your terrible ideas

Here was what was waiting for me on my Samsung Notes this morning (transcribed by voice):

Bugs Bunny watching circuit closed circuit television his pupils leave his eyeballs go up inside of skiers and skiers turn towards the television at a 45 degree angle and when his pupils come out of his ears go up to the fulcrum of them they zip line down to the tips of his ears closer to the camera and POV closer to the viewer so you got a better look at the closed-circuit television

Oh, I like that one.

Spin-off: is this your nearest gas station? People are shown a photo of a gas station. They must try to figure out if it is a photo of their nearest gas station.

Did It Rain Or Not? Contestants are shown a photograph of their yard, and they score points by correctly guessing whether or not it rained last night.
― pplains, Wednesday, August 7, 2019 6:28 AM (one hour ago

i feel like i grew up watching this show? Except the contestants were my parents ....

plains do your kids know this about you yet

The yard thing or the Bugs Bunny thing?

Because no.

<3

lmao the fucking bugs bunny thing, i like that you spend your time thinking such thoughts plains

thanks, boobie.

crowdsourced positive train control

jazz baseball, but it has nothing to do with ken burns

Yeah ok let’s do it

port the speed-up feature from podcast apps to music, so you can get through albums quicker

A television series about a urologist who invents time travel and then feels duty bound to track down the fathers of history's greatest monsters and give them preemptive vasectomies.

Vas Improvement?

or is that just the title of the episode in which he snips Tim Allen's dad

What a Deferens!

Maury Wills: you were going to be the father

a fantasy football + dungeons & dragons hybrid where live football prop bets replace the dice roll. it'd be like "if cam newton completes this pass, you break the witch's spell."

Drinking games where instead of alcohol it's like condiments and salad dressings.

a time killing word game called "scrapegoats". people take turns saying a real word (scrabble rules) with a single extra 'r' in it. if you hesitate, say a word without exactly one extra 'r', or mess up pronouncing the "scrapegoat" (which is what you call the words with an extra "r"), you are eliminated.

that's not a terrible idea at all

That sounds really annoying, can you please send me the GoFundMe link for your project

I actually think games might be a lucrative place to direct one's bad ideas. That horrifying monstrosity of a 'game' which I serially refuse to play where you try to pronounce words through Cronenbergian oral stirrups seems to be taking off like a shooting star.

Ah yes, brig mouth

Do both the initial word and the extra-r word have to be valid? I guess "scrapegoat" isn't a real word but both "scape" and "scrape" are. Can I just break out any old thing during this drinner party entertainment?

That horrifying monstrosity of a 'game' which I serially refuse to play where you try to pronounce words through Cronenbergian oral stirrups seems to be taking off like a shooting star.

Oh god, I hate this so much.

Every time people have tried to get me to play it I'm like, not only is there no possibility of that ever happening while I'm both conscious and alive, your eagerness to indulge in this effrontery of nature has me rethinking our continued association.

xp the scrapegoat should not be a real word. i think you are eliminated if the new scrapegoat is (in total, not parts) a real word.

Please when you are writing the instructions, include variations of the phrase 'I think' as often as possible.

if a player makes the mistake of inserting two extra 'r's, i think they are not only eliminated, they are said to have "Groats Disease" (because they made a "scrapegroat")

I think I would literally die if there were game instructions that were like:

Q: What happens when my piece lands on a black square and I'm still holding all of my magic tokens?
A: I'm not sure.

Cronenbergian stirrups? I seriously do not know to what you refer.

There has been a vogue for children's games where a strong chance of humiliation and/or discomfort is the object - Wet Head, Shark Bite, Pop the Pig, Facepie...

But I know nothing about what grownups do for "fun" anymore except commiseration, sex, and drinking (all of which are way more fun than Pictionary or whatev).

I'm talking about this nightmare specifically:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ACDwFtPyZPQ/maxresdefault.jpg

Although in searching for appropriate images I'm quadruply aghast to learn that there are multiple games out there employing this technology.

that is disgusting

My terrible idea is a game like this except involving something that contorts the players' buttholes into all kinds of uncomfortable configurations. I'll call it...I dunno, The Riddle of the Sphincter. I expect to be a bazillionaire by this time next year.

Ready, Set, Goatse!

We can workshop it.

that's more an elaborate pickup line

Lol @ lunch's riddle of the sphincter

A limited edition Fanta called Fanta Black that's coloured with Vantablack (which is probably poisonous anyway).

― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Thursday, 7 August 2014 10:32 (five years ago)

So you're such a douchebro that driving a BMW SUV isn't douchebro enough for you? Why not buy one in Vantablack?
BMW unveils blackest black car sprayed with Vantablack
Seriously, the amount of accidents this might cause because people won't be able to see it properly or accurately be able to figure out exactly in which direction it's pointing/moving.

If only they could make the leather seats that color, it'd be perfect for summer cruisin'.

Yeah the whole thing is a heat trap. Except that anyone who buys this is just going to do what practically every other SUV owner does, and drive around with the AC cranked to max.

At least you'll be able to see the BMW when the driver turns on their blinker – o wait.

None more blacker

A bar, open only on weekdays from 9am to 5pm, called We(don't)Work

I like that

ROBERT PALMER: Look, chap, I know this isn't my "jurisdiction," but I wear ties and you wear ties. We both have the same goals in mind, now don't we?

EDDIE MONEY: Fair enough. But listen – we don't bow to the Queen here in New York City. We might both wear ties, but keep in mind this is my joint, ok?

PALMER: I wouldn't dream of intruding.

[MONEY reaches into overflowing file cabinet and pulls out a folder. Tosses it to PALMER, who barely catches it.]

MONEY: Guy we're looking for is one William Martin Joel. Goes by "Billy" on the street. Wears ties, sure, but we think he's being satirical about it...

looool

[PALMER opens the folder and looks at an old mugshot of Joel.]

PALMER: Any idea where I can find him?

MONEY: We know he spends a lot of time hanging around on 52nd Street.

HFS, i swear I had no idea.

https://i.imgur.com/Rz9H636.jpg
https://nypost.com/2019/09/13/nypd-clears-up-eddie-money-cop-mystery/

Thanks to some dude for the info.

Writing a letter to the local nursery called Lilliput to say that from the point of view of the children it should be called Brobdingnag.