R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

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dude, there's THREE MORE PARTS. don't go writing anything off yet.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:05 (eighteen years ago) link

yall should read the noize board thread for some laffs.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:07 (eighteen years ago) link

!!!!!!!

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:11 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm very uncomfortable with the gurgling-baby noises in the midst of a domestic. That's all I'm sayin'.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:12 (eighteen years ago) link

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SOME BOGUS SHIT UP IN MY HOUSE

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:24 (eighteen years ago) link

well...
now he starin' at me like
as if he was starin' in the mirror
she yells "honey, let me explain"
he says "you don't have to go no further
I can clearly see what's going on
behind my back, in my bed, in my home
then I said "wait a minute, now hold on"
I said "mister, we can work this out"
she said "honey, don't lose control"
I tried to get him to calm down
he said "ho, I should've known
that you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house
but the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt"
I said "we need to resolve this"
and he stepped to me, I'm like "woah
there's a reason I'm in this closet"
he says "yeah, what are you, talkin' clothes?"
I said "I met this girl at the [?] Club
and she told me she didn't have a man"
and he said "man, please,
I'd kill you if you didn't have that gun in your hand"
and then I said "but your chick chose me"
he said "don't gimme that mack shit, please"
his phone goes off and then
things get a little more interesting
he steps a little closer
I point my gun and says "I'm not the one you after"
he says "son, I bet you didn't know, my man
did she tell you I was a pastor?"
I said "well good, that's better, right?
why can't we handle this Christian-like?"
and I started to put the gun
until I saw his face still had that frown
she started cryin', sayin' "baby I'm sorry"
then he said "baby, not as sorry as you're gonna be"
I started inchin' out
he said "no, I want you to see this"
said "I gotta get out this house, but not until I reveal my secret"
I'm like "what the hell is goin' on inside his head?"
then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says:
"hello"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: "hello"
"baby"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: [unintelligible]
"turn the car around"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: "what's goin' on?"
"listen, I just need for you to get right back here now"
CLICK
he looks at me and says
"well, since we're all comin' out the closet
I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted"
she said "what do you mean?"
he said "just wait and see"
I said "somebody better talk to see"
and then his phone rings
he picks up, and somebody says "honey, I'm downstairs"
and he's like "I'll buzz you up
I'm on the fifth floor, honey, take the stairs"
and I'm like "who is this mystery lady
that you're talking to?"
he says "in time you both will know the shocking truth
baby, this is something I've been wanting to get off my chest
for a long, long time"
and I said "yo, I'm'a shoot you both
if you don't say what's on your mind"
he says "wait, I hear somebody comin' up the stairs"
and I'm lookin' at the door
he says "I think you better sit down in a chair"
I says "I'm gonna count to four"
"ONE"
he says "mister, wait!"
"TWO"
she says "please don't shoot!"
"THREE"
he says "don't shoot me!"
"FOUR"
SHE SCREAMS
THEN I KNOCK ON THE DOOR
THE GUN'S IN MY HAND
HE OPENS THE DOOR

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S A MAN

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:29 (eighteen years ago) link

but why should R. be shocked / surprised about that? He doesn't know or care about the dude, he just wants to get the fuck out of the house.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:35 (eighteen years ago) link

He should be GLAD it's a man, fercryinoutloud!

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:38 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah, his character's shock does seem a little forced. plus the pastor makes the not-exactly-subtle remark "well, since we're all comin' out the closet..."

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:39 (eighteen years ago) link

I was pretty sure it was going to be R.'s wife or something.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:43 (eighteen years ago) link

I think he says "the poshest club."

― Jeff Reguilon (Talent Explosion), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:43 (eighteen years ago) link

Why does he count to 4? People always count to 3 in those situations, don't they? Or 5. Or 10. But never 4.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:46 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't think I've been as excited for part three of something since that Guns n' Roses video trilogy.

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:46 (eighteen years ago) link

really? maybe. my assumption was that it's the name of a club, maybe a real one that I would've heard of if I lived in Chicago (like the reference to Kisses in Isley's "Busted").

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:47 (eighteen years ago) link

which was part three, "Estranged"?

that must have been one hell of a let down / mindfuck.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:48 (eighteen years ago) link

haha maybe like "Estranged" it will involve R. jumping off of an aircraft carrier and swimming with dolphins, and/or rising out of the water playing a guitar solo

(xpost "Estranged" was easily the best song/video out of the three!!!)

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah, I thought the same thing and I could be wrong, but I hear "poshest." (xp)

― Jeff Reguilon (Talent Explosion), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:49 (eighteen years ago) link

(xpost "Estranged" was easily the best song/video out of the three!!!)

Um...?

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:49 (eighteen years ago) link

are we gonna have to take this debate over here? Taking Sides: Use Your Illusion I vs. Use Your Illusion II

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:53 (eighteen years ago) link

honestly I don't know "Estranged" well enough to get into this debate, but to say it's better than "November Rain" just goes against every ounce of my upbringing.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:54 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah, that's reasonable. "November Rain" is a classic too. but video-wise, not as good as Slash soloing in front of a church in the middle of nowhere is, Slash soloing while rising out of and standing on water like Jesus.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:57 (eighteen years ago) link

er, that should've read "but video-wise, Slash soloing in front of a church in the middle of nowhere < Slash soloing while rising out of and standing on water like Jesus. "

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:01 (eighteen years ago) link

Then the bathtub overflowed
And the kitchen floor was like a lake
And the man in the doorway he bugged out
And jumped into the cake
I put down the gun, crippled by my darkest thoughts!
Started singing this song with the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:13 (eighteen years ago) link

this was a little perfunctory but god I can't stop laughing. Is there any question that R is one of the most noteworthy musical artists of our time - dude's got us hanging on every word of a goddamn radioplay.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:16 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm pretty curious as to where the story will go now, especially with the introduction of a gay pastor character. I mean, it could end up being a spiritual message like U Saved Me, or it could go somewhere else completely.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:16 (eighteen years ago) link

there could well be a gangbang coming

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:17 (eighteen years ago) link

There had BETTER be a gangbang coming.

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:18 (eighteen years ago) link

so like I said, a spiritual message.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:18 (eighteen years ago) link

a spiritual massage

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:19 (eighteen years ago) link

again, her SEX has NOT BEEN CONFIRMED.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:19 (eighteen years ago) link

the "heartbreak" the pastor refers to may be when Kelly finds out he's in a room with three gay men.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:20 (eighteen years ago) link

you just blew my mind.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:21 (eighteen years ago) link

part three ends with the previously mentioned "drawwURS" couplets. part four ends with him "starting to LIKE IT! I'm starting to LIKE IT!" and part five is them all going to a new kind of club for Kelly, hugging and dancing, with a sample of the Ewok song from Return Of The Jedi

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:23 (eighteen years ago) link

I could totally see part 5 being the club hit of the summer a la "Ignition (Remix)".

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:24 (eighteen years ago) link

>a sample of the Ewok song from Return Of The Jedi

oh man fuck you I can hear that

― milton parker (Jon L), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:26 (eighteen years ago) link

i heard this on the radio today and it was totally great coz you could see where it was going, and i was just thinking.. oh no.. he's not gonna.. it can't be... oh no he won't... oh no he didn't.

god this is great.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:27 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah when I first heard it today I was driving home with my jaw on the floor the whole time

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:29 (eighteen years ago) link

i love it so much that the pastor actually says "shocking truth."

also i mean the gay thing might be kinda old hat for us seasoned ilx types, but dropping this type of story on urban radio is a whole difft. deal.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 13 May 2005 03:55 (eighteen years ago) link

holy shit

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 13 May 2005 08:37 (eighteen years ago) link

This is the best thing ever.

― Lethal Dizzle (djdee2005), Friday, 13 May 2005 09:08 (eighteen years ago) link

Is there any question that R is one of the most noteworthy musical artists of our time - dude's got us hanging on every word of a goddamn radioplay.

No joke. I was listening to 12 Play before I went out tonight (er...last night) and around "Back to the Hood of Things" I realized that the album is um pure genius? And that he's come so far since and is horribly underrated as a performer, composer, artist etc.

― Lethal Dizzle (djdee2005), Friday, 13 May 2005 09:11 (eighteen years ago) link

i never should have went to bed last night

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 13 May 2005 10:22 (eighteen years ago) link

No joke. I was listening to 12 Play before I went out tonight (er...last night) and around "Back to the Hood of Things" I realized that the album is um pure genius?

You lasted that far into the album before realizing that? Surely, you should have recognized his genius by "I Like The Crotch On You," which is easily one of the best song titles in his whole catalog, if not the entire history of recorded music.

― Jeff Reguilon (Talent Explosion), Friday, 13 May 2005 13:55 (eighteen years ago) link

All very bemusing, this.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 May 2005 13:59 (eighteen years ago) link

the whole idea of his naming albums like Twelve Play sequels is kinda bizarre. shouldn't TP3 be, like, Thirty Six Play?

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 14:04 (eighteen years ago) link

Or 1,728 Play

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 13 May 2005 15:51 (eighteen years ago) link

I didn't know anything about this until I read this thread, but wow.

― Sean M (Sean M), Friday, 13 May 2005 16:38 (eighteen years ago) link

my local station is using this as a brilliant ploy to keep listeners tuned, by playing part 1 at the end of every hour, then saying "part 2 is up next" and cutting to commercial break.

I remember when the remix to "Ignition" first dropped and I heard a lot of stations play the whole 7 minutes of both versions together for a while. it would be pretty amazing if stations started playing all 5 parts in a row once they're all out, which has gotta be somewhere near 20 minutes.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 16:45 (eighteen years ago) link

is r kelly prog?

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 13 May 2005 18:20 (eighteen years ago) link

y'know, it's kind of amazing that noone else ever realized this is the perfect way to get the public interested in a concept album/story-opera type record -- make it a multi-part storyline with cliffhangers, and release each part one at a time. I mean, this wouldn't be nearly as exciting if he just hid it on an album for people to hear for the first time all at once.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 18:27 (eighteen years ago) link

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