OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Elsewhere, she’s gloriously despondent. “Fresh out of fucks forever,” she sings on the prodigious “Venice Bitch” song. “Ice cream, ice queen, I dream in jeans and leather.”

I don't think this writer knows the definitions of the words he is using.

Thesaurus.com got a lot of clicks that night

Looks like that guy usually only writes about art

Does the writer give any specific examples of how one of the "crushing instrumentals" aids the "complex satire of American neediness" or is that just one of those things people say when they mean "I like to get high and listen to this record and I hate Trump"?

speaking of "crushing instrumentals" I would like both Lana Del Rey and Deafheaven more if she was their lead singer

she doesn't have the range

If my toddler recited The Bell Jar, I'd put it in an oven.

Alfred, Edgelord Sotosyn

I would like Lana Del Rey more if she'd named her album Norman Fucking Podhoretz

why speak ill of the dead when MSNBC employs his chickenshit son?

I'm all out of fucks and feeling really low

if my toddler recited passages from the bell jar i'd be like - this slaps

in all the wrong places :(

that toddler sounds brilliant

but not Joan Didion brilliant. Let's calm down.

Slouching Towards Bedtime

This review of the new Neil Young album is kind of glorious. First, we get this opening paragraph:

‘Colorado’ is Neil Young’s 39th album. Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. He’s reached that point in his career where very few people have constructed as large a catalogue, while delivering a consistent level of quality.

"A consistent level of quality"? Are we still talking about Neil Young here?

That line gets even better when you hit paragraph 9 (of 10):

The return of Lofgren is inspired and Crazy Horse sound better than they have since 'Greendale' in 2003. The guitars feel tighter and have more bite. Young sounds invigorated but comfortable. In all fairness ‘Colorado’ isn’t going to join the pantheon of classic Neil Young albums, but few of his recent releases will, 'Le Noise' being the last that came close, but ‘Colorado’ is still a very good album.

What happened to that "consistent level of quality"?

I've never heard of this site.

UK music title founded -- with a bit of noise, posters all over London and presumably elsewhere -- in 2004. I'm always startled to discover it still persists, and I think it is too.

I dunno the writer says 'Colorado is still a very good album. 'Good' has something to do with quality iirc

https://ktla.com/2019/10/26/kurt-cobains-green-cardigan-from-unplugged-performance-sells-for-record-breaking-334k/

“The cardigan has never been washed since the concert and has all the original stains, too, so the new owner is sure to smell a lot like teen spirit.”

does the writer know what teen spirit is?

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-lists/the-50-most-important-music-moments-of-the-decade-912772

Sure looks like a promising article but, alas, every time I try to scroll down to the content or load any of the tabs my browser crashes or even more frustratingly, it says “Safari encountered a problem with the page and had to restart” and reloads, repeating the error all over again. Even if I click on the three bars in the address bar and put it into Safari’s “Reading Mode” it will only load the intro paragraph. Worst piece of music writing ever? It’s literally unreadable.

That's usually my experience with Rolling Stone's web interface.

ad blocker problem, maybe?

I've run into that problem on Gannett-owned publications. There's some sort of garbage that tries to reload the page when ads don't load, and it ends up crashing out

if it makes you feel better, it's not an interesting article, unless you're intrigued by deep thoughts like "Future unseats his own Number One with another Number One" or "What to do with R. Kelly and XXXTentacion?"

noted blues metal band Deicide

― Neanderthal, Saturday, June 7, 2014 9:39 AM bookmarkflaglink

Well I'm a lunatic of God's creation - and my baby she done gone
Well I'm a lunatic of God's creation - and my baby she done gone
But when she meets that caco-daemon, that woman gonna find herself dead by dawn

― Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Saturday, June 7, 2014 11:22 AM bookmarkflaglink

goddamnit lmao

https://thecritic.co.uk/issues/january-2020/the-year-the-music-died/

i think this truly may be a contender for the title

Lennon’s killing, though it said everything about the morbid psychology of fandom, said nothing about music because Lennon, by his own heroin-addled efforts, had made no significant music since the break-up of the Beatles.

https://media.tenor.com/images/fdc05dd7f127e6102955c1c62f1c9650/tenor.gif

playing on his talented wife's records doesn't count

I think its a fun mental exercise/argument starter to pinpoint where rock ended a certain progression of ideals, but to end it before American hardcore is wack

"Pay to Cum" 7" was June 1980, so at least give it that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thnb3UlH2zE

so many statements on artistic intent or lyrics (“phony Beatlemania” in London Calling) that are just interpreted lazily in a way to make the writer’s thesis work out

bret stephens, rock critic:

Most pop songs are about love. Most heavy metal songs are about sex. Most country music seems to be about hard knocks and heartbreak.

nytimes.com/2020/01/13/opinion/neil-peart-rush.html

country songs: about 501s and heartbreaks

oops, better link:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/13/opinion/neil-peart-rush.html

Most heavy metal songs are about sex.

Has this dude heard a heavy metal song released since like 1993?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziL2FyIg1_I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXvYdnQraBc

most heavy metal songs are about disembowled goblins ime

I guess you could fuck them

https://thequietus.com/articles/27692-xenakis-pauline-oliveros

Not the worst piece of music writing ever but certainly one of the most counterproductive zero-sum-game, either/or premises I've seen in a long time. Because if anyone is in dire needed of a critical takedown in 2020, it's Iannis fucking Xenakis.

Yeah, that's a very weird apples-and-oranges comparison between two very different and seemingly randomly chosen composers. Moreover, I am not at all sure that Xenakis DOES get more widespread recognition and acclaim than Oliveros. Siepmann cites plenty of praise for Oliveros; he just keeps asserting that these are exceptions while all the noise guys who namecheck Xenakis are somehow the rule. Googling Oliveros's name alone turns up loads of reverential discussion in the mainstream press.

I mean, he seems to be referring to this piece, which quotes eight artists on her influence: https://www.google.com/amp/s/thevinylfactory.com/features/pauline-oliveros-legacy-deep-listening/amp/

And there's this:
https://youtu.be/7SLAQdEiWhU

It still wasn't as dumb as this, though: https://jacobinmag.com/2020/01/kenny-g-gorelick-jazz-blues-criticism-analysis-music

Jacobin is spotty at the best of times but their pop culture writing is the fuckin pits.

"Art music hot takes" might actually be the worst emerging strand of contemporary music criticism.

It's a genre I'm only beginning to discover, to my great dismay.

Re: that Kenny G piece, 'weasel-toned saxophonist' is otm.

just as "sociopolitical context" is often the scourge of pop-culture criticism, political magazines trying on pop culture is almost never a good idea (I have not read / will not read this Kenny G thing)

The funniest thing about the Kenny G piece is that the author posted it on his own blog in 2017, then talked Jacobin into re-publishing it two years later. Like, did you really need the $75 that badly?