Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

Skinny girl with baggy jeans, Timberlands, chunky, bad weave and plastic TMNT backpack: 8/10

I agree with The Lex. I could not think of anything worse than coming into physical contact on public transport with someone like this guy:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v424/runmdc/ilovethearcticmonkeys.jpg

Ugh!

Gay dude with presumably ironic Housemartins haircut putting his fucking feet across two seats despite it being rush hour on the 1718 from Slough to London Paddington, going "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD" into his mobile repeatedly while talking about how "outrageous" he and his friends were: 0/10

Probably posts to ILX.

Woman on the Bristol Temple Meads-Swindon train with thick steel grey hair in a ponytail and outdoor clothes and big boots yet who talks incessantly and loudly about working indoors in an office, even though it's the National Trust, it's still an office and those boots are not necessary unless you want to prove something about being outdoorsy: 2/10.

http://991.com/newGallery/Housemartins-Live-At-The-BBC-373559.jpg

Black American driver of 176 stopping at Camberwell Green at 3am and walking round the bus shouting "I WANNA SAY THIS REAL CLEAR SO Y'ALL DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ASKIN ME - THIS BUS WILL TERMINATE AT DULWICH LIBRARY. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FOREST HILL. IT AIN'T GOIN TO SYDEN-HAM. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE. IT TERMINATES AT DULWICH LIBRARY" - 10/10

An American bus driver in London? This I gotta see

IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE.

points off for it not being "motherfukin peng-e"

^greatest experience of my adult life

Crackhead with an afro on the Picadilly line northbound, addressing the whole carriage by shouting "21 years on the underground.... 21 years man. If I get off tomorrow, I still got 21 years, innit?", before beatboxing a version of "Wonderwall" and, overoptimistically, passing his right shoe around for people to deposit change: 10/10

Overweight man with goatee pacing up and down Oxford St bus stop in freezing rain, guffawing with nerdish laughter down a phone and loudly debating the merits of various TNA midcarders and ECW favourite the Sandman, before shouting "no that's it, I've won the argument, I've won the argument, I'm hanging up", before hanging up and then cheering to himself: 3/10

Insane man on 37 in Brixton threatening to kill random passengers for downloading his music illegally, alternately threatening to shoot Them in the face and then complaining that They will get him framed for having a gun even though he is innocent and does not have a gun, before explaining that white people should fuck off and download Oasis instead because they all look stupid no matter what: 6/10

self-important haggard-looking cunt tapping away on a laptop on the bus and staring at me like a creepy weirdo while simulteneously posting sub-noise board bollocks to a forum that doesn't care: 0/10

-- g-kit, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:13 (11 months ago) Bookmark Link

This is one of the great Scrappy Doo moments of ILX btw

Overweight man with goatee pacing up and down Oxford St bus stop in freezing rain, guffawing with nerdish laughter down a phone and loudly debating the merits of various TNA midcarders and ECW favourite the Sandman, before shouting "no that's it, I've won the argument, I've won the argument, I'm hanging up", before hanging up and then cheering to himself: 3/10

Initially read the last bit of this as "cheering up and hanging himself"

Guy on tram a few weeks back who spent the journey randomly berating the carriage with such gems as "I'll shoot you all, you bastards", "I've killed many men before, I'll kill you now", and most impressively "I was a child soldier in Sierra Leone, you don't wanna fuck with me". This was accompanied by a litany of physical and vocal tics to add extra spice. Not the worst I've seen but not the best, prob 6/10.

Whilst he was clearly insane and moderately entertaining to listen to, I felt that there'll doubtless be a point some time in the future where he launches into this at the "wrong" person and will get the living shit kicked out of him = DUD.

Mr "My balls are so big I need to spread my legs at 170 degrees and use up an entire row of train seats" 0/10

Cute girl with the withering look who obviously hates the entire world who said "you think you could let me have at least half a seat to myself?" to him 8/10 (she lost points for the badges, you can't hate the world and be properly withering with cutesy badges on your jacket)

RIP g-kit

Has something happened since Saturday?

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=2295&boardid=40&threadid=57514

Insane man on 37 in Brixton threatening to kill random passengers for downloading his music illegally, alternately threatening to shoot Them in the face and then complaining that They will get him framed for having a gun even though he is innocent and does not have a gun, before explaining that white people should fuck off and download Oasis instead because they all look stupid no matter what: 6/10

Wise man.

Taxi driver outside New St station whose opening gambit was "do you enjoy eating sandwiches", followed by "and of course you go gym for MAXIMUM GOOOOOOD POWER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH", subsequently spending entire journey ranting about how much he loves Madonna but he doesn't love Madonna because she spends too much time in America and she should spend all her time here because he loves her, while taking a ridiculously confused route to Villa Park despite there being ten minutes to kick-off, then trying to charge me £10.70: 0.000000000/10

Weird lady waiting at gate in Reno/Tahoe International, looking like a cross between a beanbag chair and a natural disaster, making groaning/moaning noises that sounded variously like she was constipated, suffering from a gunshot wound, going into labor, or about to climax - then she'd shut up for three minutes and then it'd start all over: 0/10

I may have stealthily recorded this audio with my digital camera.

girl sitting across from me tonight runs into someone she knows, they're all omg, sit down to in-depth convo. halfway uptown, another dude she knows gets on the same car, rinse, repeat. pret-ty, pret-ty good.

5 year old boy sitting opposite his mum leisurely caressing her thighs from the knee to about 3 inches south of the crotch, a combined 1/10

how is ian riese-moraine, anyway?

Ageing indie hipster with trendy but thinning hair, slight paunch, toting satchel with Beggars Banquet logo on it: 0/10

Tiny Japanese girl with muscular Brazilian-looking boyfriend, her bossing him around and telling him to get off near the Italian shoe shop so he can buy her some new shoes: 10/10 and 5/10.

Guy with deformed right hand ranting about the government: 7/10 (may not have been about the government)

Black American driver of 176 stopping at Camberwell Green at 3am and walking round the bus shouting "I WANNA SAY THIS REAL CLEAR SO Y'ALL DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ASKIN ME - THIS BUS WILL TERMINATE AT DULWICH LIBRARY. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FOREST HILL. IT AIN'T GOIN TO SYDEN-HAM. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE. IT TERMINATES AT DULWICH LIBRARY" - 10/10

-- That mong guy that's shit, Monday, March 17, 2008 12:13 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

this could be a great novelty track a la 'it's grim up north'

I'll never forget you, Crewe to Carlisle train, I got off for Edinburgh, you stayed til Glasgow, late July 2004, sigh.

10/10

guy next to me who keeps offering women his seat just because they're women: 0/10

40-year-old woman who looked 60 and stared me out because I dared to sit down: -4.5/10

kiwi backpacker dude who didn't seem to understand bus drivers won't accept £20 notes: -10000000000000000000/10

Crackhead dude hanging around the station who comes up to me and goes "Hey ras boss, you ain't got 20p I can borrow for the train" and when I say no, he walks round the car park, comes back 20 seconds later and goes "Hey ras boss, I need..." and when I tell him he just asked me he goes "Asked you what?" and I say "for 20p for the train" he goes "Oh yeh sorry about that boss" then circles the car park again. 2/10 for effort.

unidentified person in packed tram who reeks of MOTH BALLS: minus several billion

guy next to me who's dumping his gf/bf by text: 6

kiwi backpacker dude who didn't seem to understand bus drivers won't accept £20 notes: -10000000000000000000/10

-- DG,

no excuse for this kind of behaviour, since kiwi bus drivers will shit all over you for pulling the same stunt here.

smartly dressed middle-aged woman lying asleep across two-thirds of the back seat of a packed-out 44 bus the other morning, occasionally twitching and kicking the back of my seat with some force: 4/10.

enormously fat dude rocking the paedo look -- blue anorak, tinted specs, unlovingly recycled plastic bag containing yellowing bits of paper and a banana, black slacks with a stain for every day of the week, vile smell of two-month-old body odour and stale spunk -- disqualified for being too disgusting.

SPUNK

Guy on the 237 yesterday boasting loudly to his 'friend' that he hadn't actually beaten up his girlfriend cos he only pushed her. "If I wanted to actually beat her up I fucking could have there and then." Adds that he knows the difference between Common Assault and GBH thank you very much before demanding the driver stop the bus specifically for him (not at a bus stop) and, once off, throwing his beer can into a bush.

Minus infinity, if that exists.

Woman opposite me who is whining to her friend about being told off at Tr1pl3 M because she stuffed up some on-air promos and got in trouble for bollocksing a cash give-away and omg how shit is Aust3r3o anyway: 4/10

Guy on the bus every day who just seems to be getting twitchier and twitchier with every passing week. That new haircut isn't going to impress anybody, especially if he keeps scratching the back of his neck and wiping the sweat of his forehead with his shirt sleeve every 30 seconds.

Drunk, scantily clad young woman sat opposite a friend of mine on the 73 with her vagina in full view: 1/10

one of my workmates will soon be visiting London for the first time. He was inquiring as to whether it would be acceptable to talk to random strangers on the Tube.

Neil S, surely that merits a 10?

It was one or the other. Apparently my friend pointed this out and got a load of abuse!

Guy on Path train to World Trade Center ranting about 9/11 conspiracies: 1/10 for effort

Half the passengers actually paying attention: 0/10

one of my workmates will soon be visiting London for the first time. He was inquiring as to whether it would be acceptable to talk to random strangers on the Tube.

I hope you told him it's actively encouraged, particularly during rush hour.

Guy who is the spit of Surmounter: 8/10 because he doesn't look exactly like Surmounter

Woman reading a book with a bookmark that has BOOK MARK hand-written on it: 4/10