Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Every time I think the toilet habits in this place have reached their zenith, they find a way to exceed my expectations. Well done Wales.

Today I was invited to look at a shit a stranger had done because "it's a fucking cracker, innit". Speaking to someone else that I actually did know and had spoken to before, he's been protecting the cubicle for 40 minutes now to make sure as many people as possible see it.

I don't think he understood what Pride Week was about.

wait, was this guy showing off a shit he'd done himself or a shit someone else left in the bowl that he was so struck with admiration for that he had to let others see it too?

dunno what's worse tbh, either way that is deeply fucking weird behaviour

this is what selfie sticks are for

what, unclogging toilets?

no point carrying two sticks

Was it a fucking cracker tho?

I've ever been subject to one justifiable instance of this behavior (pulled into my restaurant's ladies room to view a log the size of Margaret Lanterman's, which I was forced to acknowledge as a cracker, specifically of porcelain).

am i a prude for thinking it's not appropriate under any circumstances - other than those strictly medical or, where mutual consent exists, sexual - for bowel movements to be treated as show-and-tell objects? wtf people

I was going to agree with you but, given what I encountered that one time I conceded, I'm suddenly left wondering how many dazzling spectacles of poo prowess I've denied myself through the years.

I assumed it was his but I suppose it could have been somebody else's. You don't know , man. You're not in Wales.

I once showed one of mine to my wife, in a hotel room, because it was like a fucking draught excluder.

I am very entertained that you could only show your wife your poo in a hotel room. Holiday poo.

or rather that there was a need to specify.

I'm suddenly left wondering how many dazzling spectacles of poo prowess I've denied myself through the years

again, maybe i'm the one standing outside the norms of society here, but i'm entirely comfortable with not knowing anything about the size, frequency, consistency or flavour of the bowel movements of anyone else, no matter how outlandish their qualities

Sounds like you'd be put off by the prospect of friendship with Martin Luther.

just spent WAY too long scrolling down a recent twitter account to find the name of a book that had a chapter on environmental health in royal palaces (the book is a history of royal poisonings and it turns out the thread doesn't actually name it)

anyway when it comes to "bitch abt yr stupid co-courtiers as late as the 18th century", pissing and pooing just anyway and everywhere was the pan-european standard

Catherine de Braganza wrote home from Versailles about how she could barely walk into a room without seeing some guy’s prick

— shibari weiss (@AliceAvizandum) January 5, 2019

I am very reminded of that scene in The Last Emperor where they discuss/smell the kid emperor's poo.

bg, no one is going to judge you harshly for refusing to fully experience the richness and texture of life. Pity? Sure. But no judgment.

*shits*

some top content on this in the latest LRB:

In the first decade of the 17th century, the English traveller Fynes Moryson noted with wonder that, in the presence chamber at Dublin Castle, ‘the wives of great men … make water as they stood talking with men … and … do openly the most secret necessities of the body.’ The transition to bodily inhibition took place quite slowly, however: Anthony Wood complained that when Charles II’s courtiers left Oxford, they also left ‘their excrements in every corner, in chimneys, studies, coal-houses, cellars’.

perhaps if you can sense that an impending turd is going to be truly remarkable you could curl it where people will stumble across it and marvel. *stomach rumbles auspiciously* "this'll be one for the fireplace"

oh man feels like i've got a real chimney-buster brewing, fire up facebook live and let's get the show started

i hate this thread and what it's done to me btw

Look, when you enter a discussion on annoying coworkers, you know what you're in for.

presents chamber more like

While we smallmindedly write off our coworkers as disgusting animals unfit for cohabitation with other humans, those very coworkers are in fact sustaining age-old cultural traditions of pooping just wherever you feel like. Boy, do I ever feel like a grade-a boob.

the noblest traditions, versailles is not to be sniffed at

the pissing and shitting habits of several centuries ago were completely fucked up

one of the reason the noble class would rotate through their palatial homes was because they'd just do their business in the corner or on the stairs and they'd have to leave for a couple weeks while some unfortunate servants would wash the place down. the smell was about what you'd expect

Back to annoying coworker anecdotes: I will never understand why it's preferable to compose an email asking someone else to search for something on your behalf rather than to just enter a simple search term into a field and click the 'Search' button.

xp - citation needed

xxxxp - "in the hotel room" important because it's not like I had to go and find her to show her or for her to go more than 10ft

I should probably shut up about this

I was imagining that it was so impressive you had booked a hotel room & transported the mighty item there for best presentation

That sounds like something Mr Welshman this morning would have done to preserve it.

I would've thought that the "coworker clipping their nails thing in the office" bit had been around long enough for everyone to know not to do this but APPARENTLY NOT

Ex-office mate routinely went to town on his ear canal with a Q-Tip. The 'not okay but imma do it anyway' jewel is comprised of innumerable facets.

I have decided my coworkers deserve it, so I clip my nails at my desk now

the one coworker within earshot who has an opinion I value said it's cool, so

2 people in a class of 22 seem to think this class is just for them and interrupt every 2 minutes with obscure, non-sequitur questions.

No amount of trying to direct them on topic, asking them to take it to a side discussion with us has ever done much more than temporarily dissuade them, and discussing an interruption is in itself an interruption.

Want to learn to bicycle kick before they know what a soccer ball is.

That reminds me of our team meetings, which are uniformly pointless and painful affairs for 95% of the team, but there's always that 5% who sit back and wait until people are half out of their seats at the meeting's putative end to ask a series of questions which a) pertain to them specifically but rarely to anyone else in the group and b) could have easily been asked and answered in an email rather than in the midst of a group of people who want to strangle them.

are they waiting until the end when people are leaving because it's like an optional query that not-interested people can carry on leaving during, or just because they're annoying and strangleable?

I mean, maybe they think they're doing that, but it doesn't work unless everyone knows that's the format and it's definitely OK to leave, which sounds like is not the case, so still annoying

oh god, I was in a training session that was like that earlier this year

eventually there was partial success with changing the policy from "questions at any time" to "we're running behind, we'll catch up with questions when we take a break" which only partially worked because after lunch the questions resumed

Ex-office mate routinely went to town on his ear canal with a Q-Tip. The 'not okay but imma do it anyway' jewel is comprised of innumerable facets.

may he one day find his own ear drum dangling from a strand of cotton.

Me: Please set up this thing you should have already set up so I can do my job.
Douchenozzle: That should already be set up.
Me: ..........................YES, I KNOW IT SHOULD, WHY THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M REQUESTING IT OF YOU, DOUCHENOZZLE?

I am not a screamer and particularly not a screamer in the faces of others but this job is prompting me to rethink things.

Workmate: I might not be in tomorrow
Me: how come?
Workmate: Migraine.

While sitting there looking perfectly fine. You plan your migraines now do you feller? Ugh.

I don't know, I have migraines and sometimes when I have a mild one it means I'll have a worse one the next day. Also the thing about migraines is that when you call in sick for them, people get annoyed with you for not giving them more warning. So the pressure is on to try to predict when you're going to have one, even though you can't really.

Hm I guess thats fair.

i see people misuse the term "migraine" all the time too. from mild headache to "clearly i do not feel like doing anything so lets go with migraine". i think you're right to be a little suspicious (not that i disagree with the other points, could still be legit).

Yesterday someone in my office had a slightly frustrating phone call with an outside agency and hung up and announced dramatically, “Please just kill me. Kill me now” and went on for a while. I mean it’s not possible that she hasn’t seen the news in a week so I’m gonna have to go with 100% tone deaf for this one.

did you... kill her

I’m new here, I’m just trying to keep a low profile.