Stonewall the QUEER SUMMER 2019

did your bf have a hard time dis-engaging? mine can't not respond to someone, he considers it an extreme sign of disrespect. i couldn't disagree more lol but it's just a difference in communication styles i guess.

Oh no, he didn't have any problem drawing up boundaries at all.

obviously we've been keeping track of each other DR but love you, hi.

Hi donna rouge, congratulations on all the great news, so sorry to hear about your father <3

map, that sounds like a nightmare situation (with your bf's ex-bf). I don't really know what to type. I hate when people don't respect boundaries. Thanks for the types on SLC, I mean, I just love my family that live there, and wish I could be closer to them is all

I am in Berlin and I stupidly ate a brownie last night and have felt very cloudy and incoherent all day today. My boyfriend is with me and we are disagreeing as to whether or not we should respond to the extremely transparent suggestive behaviour on the part of our host, a tall and blond man who is slightly older than me. (My bf wants to, I myself would prefer not to).

An Air bnb host or someone you know?

either way, if you'd prefer not to then don't.

He’s a friend who is putting us up. There’s always been sexual tension between the two of us but nothing I would desire to act on. Too good of a friendship to let that sort of activity colour it, you know?

sounds best to sit this one out then.. hope your boyfriend is supportive!

mine told his ex not to contact him anymore yesterday morning and is going to send an email to his therapist with the same request. it made me really happy and relieved he's being decisive about it. and overshare alert, we had great sex afterward.

a little embarrassed to say too much, but this one is really really good for me and i love him to pieces.

That’s great news

Yeah it sounds like definitely a “get the fuck outta there” situation, yours, map

My situation is fine, bf just wants Teutonic Wang, he already wants to move here

lol

Going over to see Taylor Mac in October. Can't wait!

I saw Teutonic Wang open for Rammstein

hey Donna! i'm really glad to hear things are going so well. congratulations on your recent union!!! i hope your Dad was happy to have left you in the hands of love.
miss and love you all, it's been a busy few days or so
citizenship exam is finally around the corner on Aug 8
let's see what happens with that.

Well, I went to a gay sauna for the first time in my life yesterday. I have never had a predilection toward casual sex, maybe five Grindr hookups total in my life (if I’m being generous?) At first I was kind of put off, like, why would I be intimate with any of these strange men? It felt very objectifying or something. But then I met a really cute nice man and we had extremely satisfying sex. Bf did some stuff independently and gave the sauna experience an 8/10 overall.

He wants to go back tonight and I’m filled with the urge to... practice my violin and finish this libretto I’m working on. I’ve felt far more moved by my hangouts with classical-music people, and proposals for collaboration, than any sex adventures.

Are group chats good or bad?

I've only been in one significant group chat and it kind of blew apart a few years ago, many participants are not friends any more at all. The entire dynamic was marked by certain participants being pathological semi-liars-- misrepresenting things that happened in their lives in subtle ways to make themselves look better, like they were using the group chat as a place to delude themselves into believing they were better people than they actually were?

I've since tried to start up some group chats but I just don't have enough friends who are both a. online all the time, and b. I'm close enough to to feel comfortable opening up to. None of them have really got off the ground. I generally prefer this format for online socializing, anyway, I think

i'm in so many group chats... i cherish almost all of them, altho i have experienced changes in relationships due to things that happen within them

in nyc it seems like a lot of socializing is done thru group chats... sometimes i come home from work and do basically nothing for 2 hours except text in group chats, and it reminds me of being in high school and spending all night on AIM trading gossip. i am in one group chat that includes several ppl who were strangers to me when i joined but it's been going for a few years now and i consider everyone in it a friend.

I don't really know what they are. *surprise*

i’m in a slack channel with some of my closest pals in LA and it’s very sweet. it’s paradoxically led to all of us in the group hanging out more frequently in person, and just generally knowing what’s going on in one another’s lives. also i like our chat being in its own messaging app because group texts drive me absolutely nuts

also thanks for the lovely comments above, everyone ❤️

don't do the group chat thing, but keep tabs on people and talk back and forth via IG quite a lot.

I've got a couple group chats going, never visited more than a couple times a day, mostly to trade wise cracks.

i have one going on IG! but like, we're all v close IRL. i miss AIM.
i've never tried the sauna bathhouse thing, but one of my friends is obsessed. i just really don't know that i'd have the right countenance for it.

fgti i feel like you could write a song about this
Outrageous images from Classics Illustrated Junior

I wish I was in a really good group chat. I had a really good one with a couple of snakes in it and it fucking blew up hard. Then I was in a not-as-good one with a couple of really great people in it (Hi Stevie!) but it also blew up extremely hard.

I'm trying to do one now but I'm just too depressive these days. I need too much emotional support. I should start a group chat with [redacted] and [redacted]. Just sit around complaining all day? Sweet.

Anyway I just don't like the following things about group chats.

1. The feeling that my social circle is a part of one (they are) and that they have excluded me (they have, non-deliberately, I'm just not around as much, but it's hard to ask to join) and that I've been left out of a lot of basic social functions like birthdays as a result (I have, very much).

2. The feeling that my boyfriend is sharing private jokes with his irl circle of friends, who are also my friends, and that I'm missing out on key gossips, and generally feeling left out

3. The feeling that my boyfriend is complaining about me in his long-distance group chat, misrepresenting me when recounting arguments we've had, portraying me unsympathetically, and generally doing so to just "blow off steam", but now I feel like there are six random people in other cities who think I'm the biggest asshole ever

(If I ever seem like I'm complaining about my boyfriend here or elsewhere, please no, I love him he is the literal best, we have issues but we're blissfully happy and he's a deeply good person)

Also

Yeah

Sex clubs and gay saunas are really not my thing. Why would I have thought they would be? When I was on Grindr, people would ask me "what are you into" and I'd reply "I'll do anything you want me to as long as you promise to spoon me afterward and have breakfast with me in the morning"

I just don't understand how people can relate to each other sexually without any actual.. conversation? Or something? Reducing one's own body to being just a physical function, and another's body to fulfilling a physical function, idk, it feels like Patrick Bateman or something. That's what it felt like. A Bret Easton Ellis sex scene. I literally don't get it.

I went by a store called... Gear? I think? They had all these shirts with words on them so you could broadcast your kink. "Police". "Sniffer". "Daddy" etc. I think I need to get one that says "Breakfast". I really like waking up to a man and making them breakfast. Kinky af.

that's so hot
you know what's interesting is that these days i've gotten so comfortable with asking for cuddles and breakfast that there have been times when i found myself getting TOO intimate
and after i was like... woah that didn't feel good either, like too fucking baring my soul is the only way i know how to put it, like emotional vomit
weird right? i went to the extreme and it's backing up on me

for the first time in my storied life I've enjoyed three successive erotic dreams, they were fun

erotic dreams are so fun

better than porn that's for sure

One of which starred a close friend.

*bows*

don't you mean *blows*?

surm!

i have thoughts about kink and i have a weird relationship with it. i'm definitely in a non-kinky phase of my life atm. i also have thoughts about the appeal of bathhouses and saunas lol. my first sexual experience was in one and for years i gravitated towards them (and cruising). for me the appeal has/had a lot to do with growing up in a conservative, repressed, patriarchal culture. at this point i'm pretty much over all of that though.

fgti i know the shirts of which you speak, they're so bad. i have no idea what clothes to wear these days. i work from home so i don't have to care.

also fgti the thoughts you're having about your boyfriend sound crushing and if i were in your situation and i wasn't dependent in any way on him i would ditch him asap. you deserve to be supported. that's like an entry-level requirement lol.

In the first dream I'm in the back passenger side of a full cab, my friend pressed against me. He massages my knee, arm, neck, says I'm cute. He's on molly, I think. Then he gently massages a pill between my lips. "You asshole!" I said. "It IS molly." He assures me it's a small hit.

I haven't touched the stuff in more than a decade, nor have I ever lusted after this friend.

i'd much rather dream about Adam Dr*ver than anyone i know, but that never happens

I've never dreamt about Jake :(

@ map, we have been having a weird month, some adjustments being made, but as I said, we're blissfully happy and he's a really good person :)

This week has pushed me closer to contemplating if not accepting the end of this relationship than I’ve been for years.

To put it bluntly, I’ve been listening to the Eagles’ “I Can’t Tell You Why” damned near constantly these last couple days.

It must be pathological then

Yeah, we're both basic dumb bitches

best kind

(w/out the Eagles)

We're def both melancholy types

I admire the bravery of anyone plunging into an intimate relationship

And this is the longest we've spent apart since being together, so ...

Ry is asleep on the couch before he comes and cuddles me for one of the last times before he moves out of my house

Every moment is really special, there are no hard feelings, just a love that needs to change, and it will be miserable when it hits me

But for now it is what it is

sending love and late-night golden girl hugs to everyone in relationship transitions

Yes I will need the girls no question