local businesses with horribly formed "names"

i'm always driving when i pass this place so no photos but here is their website

http://ubadautodetail.com/

i kind of like the name but i'm not usually in the market for auto detailing. in fact i don't actually know what "auto detailing" entails.

It's not a local company, but a North American roofing business based out of Pennsylvania... but...

https://i.imgur.com/FRg4cI5.png

Every morning I drive past the local facility and every morning, I think about the 100% fabricated marketing conversation that my head insists on replaying:

CEO: I don't just guarantee we've got the lowest price – I certaintee it!

MARKETING GUY: Ok. I like it. But first, first, "certaintee" isn't really a word, and secondly –

CEO: Well I know that! I just made it up!

MARKETING GUY: Secondly, if it really was a word, how would it come to mean a more intense version of "guarantee"? It seems problematic, espe–

CEO: Fuck it! You know what, smart guy? That word's that's not a word is the new name for the company! How's that for an "intense version"? Haha, IT'S GODDMAMMED CERTAINTEED FROM NOW ON.

https://i.ibb.co/17btx2M/8895-C44-C-3-BC0-4-D27-9-F4-B-33-D9254425-D0.jpg

Now, Watchpity, for losers who can't go to the awards shows but have to be on time to watch them on TV with acquaintances...

hey watchpital! i'm walkin' here!

Not quite on topic, but calling a strip club ‘Burke and Hare’ (in Edinburgh) is kind of dark, maybe over honest?

I mentioned this elsewhere but I enjoyed seeing a business called "STAMP TRAMP - mobile notary."

Fisticuts Barbershop.

there is a t-shirt printing business called "Hittn' Skins" here

a dumpster rental place called "Bin There Dump That"

a shoe store simply called "Shoooz"

a formal wear store with the unfortunate name "T & A Formal Wear"

and a dumpster rental called "Kenny G the Dumpster King"

Incredible

https://i.ibb.co/1fPmcrF/IMG-4362.jpg

On Brick Lane yet another place has opened in honour of our old prostitute murderer, this time a chip shop called Jack the Chipper. Slightly worried that the council might eventually get around to making us all have a play on his name at some point. (For example: About a year and a half ago they opened the Turkish barbers ‘Jack the Clipper’)

https://i.ibb.co/Bs9rTXN/FB-IMG-1580151345755.jpg
picture to url

Handbag store that promises Bohemian Luxury: BOHLUX.

Loving Bottoms Diaper Bank

OMG I thought nothing would top that today, and then thirty seconds later:

Bringem Young Academy

Murica

https://i.imgur.com/jOULzSh.jpg

https://thedailyrecord.com/2020/02/20/after-raising-74-million-zerofox-eyes-ipo/

Baltimore cybersecurity firm ZeroFox announced the completion a $74 million funding round Thursday, and CEO James C. Foster said an initial public offering is likely in the company’s future.

CREME BEAU-LE
(SALON)

gross

LOVE

BUTTON

you used your finger to press myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Not going to subject my phone's browser to the preceding 900+ posts, but just in case no one has mentioned the many, many dog groomers who name their business "Doggy Style" I'll go ahead and nominate them all, and pray that they someday break free from the tacky shackles of awful taste that bind them.

Yesterday, I learned of a nail salon called Finger Bang

Somewhere there's a hubcap shop with a pun on rimming in its name and no, I will not google it.

Lanarkshires (sic) first dedicated self service dog wash

https://www.inairdrie.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/81334257_captain_dugwash.jpg

Not really horribly formed, pretty funny actually.

More dog-related content (and funny).

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/101661287_2676989252546675_3045121268719288320_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_sid=110474&_nc_ohc=2bcLqYo_pQQAX8aFE1E&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.xx&oh=d9c9fb31c1c7b62fe7d26e409de40373&oe=5EFDEAB0

stolen from a friends twitter when he visited Downham Market in Norfolk

https://imgur.com/QlV8Seg
https://imgur.com/yR7VmYo

https://i.imgur.com/QlV8Seg.jpg?1
https://i.imgur.com/yR7VmYo.jpg

Good stuff.

Hardly spectacular pun-making, but there's a food van I pass on my current regular cycle route called 'Simply Bread'. The van is red, of course.

Holding Back the Yeast

http://prawnbrokerfortmyers.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2015/07/prawnlogo1.png

The Prawnbroker (Ft. Myers, FL)

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/27/77/f4/2777f4c87952949e1a2d3a16ae7e3677.jpg

"We conspire to serve you great ribs!'

Québécois version:

https://media1.ledevoir.com/images_galerie/nwd_838049_666263/image.jpg

The Office québécois de la langue française has incidentally launched an investigation into it.

Apparently their menu features the 'Phô King Cochon' (fucking pig, but 'cochon' can also mean 'racy'), 'Phô King Deal', 'cock-tails', 'Flash Thé Saint' (i.e. 'flash tes seins', flash your tits), 'Lichi Mwa Lku' ('lèche-moi le cul', lick my ass) and the self-explanatory 'Pho Ktup'. SHOCKING!!!

Similarly there's a furniture retailer here in the east end of Glasgow called 'Sofa King'... "sofa king cheap" etc.

SNL did a whole bit on this: https://vimeo.com/207212097

also reminds me of the "hilarious" K-Mart 'ship your pants' commercials

Saw a van go past today from "The Waggin' Train" dog walking service.

on the Long Island Railroad a few weeks back I saw out the window a strip-mall tattoo place called Monsters Ink. the middle panel of their plastic sign was off the building, propped up on the edge of the parking lot, so it just read Monst Ink, and i imagined the owner getting a cease-and-desist letter from Pixar and thinking "aha, THIS'll get them off my back!" but maybe it was just a cheap sign that fell apart. apparently they are permanently closed so maybe it's just the ravages of time.

This might be more for a 'great names for businesses' thread but there is a van in my area bearing the legend 'I & I Carpentry'. I've not seen the driver yet; I'm desperate for it to be a dude in a tam.

'We'll look after your joints'.
'Under heavy spanners'.
'We work for (Yabby) You'.

I reckon quite a few of the names here over the years are brilliantly (and often simultaneously horribly) formed.

Mon stink!

Mon stink is great as a horribly formed French business

Not the name of the place but a local business had a sign for the last year with “ask about” on its own line but terrible kerning made it read “a ska bout” so I always pictured nerds with horns and pork pie hats engaging in fisticuffs

Lethal Injections tattoo parlor, Cambridge, MD.

jesus

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/aron-waltons-tattoo-studio-must-4705580

Nev er mind the fact he's a plonker, but what's with the name? Am I missing a clever pun of some sort?