she'll suggest a number that's actually bigger than five, making the wait longer for her
― na (NA), Friday, 26 July 2019 14:12 (four years ago) link
well now we know where she gets her counting skills from
We get stuff like that. Opal was just sitting in a duck ride. The kind on a sidewalk. It wasn’t moving. We said let’s go to the playground and she said something like “I’ll stay here for just a little more hours”.
― dan selzer, Friday, 26 July 2019 15:29 (four years ago) link
Last night Opal overheard me talking about uber and shouted out "a goober is a chocolate covered peanut!"
Tonight as I was trying to floss her teeth she ran out of the bathroom and jumped on the couch w/ mommy, turned around and said "floss my tushy".
― dan selzer, Monday, 5 August 2019 00:33 (four years ago) link
“Papa. Which to you like better. Coffee. Or working?”
― calstars, Monday, 5 August 2019 00:46 (four years ago) link
Explaining the Voyager golden record to 6yo. HER: But they should have sent food for the aliens!ME: I don't think the food would last for millions of years.HER; Cheese! Cheese lasts a LONG time.
― And according to some websites, there were “sexcapades.” (James Morrison), Monday, 5 August 2019 01:50 (four years ago) link
Re. pre-schoolers at music festivals: Nora had more than one awful pre-schooler tantrum, including an immense one at half past midnight at the festival toilets which culminated in her yelling at me “it’s my body! It’s my decision! Don’t touch me!” when I was trying to get her onesie off and get her to have the wee that she’d requested I take her for. Yes, there were other people present. No, no one said anything. Yes, some people looked sympathetic, albeit in that ‘stupid fucker kept a 4-year-old up after midnight’ way.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 22 August 2019 21:23 (four years ago) link
she's right tbh
― president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Thursday, 22 August 2019 21:28 (four years ago) link
Oh absolutely.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 22 August 2019 21:32 (four years ago) link
Ella has learned from us the "not naming any names, but SOMEBODY [broke/lost/forgot whatever]" phrase, and now SOMEBODY is responsible for a hell of a lot of bad shit in our house.
― And according to some websites, there were “sexcapades.” (James Morrison), Friday, 23 August 2019 01:46 (four years ago) link
"I'm a vegetarian except for McDonald's"
― silverfish, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 16:09 (four years ago) link
Ha, my 7yo daughter recently announced that she's a vegetarian but will still eat a chicken leg because "a chicken could still live if it lost a leg"
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:33 (four years ago) link
i mean she’s not wrong tbf
― don’t bore us, get to the aeon of horus (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:34 (four years ago) link
true! Snapshot of morality development in vivo
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:36 (four years ago) link
Chicken fingers are okay too, because chickens don't need fingers at all.
― And the wind... cries... Larry (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 10 September 2019 20:38 (four years ago) link
Chickens have zero use for their nuggets iirc.
― DJI, Tuesday, 10 September 2019 20:44 (four years ago) link
“Hey dad. What’s your favorite color of the alphabet?”Hmm“The answer is square!”That’s good. I’m going to use that in job interviews “No dad, post it to ILX!”
― El Tomboto, Thursday, 17 October 2019 01:14 (four years ago) link
Meta-kids!
― DJI, Thursday, 17 October 2019 03:40 (four years ago) link
pfft Tombot if your kid wants to be on ilx they should get their own account
― president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Thursday, 17 October 2019 05:26 (four years ago) link
The other day opal (2 and a half) called her vagina her “tushy penis”
― dan selzer, Thursday, 17 October 2019 11:31 (four years ago) link
get tombot jr a login, stat, that's the kind of unconventional thinking we sorely need more of on these boards
― expedited frictionless convergences (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 17 October 2019 11:39 (four years ago) link
Me: Please pick up your Legos
4yo: Daddy, you're kind of putting me into slavery.
(Phone rings, it's Fox News offering my son a prime time slot)
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 17 October 2019 14:28 (four years ago) link
We had an elderly neighbour over for coffee. Somehow it was mentioned that he grew up during World War 2.
My son: "Wow! Did you survive?"
― ArchCarrier, Thursday, 17 October 2019 15:04 (four years ago) link
my wife explained to Opal that Vampires are made up creatures that suck blood out of necks, after seeing them in the halloween book Sheep Trick or Treat.
she also recently learned about the little beach birds called Sandpipers.
A few weeks ago we were going to Rockaway Beach off-season to play in the sand and she freaked out. "No, I don't wanna see sandpipers don't want my blood sucked"
― dan selzer, Thursday, 17 October 2019 16:57 (four years ago) link
“no”“later”“why are you still talking “
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 17 October 2019 20:02 (four years ago) link
Me: Come on, it's bath time then bed time3.5yo: Then sleeping time, then morning time, then playtime, then bath time, then bed time, then sleeping time, then morning time...Me: Oh shit you've figured it out already, how come you're not massively depressed
― The Pingularity (ledge), Monday, 28 October 2019 11:57 (four years ago) link
give it another year and a half :\
― president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Monday, 28 October 2019 16:26 (four years ago) link
4yo: Whenever I scribbled on my paper Julianna used to tattletale on me to the teacher.
me: Does she still do that?
4yo: No, she stopped. Like how those girls used to scream for the Beatles all the time and then they stopped forever.
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Monday, 28 October 2019 21:08 (four years ago) link
Brilliant!
― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 29 October 2019 07:25 (four years ago) link
wife: What would you like for your birthday?daughter: Spiders!
― silverfish, Monday, 4 November 2019 02:28 (four years ago) link
otm
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 4 November 2019 02:32 (four years ago) link
came home the other day with a haircut. Opal says "daddy got a haircut!"
The next day Opal wakes up and says "does daddy still have his haircut?"
― dan selzer, Monday, 4 November 2019 03:43 (four years ago) link
For the Dutchies:
"Elf november is de dagDat mijn nichtje branden mag"
(3yo)
― ArchCarrier, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:12 (four years ago) link
Any help on the last couple of words?
― Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:16 (four years ago) link
That my niece may burn
― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:30 (four years ago) link
Instead of 'that my light may burn' (lichtje/nichtje mistake)
― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:31 (four years ago) link
Ta! And cute!
― Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:59 (four years ago) link
My youngest son, shrugging: “I can’t clean up a fart!”
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:46 (four years ago) link
Needs to be a horrible 70s album title tbh
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:48 (four years ago) link
singer shrugging, guitarist holding his nose, bassist spraying air freshener, drummer passed out
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 19:43 (four years ago) link
kid's birthday party is saturday, and he has a white noise machine on in his room at night; he got out of bed and came downstairs to say "i'm too excited about my birthday party and am scared that my sound machine is going to turn into a human head"
― joygoat, Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:08 (four years ago) link
Whoa!
― ☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 14 November 2019 12:57 (four years ago) link
last christmas, i pooed in my pantsthe very next day, i peed in my pants
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:41 (four years ago) link
hahahah!
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:43 (four years ago) link
This year, I’ll stick with a fartAnd give it to someone special
― DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:58 (four years ago) link
File that under posts you immediately regret
― DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (four years ago) link
This is going to make the next few weeks tolerable. Thanks guys!
― ☮ (peace, man), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (four years ago) link
I’m lovin it
― L'assie (Euler), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 17:19 (four years ago) link
this has really cheered me up
― YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Saturday, 14 December 2019 21:03 (four years ago) link
Driving in the car, Can's "Dizzy Dizzy" comes on the CD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXm-Xco5BWA
The boy goes, "What is this, Spongebob back from a commercial?"
I go into "incredulous dad mode" - What? This is CAN.
The girl goes, "If it's from Spongebob, they should've called it 'Gary's Theme'."
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 January 2020 04:08 (four years ago) link