barr lied to Congress

It's also big that two intelligence officials apparently flagged this shit for potential criminal inquiry, and (I believe just last week) DoJ declined to prosecute. Hmm, I wonder why Barr declined to do so?

The biggest clue that the Ukraine conversation has been condensed is on the first page: It's a 30 min convo that's been conveyed in just five pages. pic.twitter.com/Ge2WDMJzEv

— Annie Linskey (@AnnieLinskey) September 25, 2019

lmao this is exactly what Don Jr. did 2 years ago but somehow even worse

and he thinks the Hillary server is in Ukraine lol this guy is the best

We live in the world of Who Knows? but this guy is so stupid and crooked and incompetent he puts Nixon to shame.

The President: Good because I heard you had a prosecutor who was very good and he was shut down and that's really unfair. A lot of people are talking about that, the way they shut your very good prosecutor down and you had some very bad people involved. Mr. Giuliani is a highly respected man. He was the mayor of New York City, a great mayor...

just reached the end of pg 3 and i can't stop laughing

A lot of people.

that Honey Drippers record is among the most sampled ever

Will the Democrats apologize after seeing what was said on the call with the Ukrainian President? They should, a perfect call - got them by surprise!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 25, 2019

Was just thinking of how many conversations between Trump and foreign leaders probably went just like this one.

OK, next month's thread has to have "got them by surprise" in the title.

Grifter gets a 10.0 in the Phone Call Olympics

What is this brain disease where you are so fundamentally incapable of not trolling that you ultimately troll the everliving fuck out of even yourself? Do I have to wait for the DSM-VI to find out?

pic.twitter.com/KOjhjB8OEL

— MB (@mbd1006) September 25, 2019

I like how Trump kind of puttered out with that Crowdstrike stuff, as if he didn't have the energy to explain his conspiracy theory to someone else

Trump reminds me of the scene in "Bottle Rocket" where they're about to do their dumb robbery, and Owen Wilson suggests they put Band-Aids on their noses.

"Why are we putting Band-Aids on our noses?"

"Exactly!"

Just fucking lmao that this is the sanitized version that’s supposed to make him look good

what a great week for the full spectrum of bipartisan hacks

A good day to pause and cherish the memory of better times. pic.twitter.com/kiKmQcktpa

— Valerie Jarrett (@ValerieJarrett) September 25, 2019

The biggest clue that the Ukraine conversation has been condensed is on the first page: It's a 30 min convo that's been conveyed in just five pages.

it's this kind of stuff that i particularly dread. this instant need to come up with a hot take that no one has thought of. there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes. they could have spent the first 10 minutes of the call waiting for trump to finish a meeting in a different room, for example. there could have been frequent interruptions to the call ("mr. president, we just got word that you're about to be impeached because you're a criminal", for example). it's just like aaaaaaaaagggggh no, why does someone always go down these roads

I told you, they were waiting for him to take a shit.

Zelensky: “I would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense...” (That’s the military aid.)
Trump’s next line: “I would like you to do us a favor though...”

— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) September 25, 2019

I can't believe he released an incriminating transcript and thought doing that would help avoid impeachment. Actually I can.

Also, this is probably the only time Biden's been good for anything.

#NOTATRANSCRIPT trending

*a giant floating alien ship appears out of nowhere and loudly deploys a bunch of laser beams pointed at all women and children*

Tweet: "...anyone think it's weird that this giant spotless ship has a dusty patch on the back of it? i could see the bottom of the ship, but very suspicious that the dust is on the back. something to watch?"

Zelensky with two Ys in the shamscript invalidates the whole thing as evidence sorry.

there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes

trump might have been xanned out of his mind and taking forever to roll each word around his mouth like he was at the un, for example

"As you saw yesterday, that whole nonsense ended with a very poor performance by a man named Robert Mueller, an incompetent performance"

love that they left this in

Also, this is probably the only time Biden's been good for anything.

if we must sacrifice the candidacy of joe biden on the altar of impeachment then so be it, thx for yr service joe

it's this kind of stuff that i particularly dread. this instant need to come up with a hot take that no one has thought of. there are lots of reasons that call could have taken 30 minutes.

iirc Ze doesn't take official calls in English so i can imagine there was a very confused translator acting as an intermediary.

Kevin McCarthy outright lying and saying the document doesn't mention Biden

Remember this? https://t.co/Y4iDLbZAAi

— Asha Rangappa (@AshaRangappa_) September 25, 2019

President-in-waiting Mike Pence is pleased.