Stonewall the QUEER SUMMER 2019

fgti i feel like you could write a song about this
Outrageous images from Classics Illustrated Junior

I wish I was in a really good group chat. I had a really good one with a couple of snakes in it and it fucking blew up hard. Then I was in a not-as-good one with a couple of really great people in it (Hi Stevie!) but it also blew up extremely hard.

I'm trying to do one now but I'm just too depressive these days. I need too much emotional support. I should start a group chat with [redacted] and [redacted]. Just sit around complaining all day? Sweet.

Anyway I just don't like the following things about group chats.

1. The feeling that my social circle is a part of one (they are) and that they have excluded me (they have, non-deliberately, I'm just not around as much, but it's hard to ask to join) and that I've been left out of a lot of basic social functions like birthdays as a result (I have, very much).

2. The feeling that my boyfriend is sharing private jokes with his irl circle of friends, who are also my friends, and that I'm missing out on key gossips, and generally feeling left out

3. The feeling that my boyfriend is complaining about me in his long-distance group chat, misrepresenting me when recounting arguments we've had, portraying me unsympathetically, and generally doing so to just "blow off steam", but now I feel like there are six random people in other cities who think I'm the biggest asshole ever

(If I ever seem like I'm complaining about my boyfriend here or elsewhere, please no, I love him he is the literal best, we have issues but we're blissfully happy and he's a deeply good person)

Also

Yeah

Sex clubs and gay saunas are really not my thing. Why would I have thought they would be? When I was on Grindr, people would ask me "what are you into" and I'd reply "I'll do anything you want me to as long as you promise to spoon me afterward and have breakfast with me in the morning"

I just don't understand how people can relate to each other sexually without any actual.. conversation? Or something? Reducing one's own body to being just a physical function, and another's body to fulfilling a physical function, idk, it feels like Patrick Bateman or something. That's what it felt like. A Bret Easton Ellis sex scene. I literally don't get it.

I went by a store called... Gear? I think? They had all these shirts with words on them so you could broadcast your kink. "Police". "Sniffer". "Daddy" etc. I think I need to get one that says "Breakfast". I really like waking up to a man and making them breakfast. Kinky af.

that's so hot
you know what's interesting is that these days i've gotten so comfortable with asking for cuddles and breakfast that there have been times when i found myself getting TOO intimate
and after i was like... woah that didn't feel good either, like too fucking baring my soul is the only way i know how to put it, like emotional vomit
weird right? i went to the extreme and it's backing up on me

for the first time in my storied life I've enjoyed three successive erotic dreams, they were fun

erotic dreams are so fun

better than porn that's for sure

One of which starred a close friend.

*bows*

don't you mean *blows*?

surm!

i have thoughts about kink and i have a weird relationship with it. i'm definitely in a non-kinky phase of my life atm. i also have thoughts about the appeal of bathhouses and saunas lol. my first sexual experience was in one and for years i gravitated towards them (and cruising). for me the appeal has/had a lot to do with growing up in a conservative, repressed, patriarchal culture. at this point i'm pretty much over all of that though.

fgti i know the shirts of which you speak, they're so bad. i have no idea what clothes to wear these days. i work from home so i don't have to care.

also fgti the thoughts you're having about your boyfriend sound crushing and if i were in your situation and i wasn't dependent in any way on him i would ditch him asap. you deserve to be supported. that's like an entry-level requirement lol.

In the first dream I'm in the back passenger side of a full cab, my friend pressed against me. He massages my knee, arm, neck, says I'm cute. He's on molly, I think. Then he gently massages a pill between my lips. "You asshole!" I said. "It IS molly." He assures me it's a small hit.

I haven't touched the stuff in more than a decade, nor have I ever lusted after this friend.

i'd much rather dream about Adam Dr*ver than anyone i know, but that never happens

I've never dreamt about Jake :(

@ map, we have been having a weird month, some adjustments being made, but as I said, we're blissfully happy and he's a really good person :)

This week has pushed me closer to contemplating if not accepting the end of this relationship than I’ve been for years.

To put it bluntly, I’ve been listening to the Eagles’ “I Can’t Tell You Why” damned near constantly these last couple days.

It must be pathological then

Yeah, we're both basic dumb bitches

best kind

(w/out the Eagles)

We're def both melancholy types

I admire the bravery of anyone plunging into an intimate relationship

And this is the longest we've spent apart since being together, so ...

Ry is asleep on the couch before he comes and cuddles me for one of the last times before he moves out of my house

Every moment is really special, there are no hard feelings, just a love that needs to change, and it will be miserable when it hits me

But for now it is what it is

sending love and late-night golden girl hugs to everyone in relationship transitions

Yes I will need the girls no question

Wow, booze definitely helped take me there last night. Embarrassed.

What happened???

you guysss i'm finally getting my tennis game back, like a little

Fuck August really is quiet
Ok who's got a life update cuz I got a lot

I cut back on the drinking considerably since the lake, partially because it was getting out of hand, and also I'm getting a new puppy!!!

(Provided he survives cleft palate surgery.)

I got nothing, just domestic bliss and a lot of music writing. Swimming every day, too.

I'm eating a sandwich and reading Typee, the latter queer enough.

Interviewed for a teaching position this morning that we frankly need if we are going to keep our house. Did recently get an article accepted for publication, though.

wow, congratulations

Thanks!

medical treatment being rejiggered, gonna be a copay September

so much for getting a staff job somewhere, as i continue to bleed money

going to lots of films while i still live in New York

Obamacare sux btw

I will take u to ifc anytime morbs

I got too drunk last night, but I managed to grope and lightly make out with a theoretically straight boxer.

No "but" needed, the one follows the other

like a hangover

a boxer! Goddamn. It wasn't Oscar de la Hoya?

a lightweight in many respects

lightweights are cute

i’m a welterweight myself

i'm glad you are boxing! i would be too if my bones weren't, you know, made of chalk.

ha, have not technically sparred yet, just glovework with classmates/instructor, but i really love doing it and i’m definitely improving! (also most of my classmates are queerz, which is pretty rad)