Stonewall the QUEER SUMMER 2019

if i were independently wealthy i would definitely just up and move
like get the fuck out of dodge
i really wanna do that one day
right now i'm too tied to that good ol' salary but like, the future's my oyster

I am now trapped in NYC, at least til I become more helpless

wait are you employed???

i dunno, what would you call $25/hour? (medical expenses about $900/month)

a start!!!

well i may be finished before i start. the math is ugly.

they told me when i signed up for homosexuality that we were all rich!

For a time!

I think gay men are statistically most-likely to "not plan for the future" and spend their 40s and 50s confused and self-destructive until we all live out our old age sad and lonely. At least, that's what I was taught!

My landlord tried to persuade me to buy in on a condo yesterday, as an investment. I always felt like I was "doing pretty good" considering the precarity of my industry, but when I crunched the numbers it was laughable what an impossibility the proposition was.

I literally think my plan is just to move someplace cheap when I'm 50 and get into being alone and meditating a lot. I mean, I (half) grew up on a literal farm in the middle of nowhere with an outhouse, well for water, wood stoves and a wind generator, in lieu of friends I went exploring the wilderness for days on end and read my dad's Ian Fleming novels, I'm sure I will be able to get back to that place of happiness again

I own my condo, have since 2005, and at least twice a month why I bothered in a swamp that the sea will reclaim in less than forty years. I'm a natural hoarder who feels guilty after dropping money on dinner + drinks, but besides travel what else would I spend my money on? I have savings. Otherwise my dough feels good to spend on piddling things.

ILXor mookieproof is taking me to a ballgame tonight, so for poor Americans it helps to have friends w/ pro connections.

Nice one, mookieproof!

hi everyone! long time no post. specifically, about three posts total in the past two years?

anyway, here are all my big life updates:

- started a new job in june 2017, still there, still liking it, wishing i were full-time but oh well
- got enGAYged in 2018 to my bf after six years of dating
- got gay-married in may of this year, on an uncharacteristically (for socal) cold and rainy but incredibly lovely day
- honeymooned in june (omg italy omg)
- father passed away three weeks ago after being diagnosed with cancer in november (side note: fuck cancer)
- didn't do anything at all pride-related this year due to above three items on list
- coming up on the beginning of my 10th (!) year in LA, this september
- been taking weekly boxing classes for over a year now and trying to commit to regular personal training sessions, feeling at my physical peak tbh!
- currently trying to find a good therapist and piano teacher

nice to read posts from all of you, tho it seems to be a rocky time for some of y'all so <333

<3 you dr

hi dr, so sorry about your dad. <3

I want a boyfriend who will move to Salt Lake City with me

Or: a boyfriend who owns a car and lives in Salt Lake City

― flamboyant goon tie included, Thursday, July 25, 2019 5:33 AM (four days ago) bookmarkflaglink

is this a real desire? i live in salt lake city and don't recommend it tbh. i moved back in may because i met someone i wanted as my bf. and now we are bfs and it's great, the best relationship i've had to this point, and it's been worth the move but we definitely want to get out in a couple of years. i mean it's affordable and laid-back but the air quality is horrible and having grown up lds the church presence still rankles.

so i'm having to deal with my bf's ex who keeps texting him, has shown up at his work with gifts and has repeatedly not respected my bf's requests for time and space. my bf wants to be nice and friends with him if possible but the ex is apparently not capable of respecting boundaries; the only thing that worked was for my bf to let his therapist know he needed to leave him alone for two months. anyway, bf showed me a text convo they had the other day (one day less than two months after bf contacted ex's therapist) where the ex opened with 'i love you so much' and sent him a bunch of shirtless photos. i've been kind of hands-off about it until now but this time it got my goat and felt intrusive. anyway i told my bf i couldn't deal with continued conversations, that he needed to make sure the ex doesn't contact him again until my bf reaches out. so he said he would send the ex's therapist another request. idk i wish he would just block him on his phone! but apparently that is like anathema for him. so i hope however he deals with it works. i think i'm fairly open to exes as friends but the relationship has to undergo a redefinition, this guy doesn't seem capable of doing that, and i really don't want him anywhere near my or my bf. he was also a serial cheater and pushed my bf into an open relationship situation he really didn't want to have. anyway, just needed to unload somewhere.

Feel free to share the shirtless photos here.

lol

mormon-super-daddy.jpg
car-mechanic-works-with-his-hands.jpg
hiking.jpg

Seriously tho, that sounds like the behavior of my boyfriend's ex too. Very "people collector"-ish. Even if your BF doesn't wish to block his number, he does at some point stop responding entirely or the behavior will never stop.

thank you!

did your bf have a hard time dis-engaging? mine can't not respond to someone, he considers it an extreme sign of disrespect. i couldn't disagree more lol but it's just a difference in communication styles i guess.

Oh no, he didn't have any problem drawing up boundaries at all.

obviously we've been keeping track of each other DR but love you, hi.

Hi donna rouge, congratulations on all the great news, so sorry to hear about your father <3

map, that sounds like a nightmare situation (with your bf's ex-bf). I don't really know what to type. I hate when people don't respect boundaries. Thanks for the types on SLC, I mean, I just love my family that live there, and wish I could be closer to them is all

I am in Berlin and I stupidly ate a brownie last night and have felt very cloudy and incoherent all day today. My boyfriend is with me and we are disagreeing as to whether or not we should respond to the extremely transparent suggestive behaviour on the part of our host, a tall and blond man who is slightly older than me. (My bf wants to, I myself would prefer not to).

An Air bnb host or someone you know?

either way, if you'd prefer not to then don't.

He’s a friend who is putting us up. There’s always been sexual tension between the two of us but nothing I would desire to act on. Too good of a friendship to let that sort of activity colour it, you know?

sounds best to sit this one out then.. hope your boyfriend is supportive!

mine told his ex not to contact him anymore yesterday morning and is going to send an email to his therapist with the same request. it made me really happy and relieved he's being decisive about it. and overshare alert, we had great sex afterward.

a little embarrassed to say too much, but this one is really really good for me and i love him to pieces.

That’s great news

Yeah it sounds like definitely a “get the fuck outta there” situation, yours, map

My situation is fine, bf just wants Teutonic Wang, he already wants to move here

lol

Going over to see Taylor Mac in October. Can't wait!

I saw Teutonic Wang open for Rammstein

hey Donna! i'm really glad to hear things are going so well. congratulations on your recent union!!! i hope your Dad was happy to have left you in the hands of love.
miss and love you all, it's been a busy few days or so
citizenship exam is finally around the corner on Aug 8
let's see what happens with that.

Well, I went to a gay sauna for the first time in my life yesterday. I have never had a predilection toward casual sex, maybe five Grindr hookups total in my life (if I’m being generous?) At first I was kind of put off, like, why would I be intimate with any of these strange men? It felt very objectifying or something. But then I met a really cute nice man and we had extremely satisfying sex. Bf did some stuff independently and gave the sauna experience an 8/10 overall.

He wants to go back tonight and I’m filled with the urge to... practice my violin and finish this libretto I’m working on. I’ve felt far more moved by my hangouts with classical-music people, and proposals for collaboration, than any sex adventures.

Are group chats good or bad?

I've only been in one significant group chat and it kind of blew apart a few years ago, many participants are not friends any more at all. The entire dynamic was marked by certain participants being pathological semi-liars-- misrepresenting things that happened in their lives in subtle ways to make themselves look better, like they were using the group chat as a place to delude themselves into believing they were better people than they actually were?

I've since tried to start up some group chats but I just don't have enough friends who are both a. online all the time, and b. I'm close enough to to feel comfortable opening up to. None of them have really got off the ground. I generally prefer this format for online socializing, anyway, I think

i'm in so many group chats... i cherish almost all of them, altho i have experienced changes in relationships due to things that happen within them

in nyc it seems like a lot of socializing is done thru group chats... sometimes i come home from work and do basically nothing for 2 hours except text in group chats, and it reminds me of being in high school and spending all night on AIM trading gossip. i am in one group chat that includes several ppl who were strangers to me when i joined but it's been going for a few years now and i consider everyone in it a friend.

I don't really know what they are. *surprise*

i’m in a slack channel with some of my closest pals in LA and it’s very sweet. it’s paradoxically led to all of us in the group hanging out more frequently in person, and just generally knowing what’s going on in one another’s lives. also i like our chat being in its own messaging app because group texts drive me absolutely nuts

also thanks for the lovely comments above, everyone ❤️

don't do the group chat thing, but keep tabs on people and talk back and forth via IG quite a lot.

I've got a couple group chats going, never visited more than a couple times a day, mostly to trade wise cracks.

i have one going on IG! but like, we're all v close IRL. i miss AIM.
i've never tried the sauna bathhouse thing, but one of my friends is obsessed. i just really don't know that i'd have the right countenance for it.

fgti i feel like you could write a song about this
Outrageous images from Classics Illustrated Junior

I wish I was in a really good group chat. I had a really good one with a couple of snakes in it and it fucking blew up hard. Then I was in a not-as-good one with a couple of really great people in it (Hi Stevie!) but it also blew up extremely hard.

I'm trying to do one now but I'm just too depressive these days. I need too much emotional support. I should start a group chat with [redacted] and [redacted]. Just sit around complaining all day? Sweet.

Anyway I just don't like the following things about group chats.

1. The feeling that my social circle is a part of one (they are) and that they have excluded me (they have, non-deliberately, I'm just not around as much, but it's hard to ask to join) and that I've been left out of a lot of basic social functions like birthdays as a result (I have, very much).

2. The feeling that my boyfriend is sharing private jokes with his irl circle of friends, who are also my friends, and that I'm missing out on key gossips, and generally feeling left out

3. The feeling that my boyfriend is complaining about me in his long-distance group chat, misrepresenting me when recounting arguments we've had, portraying me unsympathetically, and generally doing so to just "blow off steam", but now I feel like there are six random people in other cities who think I'm the biggest asshole ever

(If I ever seem like I'm complaining about my boyfriend here or elsewhere, please no, I love him he is the literal best, we have issues but we're blissfully happy and he's a deeply good person)

Also

Yeah

Sex clubs and gay saunas are really not my thing. Why would I have thought they would be? When I was on Grindr, people would ask me "what are you into" and I'd reply "I'll do anything you want me to as long as you promise to spoon me afterward and have breakfast with me in the morning"

I just don't understand how people can relate to each other sexually without any actual.. conversation? Or something? Reducing one's own body to being just a physical function, and another's body to fulfilling a physical function, idk, it feels like Patrick Bateman or something. That's what it felt like. A Bret Easton Ellis sex scene. I literally don't get it.

I went by a store called... Gear? I think? They had all these shirts with words on them so you could broadcast your kink. "Police". "Sniffer". "Daddy" etc. I think I need to get one that says "Breakfast". I really like waking up to a man and making them breakfast. Kinky af.

that's so hot
you know what's interesting is that these days i've gotten so comfortable with asking for cuddles and breakfast that there have been times when i found myself getting TOO intimate
and after i was like... woah that didn't feel good either, like too fucking baring my soul is the only way i know how to put it, like emotional vomit
weird right? i went to the extreme and it's backing up on me

for the first time in my storied life I've enjoyed three successive erotic dreams, they were fun

erotic dreams are so fun

better than porn that's for sure

One of which starred a close friend.